Accepting engagement ring (meant for ex) ??

Question

Hello!
My bf and I have a disagreement on this: He wants me to take an engagement ring that he bought for his ex.gf. He basically ask her to marry him but she said 'NO" -- so, his take is that the ring has never been used. But to me, it was USED because he used it to propose! I don't feel comfortable accepting it knowing that it was a ring that was not picked out for me?? Need some option on this. Am I just being unreasonable?? please help :) TIA

okay-- he wants me to add this in -- (cuz he said i'm not telling the "FULL" story) The ring is a 1.33 ct VS1, I , Flawless cut ( aka, its' not a cheap ring) --but to me, it wasn't the value of the ring...it's the sentiment of it all..... will anyone change their mind just because of the size/cost of the ring? lmk thanks again!

Answer 1

You are completely correct in your feelings over this. Regardless of how much he paid for the ring, or the fact it was never worn by his ex, you still have a valid point.
If this ring is so expensive, ask him to take it to a jewellers and sell it. Then you can pick out a ring of your own. Having an ex's cast offs isn't exactly romantic, and you need to tell him that! It would be like sleeping around his house and not having any underwear, and him letting you borrow something his ex left. It's just not right.
Good luck!

Answer 2

I wouldn't like that either. He had this other girl in his mind when he bought the ring, so it's been picked out for her. How long ago was it? You can usually exchange jewelry if it's never been worn. Why don't you guys look into exchanging it for a ring that costs the same? Try that first. If they won't give you one that costs the same, then you might have to accept it. Because he did spend a lot of money on it. Another option is to sell it for as much as he can and then take that money to buy you a ring. Tell your bf he never should have told you that he initially bought the ring for someone else. What you don't know can't hurt you...lol.

Answer 3

Stick to your guns on this one sweetheart. Though the ex never wore it, when he bought it the ring was for her and he had her in mind. Maybe he should just pawn it and use that money to pick out a ring for YOU!!!! If he is gonna be an insensitive, cheap jerk about it than maybe you should rethink your options here. You are not being unreasonable at all, a ring is a very special symbol of his love for you and how he envisions his future with you in it. Marriage is a very special thing and I think people now a days lose sight of what it really means and kinda just do it because everyone is doing it. He has to understand that that particular ring is a symbol of what his feeling were for someone else and I would be offended that he even thought it was ok to offer it to you. Stay firm on this one......I hope it all works out for you!!

Answer 4

You have my sympathy as a guy and I don't think that you are being unreasonable. I agree with some of the others answering this question and think that your man did at least tell you that the ring was bought for someone else but perhaps the two of you should come to some sort of a compromise over this. I'm sure that if you took it back to the shop that he bought it from or even a pawn shop they would be happy to negotiate a deal with him to exchange the ring for one of your choice. You will almost surely not get one of the same value but at least it would be yours and not left over from a previous relationship.

Answer 5

There is no way that you can be expected to accept this engagement ring. It is very wrong of your fiance to ask you to accept it.

As you say it was meant for someone else. More fool your fiance for not finding out whether his ex wanted to marry him before buying her a very expensive ring. He is being discorteous in the extreme by offering you the ring.

It's not the value of the ring that's the issue anyway.

A couple of suggestions:

- You could pawn the ring to buy another one.
- You could sell the ring using local advertising eg. newspaper, local shop window.
- If you change your mind and are willing to accept the ring, you could have a special message engraved on the inside of the ring to make you feel it belonged more to you.

Answer 6

It's meant to be one of the best moments in your life. He is being really, really cheap if he is trying to re-use it. I am a man and although it would hurt financially to take a hit on the price of the ring, I think he should go out of his way to make you feel special at this time. I think it will spoil your relationship forever if he does not got you your OWN ring. I am not being materialistic here, the ring is meant to be a token of his love for YOU not for his ex. The whole thing about the ring is really important, you wont even enjoy showing it off if you are not happy with it.

Answer 7

Maybe this is a bit late, but shouldn't you have said the ring was the ugliest thing you have ever seen? Where I come from girls get to choose the ring........usually with a maximum budget in mind. The important thing is to get it sorted; you are not even married yet and this seems to be a major disagreement.

Answer 8

No way! You are right in not wanting it! No-one would. I myself even go as far as to not feel comfortable having an engagement ring from my bf grandmother or mother as it would be too uncomfortable. The ring as to be for you, bought to you and only would be used by you. Even if the engagement ring is from a cereal box, that doesn't matter to me, what matters is that my bf saw it and got it for me and no one else.
Tell him to sell it in and with the money buy you a new one. If even then he says no, maybe he's too cheap with his money.

Answer 9

No dont accept the ring i wouldn't my fiancee still had his ex's engagement ring but we sold it we made a lose as we sold it for around £2. But i would have never taken a ring meant for his ex and neither should u. my fiancee's ex's ring cost alot an so did mine an mine cost more but at the end of the day its not the cost, its the thought of him thinking of u when he bought it and if it was for his ex then there was no thought of u when he bought it.

he should have taken it back if she had said no as only a materialistic girl would except a cast off like that no matter how great the ring is it doesn't matter at all. it was meant for her not u so dont except it girl.

Answer 10

No, you arent.. hes just pissed because he didn't have a good enough return policy for the ring the first time and now its too late to return it. :)

Have him sell it to a pawn shop, on ebay, or to a local jeweler...Then go ring shopping with him so he knows what you like and can buy you your own.

If he puts up a fight, tell him you will have the ring for life, and you don't want (or need) to think about his ex everytime you look at it. Good luck honey!