How do you forgive and get over being constantly emotionally hurt by a sister and mother?

Question

Over the years my mother and sister have been manipulative and have lied to me and other members of my family.
I use to yell and get very irrate and argue with them.
I cant do it anymore.
Now yet another drama has unfolded and the blame is laid at my feet.
I have to get over this I know, but I dont know how.
Im finding it harder and harder to forgive because they act like its everyone else that has a problem and not them.
They are always arguing with someone or mad at someone, but its never them that is wrong. They also have the wonderful nack of turning anything around to be about THEM being hurt or wronged.
I want to just forgive them and then never talk to them again, but I guess thats not true forgiveness.
They might be my mother and sister, but they are no friends.
What do you do with people that make you miserable when those people are your family??

Answer 1

I really think it's wrong to feel you *have* to forgive people that have seriously hurt you. You don't. Forgiveness is a unique gift you give someone, and it depends on who they are, and what they've done to you. Does a person have to "forgive" the person that raped them? No, of course not. If your mother and sister are hurting you emotionally and mentally, get away from them. Don't feel compelled to forgive them *just* to forgive. I really think forgiveness becomes a buzzword at times, that people lose the meaning behind real forgiveness. Your Ma and Sis may technically be "family", but they are still people, and you are under no obligation to cater to them.

Answer 2

Your mother sounds so much like my ex wife and what she did to my daughter. She mentally and physically abused my daughter to the point that my child no longer wants anything to do with her and has even told her that she hates her. I have had her in therapy for the last 3 years and it has helped but then when she has to see her mother on a visit she starts all over again. Now we have supervised visits so that her mother can't say bad things or do bad things to her. And it is ALWAYS someone elses fault she says. Never hers. She says people have brain washed the child into hating her because she wont take responabilty for the things she has done. Just because they are your blood family does not mean you have to forgive them ! Some things you cant forgive no matter who did it. Like someone once said, You can choose your friends but not your family. It sounds like you have been going thru this crap for years and you need to make a clean break from them. Otherwise one day it is going to affect your health both menattly and physically. Hell, i'm suprised it hasent happened already. Maybe if you distance yourself from them for awhile it might help or maybe just seeing them at holidays, unless their the type to mess up holidays also. Instead of thinking about them think about yourself for awhile and what all this drama is doing to you. You deserve to have a peacefull and happy life and it does not sound like it will happen unless you make some drastic changes. Good Luck to you !

Answer 3

I had the same kind of relationship with my mother and sister. I got tired of it and finally realized that I was not the cause of their problems, they were just unhappy people. I told them exactly how I felt without holding anything back. I told them that I would no longer allow them to make me sad and upset and I walked away from them. It was the toughest thing I ever had to do, but I felt such a sense of relief. We didn't speak for over a year and then one day out of the blue, I got a phone call. They apologized for all of the crappy stuff they did in the past and asked for my forgiveness. Our relationship has never been better. I hope things work out for you. I wish you all the luck. Life would be so much easier if we could pick our family,unfortunately that's not the case.

Answer 4

Nobody and I mean nobody can MAKE you miserable - unless you let them.

The thing to look for is what is their payoff for acting this way - and simply choose not to provide that satisfaction.

If they blame you for something, AND you are accountable for that - then by all means step up and acknowledge that you are accountable and you will make a new choice next time - AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT....

We live a majority of our lives looking back at our a_s_s rather than looking forward to creating real change and progress. If your family is constantly "getting in the way" by making you feel bad then choose to NOT BE A VICTIM and make a new choice that works for you.

And keep in mind forgiveness means that you have judged them for a transgression against you - based on your statement do you think your forgiveness even matters to them - or is it just expected.

Answer 5

Forgiveness is as much about you, the forgiver, as it is about them. From what you've said, they wouldn't understand what they are being forgiven for anyway. It also sounds like you're in a genuine no win situation. The best you can do is protect yourself, and the only way to do that is avoid your mother and sister. The whole deal is pretty sad, but it serves no purpose to keep hanging around getting beat up. Good luck.

Answer 6

are you me??? you sound like me. I too tried, and tried to "forgive" but i can't forgive because they do not acknowledge and wrong doing in our relationship. for my own good i have come to realize that they can not help it they are the way they are because of the mother who raised them. to prevent me from following in my mother's footsteps i had to cut all ties. i make no judgment here, but i want to recommend two books, Emotional Blackmail, and The Narcissistic Family. if you are the one getting blamed for everything, you might be the only one in search of the "essential truth" in your relationships with your family members. if any thing rings true for you when (if) you read these books, you might have to come to the realization that you are on your own. it might not be possible to have an authentic relationship with them. the pain of being the only one who tries might hurt far worse than the pain of removing them from your daily life. i'm so sorry for you, i hope everything works out.

Answer 7

I had the same experience in my family. I still love them, I still talk to them if they call, I am still here if they need me, but.... I have reduced my contact with them. I do not seek them out to try to maintain a relationship that is obviously one sided and not healthy for myself. I also have found that my contact now has less of the unpleasantness that it had before. My absence from their lives has left a hole and they are expressing more and more how much they miss seeing me.

Answer 8

Keep your distance. Forgive, but don't put your hand where you know you'll get burned. Walk in wisdom. Forgiveness doesn't mean stupidity. It' s love with the wisdom to do what is right for both parties, whether they realize it or not.

Answer 9

Forgive them, then pack your bags and move Faaaaaaaaar Faaaaaaar away from the Drama.

Answer 10

If they are not willing to give you the same respect you give them, then distance yourself from them. Simply say I deserve respect and if you can't give that to me then I will have to go my separate way...it may hurt but if you don't stand up for yourself they won't stop treating you with disrespect

They are your family and family can be difficult, not all families are like the ones you see on T.V....you owe yourself your sanity and self worth....find people in your life that treat you with respect and accept nothing less!