ANY jokes are ok...I wont be offended in anyway...I just wanna smile.
2006-07-12 17:06:48 · 18 answers · asked by ♥NICOLE♥ 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!Happy and Blessed Birthday !!!
I hope you have a wonderful birthday and get to celebrate with your family n friends.
Check this out !!!
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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
2006-07-12 18:24:25 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds forall male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fineof $180. Are there any questions? At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, How much for a season pass?
2006-07-13 00:09:53 · answer #2 · answered by Pd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest opened to a lot of good reviews and made a lot of money at the box office. That's great, considering the film was about Anna Nicole Smith =)
One of France's lowlights in the recently concluded World Cup was Zinedine Zindane's headbutt of an Italian player in the final; the result was Zidane getting a red card and tossed out of the game. The French don't do much in terms of combat or fighting skill these days; apparently Zidane was the only man who looked like he wanted to fight and he was the one who got sent off. =)
Dancing - a vertical expression of a horizontal desire
Marriage - a public confession of every private intention
Passion - a feeling you feel when you feel you are to feel a feeling
Chivalry - a man's inclination to defend a woman from any man but himself =)
I make it a point to be healthy; if I'm not in bed by 2100H (9 p.m.) I go home.
Marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades so will his eyesight. =)
Great moments in history...
3050 BC - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.
410 BC - Rome ends the practice of throwing debtors into slavery, thus removing the biggest single obstacle to the development of the credit card.
1568 - Saddened over the slander of his good name, Ivan the Terrible kills another 100,000 peasants to make them stop calling him Ivan the Terrible.
1773 - Colonialists dump tea into Boston Harbor. British call the act "barbaric", noting that no one added cream. =)
May you have a pleasant birthday and don't forget to smile.
2006-07-13 02:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by AE101Supreme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kk i got a few jokes.
most are about mexicans. but im a mexican so its cool (i think)
why do mexicans drive lowriders??... so that way they can drive and pik lettuce at the same time
what do u get if u cross a mexican and a black guy??... a person thats 2 lazy to steal
y do mexicans eat always have tamales for christmas??... so they have something to unwrap
how many cops does it take to arrest a mexican??... 2 one to takel him and another to catch the rosses and orages he drops
The Russian wrestling team and American wrestling team are having a 5-on-5 exhibition match. Both teams are down to their final wrestlers, tied at two wins apiece. The remaining American wrestler is 5'10", 175lbs., and his Russian counterpart is 6'7", 300lbs and all muscle. The American coach sends his wrestler into the match with little hope of winning. As expected, the Russian has with way with the American. Suddenly, the American explosively turns the match around, pins the Russian, and gains the victory for the American team.
The American wrestler returns to the sidelines where the coach asks him, "Son, how were you able to defeat that big Russian? Honestly, I didn't give you much of a chance."
The wrestler says, "Well, coach, when he had me down on the ground all rolled up, I saw a pair of nuts dangling in front of my face, and I just bit them as hard as I could."
The coach is shocked. "That's how you beat him?!"
"Hell yeah!" the wrestler says. "You'd be surprised what you can do when you bite your own nuts!"
A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter. "I just can’t believe you got laid twice."
When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.
a cop pulls over a car for speeding and when he walks up to get the drivers licens he noitces its the finest blond that he has ever seen. he takes her info and goes back to his potrol car and gives the info to dispatch. when dispatch calls back they ask the cop if the driver of the car is a fine blond. he sais that she is and dispatch tells the officer to go back to the car and drop his pant. surprised the officer ask y? dispatch tells him to just go and do it. so he goes back to the car and as he hands the blond her licens he drops his pants and hears the blond sigh and say not another breathalizer test
2006-07-13 00:46:07 · answer #4 · answered by dracula1895 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother told me this the other day...
A coworker of his was starting college, and in class they played a little game, where they give their name and has to link the first letter of their name with a food, starting with the same letter. So Hannah = Hamburger. So the first guy said, Juan = Jelly. Then one girl screamed out: YOU IDIOT! JUAN STARTS WITH AN H!
I couldn't stop laughing.
*** As reference if some of you are unaware of this, the name Juan is pronounced as "Huan".
2006-07-13 00:25:37 · answer #5 · answered by 7FAM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Justice!
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father`s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn`t punish him?
Student: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
Happy B'day, may u have many more happier ones
2006-07-13 00:21:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do u call 4 blonde's layin side by side?? an air mattress! haha one day this blonde left her car out of the garage and it hailed real bad and her car was damaged real bad so she took it to a car shop and the guy at the shop saw she was blonde and wanted to mess with her so he told her to go home and blow on the tail pipe so taking his advice she went home and started to blow on the tail pipe and was struggling and making bunches of noise so her roommate also a blonde came out and said what r u doin so the girl said the guy at the shop told me to blow the dents out but its not working so the roommate rolled her eyes and said the windows have to be up duh!!!!!! its your birth day cheer up dam girl!!!
some more.........
these to guys walk in to a bar and sit down and the one guy pulls out a cigar and asked his friend if he had a lite and he pulled out a ten inch bic (type of liter) and the guy says jeez where did u get such a big liter and his friend says i have a littlt genie in my pocket and the guys said can i see him so his friend pulls him out and the guy says to the genie iam a good friend of your masters will u grant me a wish & the genie said yes i will what would u like so the guy says i wish for a million bucks then all of a sudden a duck comes in to a bar then another one and they keep comin and the guy says to his friend whats up with that genie i said a million bucks not ducks and his friend says he has a hearing problem because do u realy think i wished for a 10 inch bic???? my cuz david did that one enjoy!!!!
2006-07-13 00:16:39 · answer #7 · answered by Ally13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy is driving down the road and a cop pulls him over. The cop looks at the guy and says "Your eyes look bloodshot, have you been smoking dope?" and they guy looks at the cop and says "Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
lol... cheezy I know but it always cracks me up... I hope it made you smile.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you start to feel better!
2006-07-13 00:15:14 · answer #8 · answered by Jilley2219 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drew Careys mom is so fat, she was walking down the street and fell. i didn't want to laugh but the ground was craking up!!!!!!
hope you liked the joke.
2006-07-13 01:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by miamifan_21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HHHappyyyy BBBBirthdayyyy ttooo yyoouu
2006-07-13 00:13:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋