I'm really bored at work today can some one make me laugh?

Question

I really just don't have motivation to work and I am in pain. Everyone always says that laughter is the best medicine. Please give me your funniest jokes. Just put a funny word to at least get 2 points Best 1 gets 10 points.

Answer 1

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 2

So sorry you're in pain yet you are working! Very noble. wish i knew more about you (your sense of humor) so i could write a few "custom made" funnies expressly for you . here's a couple,not my funniest(usually dirty) but they might help.........................
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says,"Hey,why the long face?"
A gorrilla orders a beer at a bar ( the bartender decides to take advantage of the big ape and says) "That'll be $50 bucks!" ( thinking that the monkey could'nt possibly know what a beer should cost)He takes the money from the hairy patron,then decides to make small talk with him.....the barkeep says"You know?,We don't get many gorrillas in here!". The gorrilla replies..."I'm not surprised, at these prices!". hope you feel better!

Answer 3

I just got this in my email from a friend today:

A small zoo in Alabama had a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem: the gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised Southern Baptist." Once again, the Keeper agreed.

4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me a couple of weeks to come up with the $500.00."

:)

Answer 4

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the
woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will
grant you three wishes.


The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"


The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be
the most beautiful woman in the world."


The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
women will flock to".


The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.



The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man
in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.


The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


ATTENTION female readers: This is the END of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good.


ATTENTION MALE readers: Please scroll down.



Scroll down

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Scroll down

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Scroll down

:

:

:

:

:

:

:
Scroll down

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Scroll down .. A bit more..


The man had a heart attack ten times MILDER than his wife!!!

MORAL OF THE STORY : Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

Answer 5

particular, I laughed extremely not effortless even as i develop into jumping on the mattress with my son, (i understand I ought to not be doing that, even yet it develop into very spontanious), besides, I fell remote from mattress. Charlie (my son), said he gave me a 7 for type!

Answer 6

Go to Yahoo! Click kids. Click jokes. Click any categories you want to here. Sometimes you can make your own up!

Answer 7

Absolutely hilarious one .....
George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab, India. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"
"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire hockey team from my neighborhood. That makes 14"
Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Arrey O! what the.... " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara Long Distance , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."
Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to
1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Oh you ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the store's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
"Good Day, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"
"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of buttermilks, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"


from the sender: no buddy...there's really no war on!!

Answer 8

Two cannibals were eating a clown.One says to the other"does this taste funny to you?"

Answer 9

Two peanuts were in a bad neighborhood. One was a salted...

Answer 10

confucias once say man who stick pen!s in peanut jar is fuccen nuts