Should she make-up or break-up?

Question

My daughter met this boy in school. She is in highschool. Her and the boyfriend really seem to hit it off well. They had been together for nine months. She is 15, and he 16.

The boyfriend was upset when his parents got a divorce and he went out and tried some pot, and got caught. Now he is in rehab, and been there for the past 3 months. He will be coming home before school starts.

She is still in limbo of whether she wants to keep him for a boyfriend or break up. She says that this was very unlike him to do what he did, and she was in SHOCK when she found out.

Should I make them break up? Or should I let her decide for herself what to do? She sometimes feels like she wants to break up with him because she feels he lied to her, and she does not like what he did. On the other hand, prior to this happening, things were great, and he was always a gentlemen to her.

I believe people can make mistakes...On the other hand... She is my daughter and I want what is best.

I don't want her to risk being around someone that might do that again. He says that it was just a mistake...

Any advice?

Answer 1

Give him another chance. Your daughter won't make his mistakes. Let her make up her mind.

Answer 2

Your daughter is only 15 ... I would hope that this isn't the only boy she is ever interested in or the only boy that will treat her right. It sounds like you raised your daughter well and that perhaps she is old enough to make some good choices.

Don't push .. let her make the decision. It sounds like she is leaning towards ending the relationship and that should be her choice.

At 15 she should be dating a lot of different people and just having some fun. She has her whole life ahead of her to get into serious relationships.

If you are concerned that this boy is going to hurt her let her know your feelings, but in the end she is the one that has to decide to walk or to give it another try.

Drugs are a serious issue no matter what the reason. Yes good people make bad choices, but are you willing to take that chance with your daughter??

Best of luck to everyone involved.

Answer 3

It is her life. I would let her make this choice. I understand you want what is best for her, after all she is your daughter but you don't need to make the choice of who she should or shouldn't see. She needs to get out there and learn from her own mistakes. If she learns from her mistakes then she is unlikely to make the same mistake twice.

Also her and her boyfriend are two different people. He made a mistake and he is in rehab for his consequence. She is probably seeing how bad the consequences can be for doing drugs now. So I highly doubt she will make the same mistake he made.

Answer 4

I am a mother of a teen girl so I can understand how you are feeling. Yes no doubt ppl make mistakes esp young teens who gets influence easily and every mistakes that they made is not what they wants however thinking of your daughter's future may i suggest that you advise her the consequences of continuing this unhealthy relationship. To be frank, at their age of having relationship is only 'puppy love' and can lead to unforeseen circumstances. If you find that having this communication will bring you apart than may i suggest you seek a third party whom she can trust on and communicate with her openly. Let her know how you feel as her mother. She may need to seek counselling if you feel there is a need to. I am sorry if my decision hurts but i am sure by tellling her that all parents will love their children no matter what happens will somehow strengthen her mind. If you do have a religion keep on praying and seek HIS GUIDANCE.

Answer 5

I would let her decide for herself. Maybe, because he got caught the first time he won't do it again. But your daughter is 15 she should be playing the field instead of sticking to one guy that may end up being her boyfriend through high school. I wouldn't make her break up with him, because that would make it to where she wants to see him even more.

Answer 6

It just maybe that, a mistake. If your daughter was very upset that he did that then I wouldnt worry about her trying it. He did go through something tramatic and yes it was a stupid thing and now he is getting help. Sit back and watch. You can't step in all the time. I know it's hard but we need to let them grow. Good luck.

Answer 7

From one woman to another id say she is old enough to make her own decisions. But as a "experience"teenager id say she loves him but she's afraid that this little "slipup"would affect their relationship, by the fact that he lied to her and she feel betrayed by that.
So what id do if i was her mother would be to sit down and have a straight talk with her and tell her the pros and cons that drugs have on a person-(not that she wont know already)
And would be to trust that she's doing the best that u taught her

Answer 8

The best advice I can give you is to let her make up her own mind, if she wants to talk to you about it let her, but don't tell her what to do and here is why I say that: Say that you tell her to break up, and he never does it again, she will blame you for losing a great guy, but say you tell her to stay and things get bad and he does it again, she would blame you for making her stay. You are much better off letting your daughter decide for herself be there for her, listen to her, but don't tell her what she should do.

Answer 9

you CANNOT make them break up. you can make her be dishonest with you. he is smoking pot and now he is aware of how to escape. re-hab after trying pot? come on!!!! she is either naive or you are. something is going on here that is not being told by somebody. good luck, just always stay close with your kid so you can know what is going on. you cannot make someone be something or do anything for any extended period of time. be a mom and be supportive and a lead through example person and your daughter will turn out great.

Answer 10

Well i would ask her to brake up with him and let him get out of rehab and stay clean for a while.. if he stays clean after 6 months then maybe they can date again.

Remember one thing.. all drug addicts usually start out with pot.. pot leads to coke..acid..meth. and everything else..

When my parents got divorced i did not run out and do pot. neither do many other teenagers.. that is his excuse for using drugs.. like i said. get her away from him til you know he is clean for at least 6 months then she can date him if she wants.. at 15 she can turn to drugs just like him.

Answer 11

let her decide. but keep in mind that he only did this because he was in pain (because of his parents divorce) and probably wasn't thinking very clearly. he was probably just looking for an easy escape route. i would not ruin a great relationship over one mistake. but once again, it is her choice.