We are a very happy family of 4. I married my high school sweetheart. I come from family of 8. Last of a slew girls. We were brought up one for all and all for one. I met my husband senior year. He was one of three. Very disfunctional. He doenst talk to one sister the other is all about "me". Well, parents are getting old and no one wants to help. I dont know what to think of my husband. I am discussted. I cannot believe he will not step up to the plate and take care of his parents. I am so sad.
2006-07-12 19:39:56 · 15 answers · asked by so sick of being broke 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Divorce from him
I think he wasn't a good husband
2006-07-12 19:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can I love my husband when he doent want to take care of his own parents?
2014-12-16 01:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that while you were/are close to your family, some people aren't. You said yourself his family was dysfunctional. It's most people's tendencies to look at the elderly and feel sorry that no one wants to care for them. However you need to stop and consider what type person they were to others when they were younger. Being old doesn't automatically give them a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to their actions towards others. If you do not understand your husband's reasons for not wanting to be there, ask him. Try to see what life was really like for him as a child and teenager prior to passing your judgments. I have family members that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. Blood is thicker than water most of the times...but not always.
2006-07-12 20:21:14 · answer #3 · answered by adagia27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just the way some families are.
My dad & sister don't want to handle my mother. I can't I am 150 miles west of them. Other wise I would be taking care of both parents.
Most of it is Denial. They don't want to admit that their parents are aging. If they ignore it long enough it will go away or someone else will do it for them.
2006-07-12 19:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by jennifersuem 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mmm...Thats not easy I'm sure. Well, I come from a divorced and complicated family, But I also love them much! Depending on how old he is...he may have not matured in this department yet. And OR keep in mind that we become how we were raised. That is where we get the things that are so strongly instilled in us. He doesn't sound as blessed as you in terms of upbringing and togetherness. He prob doesn't know any better, but maybe you being who you are will help him to see the better. And if he does know better keep in mind that he may be scared to deal with them "dying". You keep loving him, and show him,don't nag, how important they need his love. Most of all Communicate, and LISTEN to why he acts the way he does. This one wont change overnight. But you keep planting seeds. He will grow. For Better or for worse right?
2006-07-12 19:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Al 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said , he came from a dis functional family,
And you knew this when you married him.
What i see going on here is ,
What ever went on during his years growing up at home,
He hasn't let it go.
He has grudge's,
Counseling would be good for him,
so he can let the past go.~ !
If he doesn't go , he will in the end feel worse, he wasn't there when they was sick, ~!
Once they die, he will have even more guilt.
But it is his life, his parents, his past.
All you can do is see if he will go to counseling,
and help your in-laws out as much as you can.
My thought are with the whole family, both sides,~ !
~*~*~*~*~Peace.
2006-07-12 19:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by Brat-tett & Brat Pack's 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because you had a good family does not mean that your values are universal and apply to everyone else. i'd say that since you had a good upbringing, it would be valueable for you to make the effort to understand your spouse who had a lousey upbringing instead of discustedly judging him for not having your set of values. if you love and respect someone, it's up to you to make an effort to understand them as much as possible. i did not say CONDONE their behavior - just understand it! I understand how he feels and would not have taken care of my crumby parents either. they did not deserve any special favors from me after what they both did! it's not about revenge (although i've wanted that too) but just a normal reaction to some one that's hurt you. put your self in his shoes if you can and forget how good it was for you. imagine helping an aging RAPIST, or CHILD MOLESTER. are you enthusiatic about helping such a person?
IMO, you're not 'sad' - you're judgemental based on what you think everyone should feel and do as if they all had your parents and your upbringing. there are folks who would murder their parents if they could based on their upbringing - can you understand that kind of bitter hate? i'm not saying they're RIGHT or excuseable but it is understandable to want some kind of justice for how one was treated. be grateful that you did not have such an upbringing or have to deal with the hurt and bitterness of that kind of childhood.
2006-07-12 20:48:23 · answer #7 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most dysfunction is handed down unfortunately by the parents. Good chance they were raised by parents who also considered "me" first. Rather than a sharing, mutually supportive environment, it may have been get what you can for yourself before it's gone. If the parents did a good job teaching this to their kids, then there would be little reason to expect they would now put their parents first.
2006-07-12 19:47:59 · answer #8 · answered by Dale P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes taking care of parents will destroy a marriage between the caretaker. That "very happy family of 4" you wrote about will be a "unhappy family of 6" Are you willing to make room in your home, feed, care, bathe, drive, and do other things in order to care for two extra people. Are you willing to give up your privacy? Don't be so hard on your husband, my mother-in-law is in a nursing home, not because we didn't love her, it was because he couldn't care for her himself and that would mean that "I" was the one that would end up caring for her. Even when I've retired and have time on my hands, I could not lift or do any of the personal stuff for her. I can't imagine you taking on more responsibility besides you taking care of your immediate family. The nursing home are equipped to take care of older people and can give them what they need. I've told my two children, if I'm old and can not take care of myself, please send me to a nursing home. I love them too much to put a guilt trip on them or know that I would cause a breakup in their marriage by caring for me
2006-07-12 20:21:28 · answer #9 · answered by nannygoat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe his parents were so damn bad that they don't deserve it. i was a bad parent in that i caused my son too many problems with the mistakes i made and i never expect him to take care of me. I'd rather pulverize my perve stepfather and I would never have taken care of my perve grandfather or his witch wife either.Be glad you had it so lucky and try to understand that he didn't
2006-07-12 19:46:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋