My brother treats my children like they are dirt. My mother says to ignore it. What is your advise?

Question

. I am divorced. A mother of three. The kids father terminated his rights. I had to move back in with my parents. My brother is 29 recently married. They live very close. See them everyday.

Answer 1

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHERS CRAZY!! ASK HER IF WHEN YOU WERE SMALL AND SOMEONE TREATED YOU THAT WAY, WOULD SHE HAVE IGNORED IT??!! I THINK NOT!! WHAT A LOUSY MOTHER! RAISING SUCH A RIDICULOUS SON. WAS THERE A FATHER IN HIS LIFE? TELL HER THAT AFTER RAISING A SON LIKE THAT-SHE BETTER NOT INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN! GOOD LUCK-IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE GOT YOUR HANDS FULL, RAISING 3 KIDS ALONE AND HAVING TO PUT UP WITH A MOTHER AND BROTHER LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!I'LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU! GOOD LUCK! AR EVA DIR CHI!

Answer 2

I have the same problem with my brother... and my mother also turns a blind eye to the situation. When I finally had enough of my brother getting away with making the kids feel bad, and the looks on their faces, I finally got in my brother's face. I did not yell and scream..I just simply got very close and in a deadly calm voice told him how i felt.... but he knew i meant business. He was mad. i let him sit on what i had said for about a week, and then i called him and told him that i loved him very much but i loved the kids too and that this behavior was not going to continue and so far it hasn't...i don't know that it is a long term solution but the way i see it, even if your brother is your blood, your kids are made of you..you have a responsibility to stand up for them and even if he is not physically hurting them he is emotionally hurting them and if he doesn't stop after you confront him...cut him out of your life until he grows up and accepts the children that are extentions of you. i am rambling now but i hope you get fed up enough to lay into him. Good luck.

Answer 3

First off... Do not ignore it.

Children learn by example... Its the same for their emotions. If your brother is rude, putting them down, and any other manner of disrespect and you don't stand up for them that is a major problem. (IMHO)

It may have a negative effect on your children, and it is obviously having a negative effect on your relationship with your brother. (And possibly mother.)

I'm not that great at confrontation myself... So I would script it out. You don't necessarily have to write it down, but I would.

Normally in a situation like that people will get pretty defensive... So let him know that you want to talk to him about something important to you, and not to interrupt till you've said your peace. If he agrees to that... You're golden... if not you may need to just limit his contact.

1st let him know how it makes you feel. Give an example of how it hurts your children's feelings and effects you. At that point you need to set new ground rules. I don't know what those rules should be... only you can come up with it.

Oh one more thing... it also helps to play devils advocate... try and think up the most horrible things that he could respond with and have responses ready... I doubt it will go that far... but you'll be prepared if it does.

I hate those type of situations, and I'm not very good at it... So this is really just advice I'm passing onto you I've gotten from psychologists etc.

Answer 4

Most people like children as they are adorable.. but some are jus not. They can't stand the sight of children running around in the house, making noise and especially when they cry.

So observe your brother and see how he treats the other children. Does he reserve this "special treatment" to your children only??

Your mom is right.. just ignore it if you still intend to stay in the same household. Otherwise, consider looking elsewhere.

Answer 5

Just be a man (or a woman)! You have a kid and you still ask your mom about how to act in life?

You gotta stand up, and show some self respect. You made this kid, and you can't protect it? This kids deserves your protection, if you can't do it, why did you have kids?

Sorry if I'm being rude, but you won't go anywhere in life unless you stand up and fight for you rights, and your kid's rights.

And you mom doesn't have a word to say about it.
Let's kick some brother's a$$. He couldn't deserve less anyway.

Answer 6

Tell your brother to stop being such a stinky-*sshole. Tell your family that until your brother grows up and stops treating your children like dirt you will not be bringing them around when/where he is.
You are the Mom and it is your job to protect your children from things/people who are not good for them, family or not.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

Well, instead of just automatically condemning your brother why not try to see things from HIS point of view and see if there is a reason for it.

Perhaps you are a lazy parent that can't be bothered to discipline your children, therefore they are obnoxious little pukes that NOBODY wants to be around including your brother?

If your children are perfect little angels and he still doesn't treat them very well, nobody said you had to spend time with him did they?

Answer 8

It depends, if they rarely see your brother then let it be. However, if your brother happens to be a daily/weekly part of their life, then tell him how you feel. You absolutely don't need to allow this type of behavior. Ask him what his deal is, if he's just being an *** to be an *** then tell him to knock it off. Children don't need to be exposed to that type of person. If it has something to do with him over-stepping his place, then talk with him about that....tell him where you'd like the boundaries to be.

Try not to initially approach this conversation with anger/attitude. Just tell him you want to talk about how he treats the kids. However, its my opinion that you need to stick up for your children if the treatment is especially cruel or mean.

Answer 9

That's horrible! How can your mother say that? You need to have a nice long talk with your brother explaining why your children (his nieces and nephews) do NOT need to be treating terribly. Tell him that if you catch him treating your children badly again, you aren't going to visit him again. Christmas cards is it if he treats them like dirt.

Answer 10

Your job as a parent is to proect your children from harm. If your brother is mistreating your children than you should stand up to him because you are your kids only protection and they trust you to keep them safe. Don't let anyone, including family treat your children that way.

Answer 11

sounds like your brother is jealous. Tell your mom that is her house and grandchildern and she should not allow it in her house. Talk to your brother and found out why he feels the need to do this. But never allow your kids to be treated this way. I raised 4 alone,its hard but you can do this. you need your own house,never worked when I stayed with my mother