can you tell me some funny jokes?

Answer 1

once a boy wanted to take a shower with his dad.so he asked.dad can i take a shower with you?he said ok,but dont look at my limousine(private spot).the next day he wanted to take a bath with mom.so he asked.mom,can i take a shower with u?she said yes,but dont look at my garage(private spot).
later on the boy said 'mom open the garage so dad could put his limousine in'
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why are black people so tall??
cuz their nee-grows

Answer 2

Here's the one that you will like:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

Answer 3

Once upon a time, three missionaries went to the Amazon to convert the natives. Upon arriving, they were knocked out by the natives and carried to their camp. When they all awoke they beheld a large ceremony with a spit in the center. Suddenly they realized that they were going to be eaten alive. They pleaded with the natives saying, "It's not right to eat people where we come from!" The natives gathered together to discuss what to do next. They told the missionaries that they would just have to kill them to please their gods. The missionaries again pleaded for their lives. The leaders of the tribe told them, "You have two choices, death or Jumanji." The first missionary figured that Jumanji must be better than death, so he chose Jumanji. Suddenly a 12 foot man with a 3 foot penis emerges from the forest and he's gay. He services the first missionary and lets him go. The second missionary decides that the Jumanji must be tired so he chooses Jumanji. Suddenly, a second 12 foot man with a 3 foot penis emerges from the jungle and he's also gay. He services the second missionary and lets him go. The third missionary, not wanting to go through the same things as the other two missionaries, chooses death. Instantly the tribe started to lose control. Out of the many words he heard coming from the tribe, among them he could hear, "Yeah, yeah, yeah! Death by Jumanji!" :)

Answer 4

A new girl arrived late to church one Sunday and found no empty seats near the back. She saw that the very front pew had room, so proceeded down the middle aisle.

This girl had curves that haven't been invented yet, beautiful long blonde hair, gorgeous face, legs out of this world, wearing a low cut slinky black dress.
The Preacher was already in the midst of his sermon and as she
proceeded down the aisle every one in the congregation turned with all their attention on the girl. Seeing this, the preacher paused in his sermon and waited until she was seated in the front pew.

He then pointed his forefinger at her.
"Young lady, you have interrupted this service and captured the attention of this entire congregation. Now I want you to know that you may have bothered many here but you have not bothered me one bit." Still pointing his finger, "I just have one question for you. When you arrive in Heaven what are you going to say when St. Finger shakes his peter at you?"

Answer 5

Some funny jokes?

Answer 6

The Bricklayer

To: Safety Committee
Gentlemen:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.

In Block #3 of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should "explain more fully" and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 lbs. of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof; swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 lbs. of brick. You will note in Block #11 of the accident reportirg form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In.the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tight to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of.the barrel. Devoid of the welght of the bricks, the barrel now weighted approximately 50 Ibs.

I refer again to my weight in Block #11. As you might Imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks; fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay on the bricks In pain - unable to stand, and watching the barrel six stories above me - I LET GO OF THE ROPE!!

Bob Berger

Answer 7

a man calls his home and his kid answers here is the conversation

dad: hi son can i talk to mommy
son: mommy's upstairs in a room with Uncle Paul
D : but we dont have an Uncle Paul
S : yes we do
D :well go upstairs and knock on the door and say "look daddy's car is in the drive way"

the son does exacally what the father says

S: ok daddy i did it
D: good what happened
S: well mommy was scared and she ran down the stairs naked and jumped out through the kitchen window and is still running
D: what happened to uncle paul
S: uncle paul jumped out of bed naked jumped out the window into the pool, and since you cleaned it out and you drained all the water he landed on the concrete and he look like he is sleeping
D: pool! is this 555-6789?

Answer 8

Everyone says that little boys wear superman pjamas, well superman wears Chuck Norris pjamas!

Answer 9

once there were two blondes driving to disneyland. they came to a sign. the sign said " disney land left" so they went home.

Answer 10

I heard that a bunch of squirrels were looking for you.........Why?.....well because they think ur nutz!


Don't laugh too hard at that one....blah!