Should I end a relationship of 6 years?

Question

Me and my girlfriend of 6 years have a 1 year old son - when we found out we were going to have a child I agreed to let her quit her job and took the burden of provider. Ive worked very hard on my business working 12-16 hours a day and started to make a decent amount of money over the last year - My problem is that with the amount of work involved I am unable to help around the house, which is why I asked my girl if she could look after our child and take care of the house. Its been 2 years since she quit her job and has been a stay at home mom.....she never cleans or cooks, she has difficultly looking after our child and even with the help (and extra expense) of day care she is still unable to keep the house remotely clean. . .I rarely have a cooked meal at home and I get constantly nagged for not 'helping' her with our child. Is it wrong of me to want to have her look after the house and family while I provide ? I feel that i am being exploited ! All I want is a clean home !

Answer 1

I say talk to her before ending it. Say you really work hard and you wish that she could help out more at home. Breaking up should be the last resort, especially because you have a kid.

Answer 2

I don't think you are expecting too much and I understand what you are feeling. It would drive me nuts, however there may be genuine reasons she's being the way she is. Perhaps she has post natal depression? She's at home all day with a baby which gives her no adult company. She has a partner she never sees. PND is a real thing. You can't help your hormones. Has she ever had to look after a household before? Perhaps she doesn't know how? Having said that, if you are getting home and she has been out all day having fun, spending all the money and doesn't really give a siht that the house is grotty then it's time to have a serious conversation. Is she aware how you feel? Don't fall into the trap of ultimatums unless you want resentment to start breeding though because that's almost impossible to resolve. Be calm when you speak to her - if she starts shouting at you about how unfair you're being etc, just get up and walk away telling her you'll be willing to talk when she's got all of her screaming out of her system because you want to discuss this like adults. If you love her, be very careful about "blaming" - simply tell her how you're feeling when you get home and see that she's done what looks like barely anything all day while you've been out working SO hard for your future together. I wouldn't put it to her that she's done nothing all day because in her eyes, maybe she has been busy all day. Do you show a genuine interest in what she's been doing? I don't mean things like the housework, baby etc, I mean showing an interest in the woman you fell in love with. Not the woman the mother, cleaner, cook etc. Perhaps she doesn't feel valued as your partner because she's always being judged as a mother, cleaner, cook etc. I would definitely try and get her to a doctor to see about the Post Natal Depression thing - there are medications to help balance the hormones and it sounds to me that this could be a very likely problem!! Another solution may be to encourage her go back to work and perhaps spend the extra money on a house-cleaner? This will help give her self-esteem back! And give her another role other than mother, cook and cleaner. (to all of the mothers out there - please don't read that as an insult!! I think you do an absolutely fabulous job!!) For some women it may not be enough though! I would give anything to have a man who was happy for me to give up work while I stay at home with the baby! Your lady is a lucky one - but maybe she can't see that at the moment. Good luck hunny! Thoughts are with you and good on you for being the decent guy you so obviously are!! xox

Answer 3

That is a difficult situation and I understand how you feel. You work, she doesn't...she isn't pulling her weight. I am going through a similar situation and have been for the last 4 years because I can't find decent work. Sometimes I'm working and sometimes I'm not. When I am not working though you better believe I have dinner ready every night and keep a clean house (and I throw in a little extra like more s*x) just so what's happening to you won't happen to us. I know what is expected of me and sometimes we still argue. We don't have kids either.

I don't think your being exploited as much as I think your girlfriend is just lazy and maybe a little bored too. Not working sounds like fun but really wears on your self esteem after awhile, and she is also dealing with being a mother. That's not as easy as it looks. Talk to her. If you love her this is not a good enough reason to throw everything away. Most people go through this and it can be worked out. And just remember, you could find someone better than her but you could also find someone a hell of a lot worse. She doesn't cheat on you...something to think about.

Answer 4

Having a home and a child is not a 50/50 relationship. It is a 100/100 relationship where both partners have to do their all every day. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to help out with the house, or she must get a job, especially since you own your own business. However, two major things may be going on. One you have a two year old. No matter how much your girl cleans they are always going to trash the house, this goes on till they are about four. On the other hand, your girl may feel this is all she is good for, cooking and cleaning. Sit down with her and ask her what she would like to do with her life, are there classes she would like to take, or a profession she may be interested in, perhaps she could even work part time with you (would help to bring in a little extra into your home). Find out what her dreams are, her likes and dislikes, ambitions. Ask her how you can help out around the house and explain to her that in order to make it you both have to give it your all, you bringing home the bread alone will not suffice. When she nags you about not helping, ask her exactly what she would like help with. And if she gives you the cold shoulder or says she does not want to talk about it, tell her camly and firmly that if she does not discuss it with you, (you could even give a time frame) then it is a dead subject and you won't discuss it later. If she brings it up listen to her, but don't discuss it, she had her chance. (Keep in mind sometimes women need time to cool down if they are angry, so the time frame could be longer). Six years, a home, and a child is an awful lot to give up. Times may be tough, they seem to be tough for everyone these days. But if you sit with her, talk with her, and let her know that all you do is for her and your child, it may help her to see the big picture. (Also, no matter what she says or does, do not curse at her if you get angry. Cursing will only remove strength from your position. If she curses you out, tell her you will talk to her when she calms down and that you have the right to be respected, if you curse at her you will loose that right because you are not respecting her. If you get disrespected you can end the conversation immediately by not disrespecting her.)

Answer 5

Hey dont worry.. the baby is still very young and all this is new for you and your girlfriend.. it could be that she is young (if she is).Just go and have an honest talk with her dont keep everything inside.. explain that you do what is possible to help .. maybe you should be taking care of the baby sometimes and reduce the hours of your work so that she can maybe work as well.. just for a few hours.. this way you both share taking care of lil one and the money.. Your son is sill really small to make mess in the house i guess so its not so hard to keep the house clean.. Maybe bring a woman twice a week to do the cleaning but also you and your gf try your best to keep the house clean.. dont start fighting now .. enjoy that you have become parents and leave the silly things behind.. Go talk to her and tell her what you feel.. it will help..

Answer 6

I don't know about ending the relationship. If you haven't done this (which you probably have) try to sit her down & have a talk about how this is making you feel. Or try couples counceling. If you two really love each other, try to make it work. But I understand what you mean by you doing all the working. She should take her part & clean the house & take care of the child. Most girls end up being single mothers, so it's good of you being in your child's life period. I have a LOT of single friends that are full time workers & mothers. It's only fair that she take her part in this. Sounds like not working has made her lazy. That's no offense to her, I don't know her. It's just what it sounds like. But I wouldn't end it, unless you've completely fell out of love with her. Then you'd have to deal with custody & all of that. Try to talking to her. If the child is in daycare, maybe she can get a part time job during that time of day, to help with bills & maybe hire someone to come clean the house, if she doesn't really want to do it. Just some suggestions. Hope it works out for ya.

Answer 7

That is completely understandable. She is lucky to have a husband like you that provides and even let's her to stay home and take care of the family life as they say. She needs to get her act together and make herself a routine for everyday. It isn't that hard with one child. What would your house look like if she worked too. I think you should talk to her and see what the problem is. I mean it would be nice to have your help too around the house but if she isn't doing anything at all then that's really a problem. And not cooking dinners either. What does she do all day. I mean if you were to end your relationship with her are you going to keep your son? Cause if she can't take care of him now and even with your help what would she do on her own. Talk to her if there isn't a resolution and your unhappy in your own home then ya she might just have to go

Answer 8

I'm a woman that stays at home also & thats wrong what she is doing,shes need to talk 2 someone like me who does laundry,cooks dinner almost EVERY night(except nights we go out to eat),cleans the whole house EVERY week,and still has time 2 spend quality time with my family! For someone who doesn't work she should be doing all these things,there r no excuses b/c when the kid is in daycare or napping she could be doing chores around the house.U need to have a good talk with this girl,tell her ''this is your duty as a mother,we can't be having our kid walking and playing in a dirty a** house!who know what kind of diseases he can get!'' and ''your at home all day , u need to be cleaning & cooking while I'm working hard all day for this family!''.That is disrespectful of her & shes definitly needs to b put in her place!!In my opinon, you can't turn a nasty person into a housewife.And I'm sorry but after 6 yrs the girl is not going to change.

Answer 9

Im a stay at home mum and I love it. Some days I dont do much cleaning at all but thats only once in a blue moon. While my son is in bed I do cleaning and I think your girlfriend is becoming lazy. I cook every night for my hubby. The only thing I ask him to do is cut the grass as I do everthing else. Maybe you should have a word with her and tell her how you feel. If your child is at playgroup or some thing else then she has time to clean and sort some thing out for dinner. I dont understand how she can not have time to sort the house out. Just have a chat and see what she thinks to. Maybe she wont to go back to work.

Answer 10

you gotta let her know that you cant have this. not only you're workin hard to support the family, but u gotta come home to that??

first off, i've always said this:
"No matter what ANYONE says.. one of the greatest things that a woman can show how much she loves her man is when she cooks for him everyday. When a man comes home from a hard day's work and is greeted by a loving woman and a home-made meal.. it's a beautiful thing. Some may take it for granted, but that's love right there." It also shows devotion.

Tell her, that if she truly loves you, then she would do those things.. if she doesnt.. then she doesnt love you and is not worth being with. And tell her that what you see in her right now, hurts you. If that doesnt get her to change, then you gotta explore other options bro..

GL man

Answer 11

Being a mother is a full-time job, actually, so cut her some slack. A lot of this depends on your behavior at home. Do you at least clean up after yourself? Because it's not fair to ask anyone to be your maid. You should definitely help out with the child, if for no other reason, than because it's YOUR child and it needs your attention as well.