what's the best way to get my 9 year old daughter to listen to me?

Question

i always end up screaming at her. she completely ignores anything i say and she acts like she is in charge. i have tried almost everything i can think of and still no response from her. we have a good home and i spend time with her doing activities that she chooses, so this attitude she has is beyond me. any suggestions?

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but I think you're experiencing some issues that could have been taken care of long ago. Don't coddle your kids. You're in charge. Start dishing out punishments that are for real. No meal... then NO MEAL! Toys trashed... then TOYS TRASHED. Follow through with everything you say you will do. A lack of this will make children believe you have no control. Take back control and start showing them who's boss. Sometimes your kids have to hate you in order to be good parents. Try and be their "Friend" and see what the results are. YOU ARE THE PARENT. You know what is best for them and face the facts. As of right now you're not doing your job. SO...

Get in there and show em who's the boss and who's in charge. They'll love you for it when they're all grown up. It's a sacrifice parents need to take into consideration more. Less love now, a whole lotta love later.

I know that was kinda harsh, but good luck... I really wish you the best.

Answer 2

Sounds like my mother and I when I was a child. My suggestion is that maybe doing things for her and providing her with a good home, while in your eyes are the marks of successful parent (and are 75% of one), there may be some things missing. Although you obviously need to continue establishing your place as the parent, there are some things that might make gaining her respect easier. First, try hugging her or complimenting her. I think a lot of parents don't stop and tell their children that they care, they just assume that their children understand that the things they do for them are an expression of that, but sometimes children really need to hear it directly. Next, I would say, try to get inside her head, even if that means dropping your parental guard for a moment to be her friend. Your child might begin to see where you are coming from as well if you allow a moment to take a step back. Third, I'd say pick your battles. There are little things that parents try to correct, such as nailbiting,etc.. Save your energy for major battles and your daughter won't grow up viewing you as the villian. Finally, I say if you always end up screaming at each other, maybe you're both a little bit alike. If you see a conflict arising, tell your daughter to go to separate area of the house and resolve the conflict in say, a half an hour. Sometimes a little time is all that is needed for everyone to rationalize everything.
Good luck!

Answer 3

You should spank her butt! She is going to get worse and worse as she gets older, so you should just deal with the problem now. My aunt had a child just like that, she didn't listen to anyone. Nobody ever wanted to take her anywhere. So I kept telling her that if she doesn't get her in check while shes young, then imagine how bad it will be when she gets older. My aunt took my advice and she is an angel, literally! It sorta reminds me of those children on Dr. Phil! I know you went to school with those children who were really bossy, and didn't have any friends. Well if she acts like that at home around you, imagine how she acts at school with other children.

Answer 4

Be consistent with the word. "NO" Make the word powerful, strong. She doesn't listen put her on a time out. Walk her to the time out area. Explain what she did. Have her face the wall for the number minutes of her age. Repeat process if she won't listen. Soon she will learn to stand there at the wall for her time out. It may be a struggle, be patient. Remember she is running the household right now and you want it back. Good luck.

Answer 5

Stop screaming! Seriously, ignore her when she acts like she's in charge. Give her rewards for good behavior. Like if she takes out the trash when you ask, praise her, thank her or give her a treat. If she doesn't take out the trash, remove some small privilege...like no phone for the evening or go to bed half hour early.

Worked for me...begging, screaming, pleading just don't work!

Answer 6

You need to have a deep relationship with her, other than doing activities. If you talk to her about feelings and be honest and truthful with her, even with little things that seem trivial, like her opinion of a commercial on tv...

I started doing that with my 9 year old, and we now talk about EVERYTHING now. I have never been as close with her. It will be important when the girls get older in this day and age.

Keyzblew (above me) has a good answer, too.

Answer 7

Is this your first child? If so you need to go to the library and check out books on raising chidren
You are actually teaching her an awful habit YELLING at people.
You do not want your childs most vivid memories to be that you shriked and yelled a her like a mad woman.
AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES IGNORE THOSE NUTS THAT SUGGESTED YOU SPANK HER!!! consistancy, love & above all patience is what will help you train your child.

Answer 8

Be patient with her. Talk to her about her school, class ,her friends,to put it in a nut shell u urself become a9 year old girl.Because i have a 9 yaer old son I treat him like my best friend ever.Like i play with him as i used to when i was of his age etc. see cartoons with him, do homework along with him in a seperate paper as if i wud do in my school days with my friend.We both exchange papers and do the correcions.etc Jus t follow this at first see the improvement, if u have any doubt still mail me.

Answer 9

You are being inconsistent. You cannot give in to her and you cannot scream. Tell her what you expect once, clearly. Then walk away. If she doesn't do it, ground her. No TV, no telephone, nothing that she enjoys. She will carry on like a maniac but you must not give in. You will win in the end. If you cannot do it, you will need to get parenting lessons.

Answer 10

First, don`t scream. Second, whenever she does that, tell her that that activity that she wanted to do is now not happening!!
Third, if the above don`t work, give her a couple of swats in her bottom. Trust me, I don`t agree with spanking kids but, there are children who only respond to that. Trust me!!!