Help me im lost and need help?

Question

Im a mother of 2 and i feel like im lost.My partner is lazy and does not help me out at all.H uses the excuse that he works all week.But what about me.I never get a day off.Life seems to be the same every day and ive just had enough.I love my kids to bits but my feelings for my partner seem to be changing.If i ask him to leave he says he will take the kids with him.And i cant see my life with out my kids in it.Feel like just pacing my stuff and leaving while he is at work.But ive got no where to go.PLEASE HELP ME.

Answer 1

FIRST YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING. MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE THAT WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS AND I FINALLY GOT TIRED OF IT AND WE ARE GETTING DIVORCE. IF HE DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST YOU HE CANT TAKE YOUR KIDS YOU CAN FIGHT FOR THEM. IT IS HARD TO GO THROUGH I AM WORKING FULL TIME NOW AND ME AND MY KIDS MOVED OUTTA OUR HOUSE AND INTO A TOWNHOUSE IN GR WHICH IS CLOSER TO MY FAMILY. YOU NEED TO FALL BACK ON YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS IF YOU GO TO CHURCH ASK FOR HELP IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF A BAD SITUATION. WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK I WILL PRAT FOR YOU.

Answer 2

Been there done that got the t-shirt.........
Went through the same getting told that was my role while he was working, then when my youngest started full time school and I went to work part time I still kept on the role i had for years, had an argument about the whole who does what and how he should help me more only to then be told i was only working part time so there was no reason that things could change. now i am working full time although I get in before him things are still the same and even when I asked for a little help I was told there was no way he was working all day to come home and cook when I was in before him and could do the cooking.
Depending on the age of you kids, there are different ways of making friends to keep your sanity, mother and toddler groups, at school you meet other mums, going to the park you can talk to other mums who are there.
One thing I will say is that your man is very weak as he knows your weakness (your kids) by saying if he goes he will take the kids will in his eyes keep you there, but if you think about it with all you do at the moment would he be able to take them and look after them and still have his luxury life. NO HE WOULDN'T

Answer 3

It sounds like you are exhausted and feeling very low, its understandable that you are feeling stuck. You now need to start to create some time for you. If the children are under five then maybe you can find out where there are toddlers groups or playgroups. Local library's are good for information, as is your Health Visitor or GP. The next thing to do is to get some time for you. Home Start are good at helping with this, as are family and friends, even neighbours can help. They might jump at the chance of helping out. Theyh might be feeling cut-off too. Your partner needs to understand how important this is to you. Find a good time when the children are in bed, write it down, find out what really bugs you about him. When all is said and done, you two have a relationship worth some work, you have children you both love. A good starting point. Work out a plan together, firstly to get some time together too. What was it that attracted you to him in the first place? What was it that you used to do/where did you go together that you both found good? Talk and talk, and you have a good chance of getting through this. Get together whatever personal resilience you have. You are worth it. You have a hard job, the weight of responsibility is heavy, time to work out how to lessen the road. What would you advise a friend to do? You are amazing, try and see it through. If there is more to this in the background and he hurts you physically, do not accept this. Look in the phone book for your nearest refuge and go. I wish you well

Answer 4

I am sure there are many a parents on here that feel exactly like you do. Let me play the Devils advocate here but it sounds like your stress is coming more from being unhappy with your partner than anything else. You need to remember that those kids are your also so he can not just "take" them from you. I am gathering that you are a stay at home mom? Have you talked to family or friends about letting you move in temporarily? Once you are away from the stress of an unhappy relationship you may see that you are a good parent and have a lot more patience with your kids.

Answer 5

You are clearly in a difficult position. At least you have admitted for yourself that this is no way to live, and that you would like to get away from your husband. There are rights about the children, and I don't believe that the father is getting the children, so even if he is treaten you about taking the kids, he want do it. He can't.
Do you have any family or friends that could help you out, you will of course need a place to move to and to stay. maybe a motel as a beginning. You will get such a better life without him, and in a while you will be so happy you did get away from this jerk.
Sometimes life can be difficult and tricky, and thats when to choose the ways to go, and make it all better, also for your children. Good luck to you, and have a nice day!
John

Answer 6

Hi, Have been there done that. This is not easy!! Pray alot for answers. A person can cause you to lose the feeling for them by their actions. You can either call a womans shelter, espically if he verbaly abuses you. I did pack my things one day while my husband was gone to work and I had some friends help move me out of town. I tried to stay hidden for as long as I could because usually who ever has custody of the children get to keep them. Also men do not want to lose what they have so they know where to get you,and that is through your kids. Most of the time it is a threat to hold on to you. I found out the worse thing I ever did was let aman intimidate me as far as my children are concerned. If he is lazy now, what makes you think he has the energy and time to take care of the kids. Do you think he will clean up after them and feed them, do the wash and take the time to play with them??? If he has not been doing any of that now, he will not do it in the future. Also their are alot of churches that will help you get back on your feet. Just do not let him bluff you!!!! Good luck, I pray that all will get better, Kathryn

Answer 7

If he is the father of the kids then dont run off with them...thats not fair to them. Do you work part-time as well as run a house? If so I would say stop doing the things that affect him directly..like washing his clothes or dishing up a meal for him etc. How old are your kids?......Can they help? I am in a similar situation but I don't expect the father of my kids to do the house stuff like cook, clean, pay bills, do shopping, take kids to sport etc so long as he never says im lazy and pays me well....I earn it because he comes into the 'house stuff' equation also. I have started working from home but if it gets too busy I will offload some of the work on him. Take a day off every week. Even if the house looks like a tornado hit it...go out or lock yourself in your room and read a book, but dont work for at least one day of the week! It will be hard at first but over time you will realise that its better for everyone if you pamper yourself sometimes.

Answer 8

If you leave it would wake him-up to the fact you do need his help.. but it would cause more problems in the long run... talk with him and don't back down.. sometimes we men can be over bearing but if we see that your not going to change how you feel about something then we will give in. Let him know that you want to work or go to school or what ever.. any thing to get you out of the house, to have some PT (personal time). Everybody needs PT we could not live with out it..

Answer 9

Oh my love, you sound in a right old pickle.
I had a friend in the same situation, who managed to get her partner out of the house after years of being treated like nothing.
You will need proof of any unreasonable behaviour on his part. Especially any violence.
First you need to find a soliciter that will do a free 30 min consultation, then file for an emergency injunction, which will be presented to him, then file for an injunction, and if he breaks it, let the police know immediately.
If you fear for your children, then it goes without saying that you should get in touch with social services, who are there to help you.
There is always somewhere to go my love. Please take care of yourself and your babies, I hope that things work out for the three of you.

If there isn't any violence, then it's up to you to get strong, and make sure that you and your children are happy and secure. There is always a way out, and when you are ready, you will make sure that you and your children are on your own.

Like a lot of women you may be suffering from depression. Go and see your doctor, and talk, talk, talk. Things will get better, but not overnight.
I hop that you will be strong for yourself and your kids, good luck again.

Lou x

Answer 10

Hey idcinders,

I understand what you are facing like in life.
Life is a delicate balance between the two partners and needs cooperation and coordination among the two.You are lacking that in your partner. I believe you are not married to him.Which makes the things more miserable.Try to make him understand that though he is working through out the week you too are busy keeping home in place and managing the kids and stuff like that.
You have equal right on the kids too and if he is not happy with you then you may go on seperate ways with a final decission on the kids.
But let me suggest you something, as i said the balance is very delicate you may take a step closer to avoid the division or seperation by taking things in your hand.Try to make him understand your problem.
Dont say that you are not happy with him, but say you dont like his ways,dont say do this for me, instead say will you help me with, dont allot work to him but invite him to help you do it with you.Do the work together with you too participating in it.It increases the intrest rate and also he feels wanted by you.
I am sure this might help you for a little I believe........
All the best
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Answer 11

Maybe the answer is not to leave but to find something that intrests you outside of looking after the kids and doing house work...maybe then life wont seem so boring and like you do the same day in day out..and talk to your partner about how you feel..