is this a normal relationship?

Question

sex every 3-4 weeks.
He doesn't plan dates for us.
He always feel their is tension between us, and there is obviously b/c of the way he treats me and our relationship but he doesn't see it, always says something to justify when its about his issues.
He doesn't hug me or touch my neck or SOMETHING on a normal basis, I'd say maybe three times a week.
He's doesn't call to say I love you or just thinking of you, maybe twice a month.
he'll easily complain if I didn't change the babies diaper, or give him his business mail, or something of that sort.
he's not dominant or demanding, trust me. More like a negative person who thinks he's just find and dandy!
But its ruining our relationship, talking to him has been hell. He seems to always say, "what about when I gave you a hug last night?!" etc. etc.
It's making me want to breakdown and my depression is getting worse. We have kids he watches during the day, no money for babysitting, I can't live like this! Help!

If you are going to suggest therapy, let me let you know he doesn't stick to anything and forcing him to go would only make me rage, shouldn't he push himself if he wants this to work?!

Answer 1

so basically you are not respected in a relationship. You can't get no loving or affection and your falling deeper into depression and you want us to what? You need to be level headed so you can raise you kids and if the person your raising the kids with can't or wont sit with you and work out the issues regarding your relationship...I would leave.

Answer 2

Honestly, i don't think he sees the importance of having you by his side and you need to point that out to him. Worse comes to worse, leave and stay with your parents for a week. That way he'll see everything you do for him and grow an appreciation for you and will treat you better. If he doesn't, then you know he's not worth it and you can find a better man. I know it seems hard because you guys have kids together and you feel obligated to keep the family together, but in the long run, it's better to find out the truth now even though it'll hurt, but a short pain is better than a long pain. You don't want your kids growing up with distant parents. Be strong and don't comprimise who you really are for a relationship. If he doesnt' realize all these things, he can't change and for him to change he has to realize and want to make that change. You can't change anybody but you can change what you have. Believe it or not, you have the upper hand. Make the wise decision. Take a break and think things over. Give yourself room to breath and most importantly, be patient when you're doing this and really think. Don't rush your decision.

Answer 3

No it's not. I think that you need to drop this dude. Doesn't sound like he does anything good/right cept for babysitting. He doesn't seem to be doing much for your self-esteem OR self-worth.

OR, you can have a very serious talk w/ him. I'd try this first. Let him know exactly how you're feeling. Tell him everything that you've posted here & anything else that you may have left out. If you can't talk to him, (w/o him getting mad) then what's the rel based on ? Communication is key, & you're not gonna get anywhere w/o communicating your thoughts & feelings to him. Maybe this'll give him a wake up call ! When my boss wrote a warning bout something she gave me 2 wks to improve & that was my wake up call. She read me the letter & talked to me bout what she wasn't happy w/. Good luck !!!

Answer 4

You need some one to treat you like a princess. All women should be loved and hugged on regular basis. (Men too). Talk to him and let him know how he's making you feel, work it out, you have kids, that need a Mommy & Daddy. For the sake of the kids do what ever is nessasry to make this work. If all else fails remember I think your a princess. Hugs and kisses.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are just two different people, whether the relationship has always been this way or has become this...if it's always been this way, then you just chose to "settle" when you got with him or hoped to change him (bad idea)...if this is a more recent development and he's not always been as he is now, then see if he'd agree to couples counseling so y'all can figure out why things changed, and how to get the life back in your relationship...

Otherwise, it sounds as though it may be time for y'all to part ways...you're obviously unhappy and there's no need for that...don't stick in an unhappy situation, this life is too short...fix it if ya can, or move on...

Good luck!

Answer 6

It sounds like you have been married for 20 years, having 5 children that worn you all out - and after all this time you've lost interest in each other and forgot how to talk and touch.

Speaking with eachother is crucial in having a spiritual and nice realtionship managing having sex and love. So you need to start talking. Why are you feeling this way? Why is he feeling that way. It is important though that you do not blame him and tell him what mistakes he makes - like you've done in this question: He complains, he doesnt call to say I love you.

What do you do??? Make sure you give him positive feedback when you talk so that you make the talk worthwhile. Tell him how you feel to make your point : ) Yes?

Good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are spending too much time together under stress. It is a shame that you don't have anyone to babysit for you so that you can get out of the house together. Take a step back, sweetie, and try to see things objectively. Men, in general, do not like to be nagged~especially when they feel like they are stuck in a situation. Not saying that he is stuck in the marriage, just financially stuck to the point where he knows he cannot provide an "out" for the two of you. I understand this situation so well because I was in it, unfortunately, my husband was also seeing women on the side... one of whom he left me for! But, please, do not assume the worst because I said that. Not every man is as indignant as he is. Try to back off, hard as I know it is, and be prepared to make his days better. Do that and I'm sure you will see results. Remind him that he DOES appreciate you by showing him all that you do for him (not by saying it).

Answer 8

Girl maybe he is just GAY, no but seriously, ma u dont need that and I know u love him, but really we can't help u only u can help ur self, the only person really know what she want is you, think about the PROS and the CONS of the relationships, and pray about u will be fine and if u can do it by urself then do, u dnt need him, someone will come alone that love u an kids just a much as he do, and treat u right.

Answer 9

You two are in a bad cycle and it sounds like he doesn't want to or isn't going to change so you're going to have to decide if you can live like this and if you can't than you're going to have to think about what you want for your life and how to go about making those changes. Of course with the kids involved you have the make the kids safety and well being a priority in the decisions you make but having a mom that's miserable and depressed isn't going to be good for any of you. Good luck.

Answer 10

It happens a lot to people. You are wanting him to change, but to change the situation YOU have to change first. Sounds like you are wanting him to initiate. YOU need to touch him. Give him a hug, initiate sex. The problem is that you are feeling neglected and he doesn't think that's reasonable. Life is ok for him but not for you. YOU need a change. I think start taking yoga first. Try changing how you act towards him and see what happens. If you don't like it still, change to something else. Try getting the book "getting the love you want" which helped me get romatic feelings back. Try not to blame him so much. He is not responsible for your feelings and your life. he was probably raised without much affection.