Is it fair to ask me to change? Don't we all have our vices? I haven't asked him to change....
2006-07-12 08:46:49 · 16 answers · asked by Elvira Bah Humbug 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Does he do anything that annoys you?
Quit smoking so you have more money for drinks :).
2006-07-12 08:59:28 · answer #1 · answered by handydaddy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its not fair for him to ask you to change, but at the same time- unless you DO change this relationship is doomed. If your boyfriend is really important to you, then maybe you would want to change, not completely- just maybe stop smoking since it IS really bad for you, and cut back the drinking. If you are not willing to do this, then that's fine, but you should cut him loose and find someone who won't mind these particular vices. It is true that EVERYONE has downfalls, but as a person in a relationship there are certain flaws we can and cannot tolerate on a personal level. It sounds like your smoking and drinking REALLY bothers him, and if its something he can't put up with, then the two of you should break it off. Trust me, its only going to get WORSE as time goes on, even if you are perfect otherwise, he will not let go of this. He will nag you more and more, and get more fed up with it, and this will be harsh on you. If he's already complaining and this uncomfortable with it now, think of what a nightmare it would be if the two of you got married! Sometimes we self sacrifice for the ones we love. You need to decide what's more important to you...your lifestyle, or your significant other. There is no right or wrong answer, you just have to follow your heart! Good luck.
2006-07-12 08:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by neverneverland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he thinks you are drinking too much - and sees this as a problem.
If you don't think you want to give up your smoking/drinking - then, perhaps you should give him up.
Smoking and drinking are very unhealthy - if he wants you to stop because he is actually concerned w/ you, thats a great reason to quit. HOWEVER, if it's a control issue... well, step back.
Sometimes people who drink too much, really don't realize how much they are drinking.
I'd say, if its a problem in the relationship and you are not willing to change those things ~ maybe it's just not met to be.
If he were asking you to do something else which could be seen as a control issue, like "stop painting your nails, don't look this way, don't go to the store after noon.." things like that... that would be a bad thing. I dont think taking time to stop drinking or smoking are bad things to ask.
2006-07-12 08:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by Patti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smoking and drinking aren't personality trait's, so he's not trying to change "who" you are, but isn't keen on a couple of your behaviors...
Your comment above was "too much"...so that implies there is probably a middle ground the two of you could find, if it's important enough to you, that would be acceptable...
Do you think either of those habits are something you do to excess? They are both unhealthy, and can be hazardous to those around you as well...how much is "too much" in his mind?
Bottom line is does having him in your life mean enough to you for you to consider making some adjustments or compromises?
I also smoke and drink...and doubt I'd care to date someone that doesn't do either of those things...but I'd have no problem (for example) not smoking around someone I was dating when we were one-on-one, if he was a non-smoker...
You have to decide which is more important, but don't rule out his words completely because you're upset that he stated something about you he didn't find "perfect"...be objective and consider if he may be right...
2006-07-12 08:55:35 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as if you have the perfect boyfriend!? I don't think he is trying to change you. He is probably looking out for your best interest and your health. I'm sure he wants you to live a long full life, without something to help kill you faster.
Everything in moderation!! It's one thing to have an occasional drink or drink socially, but it appears as if he thinks you drink too much. How much is too much? And quite franky, smoking is not sexy..it is just plain disgusting!
Relationships are all about compromise, but not giving up something for someone else. You have to do it for yourself!
Good luck! :)
2006-07-12 08:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by classybitch_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's only asking because apparently he cares! If he was asking you to stop wearing certain things or something of that sort I would say he doesn't have the right...he doesn't necessarily have the right to ask you to stop drinking and smoking but at least he's concerned about your health. I wouldn't complain!
2006-07-12 08:51:49 · answer #6 · answered by sweetestthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with Sir J.
he probably doesn't see it as asking you to change for him. he probably just wants you to be healthy and safe and stuff. you have to ask yourself, is the drinking and smoking a big part of who you are? could you be the same person without it?
2006-07-12 08:52:14 · answer #7 · answered by fadetopink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he doesn't do it to change you but because if he really cares for you he doesn't want you to damage your body by smoking and drinking too much.
Look it that way!!! what guy cares, and the ones that do keep them otherwise he will find someone else.
2006-07-12 08:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by latina lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I asked my gf to stop smoking, mostly because I hated the metallic taste when kissing her after she smoked (gum doesn't get rid of it). Plus he cares about you and wants you to be healthy.
2006-07-12 08:53:08 · answer #9 · answered by DarKBoArDeR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well to tell you the truth If i was a guy I wouldn't ask you out if you had bad habits. I'm surprised he has put up with you this long. :) in the nicest way.
2006-07-12 08:51:34 · answer #10 · answered by kimber g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋