You got favorite joke, will you let me hear it?

Question

Best joke could win an Ipod or 10 yahoo answers points.

Chances of winning
an IPOD 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1
chances of points 20 to 1

Answer 1

The Bricklayer

To: Safety Committee
Gentlemen:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.

In Block #3 of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should "explain more fully" and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 lbs. of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof; swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 lbs. of brick. You will note in Block #11 of the accident reportirg form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In.the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tight to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of.the barrel. Devoid of the welght of the bricks, the barrel now weighted approximately 50 Ibs.

I refer again to my weight in Block #11. As you might Imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks; fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay on the bricks In pain - unable to stand, and watching the barrel six stories above me - I LET GO OF THE ROPE!!

Bob Berger

Answer 2

A guy goes for a job as a tree surgeon. He is taken to the forest in a large van to be tested on his tree knowledge. The examiner says:

"Right, let's see what you know about trees. What's that one over there?" He points to a nearby tree.

"Easy." Answers the guy. "It's a beech, and to save you time that's a birch, that's a sycamore, that's a hawthorn and that one's an Ash." He says pointing out the various trees.

"Well, that's astounding." Says the examiner. "What about this one?" and points at a huge tree.

"Well that's easy." replies the would be surgeon. "That's the king of trees, an English Oak."

"And how tall is it?" He is asked.

"Sixty three feet and seven inches." Came the smug reply.

"Hell fire, how'd you know that?" Asks Mr Examiner.

"Easy, I'm an expert, I told you."

"Right, we'll see." Says the examiner and gets a ladder and tape measure from the van. He climbs the tree and finds that it is exactly sixty three feet and seven inches high. "OK." He thinks. "He's too good for me, but I'll catch him out yet."

Returning to the ground he says. "This tree, this mighty oak. Tell me, which is the front and which is the back? Answer that right and the job's yours."

The tree expert looks puzzled. "Front and back, don't you mean North and South?"

"No, front and back, don't you know?" He asks triumphantly.

"Sure, just a minute." The expert walks over to the tree and marches round it three times before stopping and patting one side of it. "This," He says, "This is the front and the other side's the back."

"Nonsense!" Exclaims the examiner. "That's impossible. How can you tell?"

"Quite simple really." Says the expert. "Round the other side of the tree is a pile of poop, and nobody has a poop in FRONT of a tree, do they?"

Answer 3

Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and Nelson Mandela are on a plane with 20 kids. The plane is about to crash, but there are only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela says "Let the kids have the parachutes." Bill Clinton says "screw the kids." Michael Jackson says "Yes yes, but do we have enough time?"

he he always makes me laugh

Answer 4

three men were on top of a mountain when a Ginni appeared and said that he would grant a wish to each of them.the first man wanted to be a bird. so he said bird and flew away.then the second man said fish and fell into the stream.Then the third man tripped over a rock and said crap.

Answer 5

This woman wants larger breasts, so she says to her husband. Im going to breast implants. So the husband says, thats a good idea, but I have a cheaper way of making your breasts bigger. Just rub toilet paper between them. the wife asks. how will that make them bigger? The husband says. I don't know, but it sure worked for your butt. I would have said *** but it would come up like asterisks.

Answer 6

when god was making all the people what did he say when he saw the first black person?





































oh s h i t i burnt one.