Hello, my wife and I are having a hard time deciding whether or not to allow my brother to move in with us. He is 24 and is an alcoholic. He recently made some poor decisions, resulting in the loss of his job, fiance, and credit rating. My parents just kicked him out because of his issues. He currently lives in Chicago, and we live in Los Angeles. I thought perhaps having him "start fresh" out here might get him motivated to move on. As of now, we are all very concerned that he may take his own life.
Any advice and/or experiences are helpful! Thanks!
2006-07-12 08:51:56 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Only do it if you have the energy and the room and make him agree to a few things and tell him if he screws up even once he's out (and don't kid around with it).
Make him go to AA meetings.
Make him get and hold a job, 40 hours a week.
Make him quite drinking, completely.
Collect rent from him, or take his whole paycheck and distribute accordingly.
Help him choose his friends, I know he's 24 but he will find the kind of people he likes to hang out with again if you don't intervene.
Good luck.
2006-07-12 08:58:21 · answer #1 · answered by Kay Eliz 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hi there , we just recently had a good friend of ours in the same situation. He was Diabetic and drinking heavy. Light out for him was on a daily basis, he is 36. So his Dad shipped him back to his twin brother. His twin brothers wife set rules right of the start,she told him : No smoking ,no drinking in the house and around the kids and you go do some counselling. Guess what. ? He got a job and is clean so far. He also is happy and enjoyes life again. These was 4 month ago. ---- He I know of a nother example; My girlfriends brother moved into there basement. He also was an alcoholic. But sens he has his regular food and company with his family he also is happy. --- So my advice to you both : give it a try but set rules right in front of it and stick with them. Good Luck for you both and you brother. You will need a lot of pations.
2006-07-12 09:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by diamantenkitty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tough spot to be in. I do not envy you.
My husband and I have let many people live with us over the past 26 years and I will tell you that it is never easy even in the best of circumstances. Your brother has a lot of problems and maybe you are right and a fresh start is what he needs. But don't let your fear of what he may do be your reason for letting him move in. If he is going to hurt himself, he will do it no matter where he is.
Does he know he has a problem? Is he willing to do something about it? Will he go to AA?
Perhaps you should put him in a treatment facility first and if he does alright, then you can think about letting him stay with you.
2006-07-12 09:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience I would tell you it's not a good idea. My husband and I allowed my grandfather to move in with us to help him out. He also was an alcoholic, he drank a gallon of whiskey every 2 days! It is something I wish I had not done. He would sneak off to drink at night while we were asleep because we would not enable him to drink in our home. I would find empty liquor bottles and beer cans across the street hidden under a tree. It ended with my husband and myself asking him to leave because of the chaos he created in our home. He would get so drunk he would vomit in our kitchen sink and it was just a bad experience. So I would have to advise you that it is a decision that you should not enter into lightly. I will also tell you that 3 years ago he passed away from alcohol abuse related diseases and lack of nourishment from all the drinking. When I tell you this is a bad idea that is true, but it is hard to turn a family member away. I recomend that he go into rehab
2006-07-12 09:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by I got answers! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very touchy topic....... First make sure your wife is 100% OK with this & just not going along with the idea to be a good wife! If so, you MUST set the guidelines first! NO Alcohol, he must attend AA, He can only stay a specific time until he can get on his feet, if he can't help with rent, he needs to mow lawn, take out trash etc. Until he gets a job, he needs to be a productive part of the family verses a free loader who you are empowering. He must know this YOUR home. Good luck, I've been in your shoes.
2006-07-12 09:05:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is wonderful that you want to help him, but set up some limits. We've had people move in with us and usually it is a bad situation. He needs to understand that there are certain conditions to him moving in with you and if he cannot accept those standards, then he will need to move on, even if that means going out on the street. He may need to hit rock bottom before he will get better. Think and pray about this carefully before agreeing to take him in, and you might want to ask your parents why they kicked him out.
Also, don't allow him your keys to the car, because you would be responsible for any accidents if he uses your car.
Think about this decision very carefully.
2006-07-12 08:58:47 · answer #6 · answered by Searcher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Althought it might be difficult because he is an alcoholic, I think you guys should allow him to move in. IF your wife is alright with it, I dont see why not! Besides your brother is young and needs family support more than ever right now! So tell him to move to Los Angeles and when he does...email me...is he cute? lol..jk..but yes seriously be there for him!! At least give him a chance...but give him guidelines before so that he knows that he has to get things straight...goodluck!!
2006-07-12 08:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sunkist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about your own situation. If you have kids do you really want them exposed to all of that? It is hard enough for kids to deal with everyday life instead bringing in a problem that can be easily prevented.
Now if you don't have any children involved you can set some ground rules and stick with them. None of this 3 strikes your out stuff.
Hope this helps~
2006-07-12 09:01:53 · answer #8 · answered by Bon Bon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one
we helped a friend of ours this way but it put a big dent in our marriage
I also have a family member who my grandmother is helping
unfortunately the thing is sometimes the best help is to not help
if they are threatening to take their life then you need to find out where he is and call the police tell them he will be taken to a psychiatric ward for 72 hours or as long as he is a threat to himself and while there he will receive therapy it may be the wake up call he needs
another thing not to downplay that he may take his life sometimes it is a way to get you to bail him out
if you do take him in there must be rules No drinking if you do you can not be here No borrowing money I mean stir ck rules and they can never be broken if they are he has to go then not tomorrow then he will know you are serious
you are in a bad spot my prayers be with you good luck
2006-07-12 09:00:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gotta say, it sounds like your brother has problems that he needs to step up and work out on his own. The last thing he needs is somebody (you) enabling his behavior. Also, your relationship with your wife absolutely must be your first priority, and having an alcoholic family member in your home will almost undoubtedly cause strain in your relationship.
Just my thoughts man, best of luck to ya.
2006-07-12 08:56:44 · answer #10 · answered by dandelion86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋