HERE'S ONE TO GET STARTED ..............NEWS REPORT.....A LIGHT AIRCRAFT HAS CRASHED ON A CEMETERY IN IRELAND.......IRISH SEARCH AND RESCUE SAY THAT SO-FAR THEY HAVE RECOVERED 360 BODIES......
2006-07-12 11:45:49 · 20 answers · asked by THINKER 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Sea Of Beer
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
2006-07-12 14:15:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic?
A: It has a 12 month waiting list.
Q: What's long & green & has a low I.Q.?
A: A St. Patrick's Day Parade
Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!
Q: Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare.
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
2006-07-12 11:46:41 · answer #2 · answered by ღbrownsugarღ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the news report you quoted you forgot the best bit:
"NEWS REPORT.....A LIGHT AIRCRAFT HAS CRASHED ON A CEMETERY IN IRELAND.......IRISH SEARCH AND RESCUE SAY THAT SO-FAR THEY HAVE RECOVERED 360 BODIES......" a number which is expected to rise in the excavations which will continue throughout the night.
2006-07-13 23:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by claude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Willys cynical thought for the day;
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Two Irish guys, Mulligan and O'Shea, are in a lifeboat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, after surviving the sinking of the Titanic. Mulligan is the 'older' man, O'Shea is still young and wild!
O'Shea says, "Mulligan what are we to do now?"
Mulligan answers, "Sit tight young un, when the news hits they'll send rescue ships. I just wish we had something to ease the thirst."
O'Shea, looking around the boat, "Jeeze, if they gave us oars we might be able to row to shore."
Mulligan laughs and says, "We're smack dab in the middle of the ocean, if there was oars it would be like pissing in the sea!"
O'Shea can't sit still, though, in the corner he lifts a blanket and out pops a bottle. "Mulligan can it be we're saved?"
Mulligan, looks at the bottle sees there's nothing in it, sarcastically tells O'Shea, "So why don't you rub it, see what pops out?"
O'Shea is already, enthusiastically, doing this. All of a a sudden a Magic Genie pops out. The Genie looks at the two of them and says, "Aight me boys, I'm very busy today, so I can ONLY give ya one wish. Better make it a GOOD ONE!"
Immediately O'Shea says, "Make the ocean beer!" With a wave of its hand
Mulligan looks at O'Shea and says, "Very smart, me young friend, now we've got to piss in the boat!"
2006-07-12 15:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm Irish, and I've NEVER heard an Irish joke that was genuinely Irish. In other words, they're always jokes where you could just change the country.
2006-07-12 11:52:37 · answer #5 · answered by Burnsie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tiger Woods pulls up to a small gas station in Ireland, in his brand new Benz. As he he pulls to a stop an OLD Irishman comes out hand yells "who are you, someone I'mportant i guess from the car". I'm Tiger Woods!........never heard of ya..... So as Tiger gets out of the car two tees drop to the ground.....What are those? Said the Irishman. Oh i put my balls on those when im driving. The man replies, GOOD LORD WHAT WILL THE GERMANS THINK OF NEXT!!!!!
2006-07-12 16:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by honda guy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paddy O'Flannigan was on his death bed and asked of His son Mike, I can smell Your Mother is cooking up Me favorite, Cabbage and potatoes with the corned beef I preserved last winter. If that glorious flavor could pass through Me lips but one last time, I could die a happy Man. Mikey replied, Oh I'm so sorry papa, Mama says thats for after the funeral.
2006-07-12 12:53:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An Englishman, Scotsman & Irishman were painting the forth railway bridge. On their lunchbreak, they opened their sandwiches & the Englishman said on opening his said, "Oh no, not ham again, 30 years I've had ham sandwiches & if I have the same tomorrow, I'm jumping off this bridge." The Scotsman on opening his saw he had cheese & pickle. He said "Cheese & pickle again! 30 years I've been having these sandwiches, & if I have the same tomorrow, I'm jumping off this bridge." Finally the Irishman opened his lunchbox & found he had tomato ketchup sandwiches. "Be Jesus, 30 years I've had tomato ketchup sandwiches, if I have tomato ketchup sandwiches tomorrow, I'm jumping off this bridge." The next day arrives & surely enough, the Englishman saw he had ham sandwiches & jumped off the bridge, The Scotsman saw he had cheese & pickle, so he too jumped off the bridge. On seeing he had tomato sauce sandwiches also jumped off the bridge & all died. Soon after, an inquest was held & The Englishman's wife was told of what her husband said, and replied, "If he had just said, I would have given him something else. Next came the Scotsmans wife, she also said " If he had just said, I would have given him something else"
Finally, the Irishman's wife was told what her husband said, & she replied, "He always made his own focking sandwiches!!!"
2006-07-12 12:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by jack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An Irish guy walked out of a bar...
2006-07-12 11:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by twiztidsdad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a brain surgeon operating on a Irishman?
A. A Space Invader
2006-07-12 11:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋