Hi....I have a question how to approach my mother. I am an adult, and my birthday is coming up Friday. It's my day and my mom & I are getting together Saturday for it. We are supposed to meet up about 1/2 way to shop and we both live probably 30-45 min to meet. But, now she presents me to go all the way up where she is housesitting. I feel hurt, it's my day and she seems to be it's too much to go out of her way for me....but yet she will for my sister more so.... How do I approach her....I love her dearly and don't want to stir things. I just want to present that where I want to meet and go on my day is my choice. I'm a very soft spoken person and she's a little more aggressive, so, usually give in. It gets exhuasting always giving in to people... Please help.
2006-07-12 18:03:58 · 15 answers · asked by SMILEYGIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you can't be direct with your mom, then make something up if you have to. I DO NOT advocate lying. I would sternly say to her that I have a busy day that day and that I don't want to spend my day in the car. If she can't understand this, then tell her that you will just have to meet another day.
2006-07-12 18:11:03 · answer #1 · answered by Cyberiian 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think what you need to do it have a fun talk with her. Ease the subject on her gently. First ask her where it is she wants you to meet her and when she tells you tell her that it's kind of far for you to drive all the way out there and on your birthday. Ask her if maybe you guys could meet some where half way between you two so you would both drive the same amount. If she gets mad just tell her that this is what you have been thinking about for a while and that you don't want to make her upset. You just want to let her know how you are feeling like all parents hope there children will do to them. I really hope everthing works out for you because I know where you're coming from and sometimes it is hard but usually things work out in the end.
2006-07-13 01:10:41 · answer #2 · answered by littlemisspopprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, Happy Birthday! It is your day and should be special to you. However, don't forget that the ones that love you the most also want to be apart of this day with you. My mother and I have a similar relationship that you've described. I can be very passive and shy, even when deep down I really don't want to be! My mother babies my older brother and the entire family has also seen this. A few years ago, I wrote her a letter about how I felt. She responded. It was the best thing I could have done. She told me how much stronger of an adult I always was as compared to my brother. Many times she feels I don't need her as he does and so she sometimes 'goes out of her way' for him. Perhaps this is how your mother feels about your sister? Are you the stronger sibling; more independent? Is it possible you aren't as needy as your sister and your mother knows this? It also maybe easier for her to kinda take advantage of your easy going personality. If she doesn't know something is bothersome to you, she can't change her ways. My advice is to talk to her about everything on your mind. If you can't do this face to face, don't rule out a long heartfelt letter. Good luck!!
2006-07-13 01:19:53 · answer #3 · answered by Taurus Chic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi! i 've never been in this situation .cause my mother is the complete opposite .but still i can help. i'll advice u 2 just go sit beside her and first say a few nice words like -mom i know that very decission of yours is for my good .and bla,bla.but don't waste more time in all this other wise she 'll get irretated.just get 2 the point and just calmly talk 2 her and clear out every dout and misundustandings.u said u have a younger sis and mom is always on her side or whatever.but according to me its nothing like that .i 've an elder bro he also think the same that only the once get attention .but i being the youger one would say that the elder once r luckier .and any ways a very,very,very happy birthday. i wish ur day goes well.ok then byeeee.
2006-07-13 01:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by athira d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to take a deep breath, pick up the phone and be very direct, but still nice. Smile while you talk, even though it's on the phone, but stand your ground. Tell her that this year you have kind of strong feelings about what you do for your birthday, that you really feel like treating yourself this time, and one of the ways you'd like to do that is that you don't want to travel very far. Let her know that you'd be happy to meet her at a different shopping area closer to her some other time, like on HER birthday, but that this time you want to stay closer to home.
If push comes to shove, and she decides to play the power trip of saying that she doesn't want to do it then, just grit your teeth as you smile and say that's fine, and you'll see her another time. I think that if she gets the idea that you actually ARE a grownup now, with ideas of your own, and the willingness to stick up for them that she'll realize that it's her loss in the long run if she plays hard to get.
Between you and me, I think she's being rather selfish, but that isn't going to be a good tactic to take with her. Try to be diplomatic but firm. As she tells you all the reasons she wants to be closer to her house, tell her that you hear her, you get it, AND you would still rather meet halfway or not at all. Did you remember to smile? Good luck.
2006-07-13 01:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by kimba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you're mom isn't just making things up or being lazy and inconsiderate...then go to her and celebrate your day...maybe she can't leave the house she's housesitting OR maybe she has a surprise for you.
If she's just inconsiderate...you know your mom better than all of us here in Yahoo...then stand up for yourself! Tell her what you want and why! Maybe it's time for a change...maybe you deserve more respect. Can't really say much coz you really haven't described what your relationship is like with your mother.
2006-07-13 01:12:08 · answer #6 · answered by carolina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you just have to stand up for the things you want. Your sister might get more respect because she says what she wants. If you give in or never complain about such a situation your mom might assume that its okay with you. You will only be able to tell if she's mad once you have tried it. I would think she's okay with it. You are after all her daughter and its your birthday, right?
2006-07-13 01:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by betti_moni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to take a stand for yourself. Its only your mother talk to her she may be mad at you for awhile then she will realize she was wrong. And did you maybe think she is planning a surprise party for your birthday. This is why she had to change plans? Don't count your chickens before they hatch
2006-07-13 01:08:23 · answer #8 · answered by terrbeary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
re: "It gets exhuasting always giving in to people..."
what a perfect description of CODEPENDENCY!!
Codependents need to learn to stand up for them selves, develope positive (not high) self esteem, and get their power back....especially as an adult.
go here for solutions:
http://www.adultchildren.org/
http://www.codependents.org/
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
also, look up Self Esteem on google
2006-07-13 01:52:29 · answer #9 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a couple shots of liqour. Call her up and say "Mom, it's my birthday and I'm not driving an hour out of my way, sorry".
2006-07-13 01:09:53 · answer #10 · answered by firefly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋