Should I take my neice to live with me?

Question

Its a long story but I will try to explain My brother who has been in a bit of trouble (jail & prison for things: stealing, breaking & entering, etc) spent about 2 years in prison He is out now for about a year and doing well in most areas (house good job) He has a daughter Abbie 3 and recently a new son Will 1month They have different moms About a year ago Abbies mom gave all her rights to my brother(she didn't want to be a fulltime mom) She (abbies mom) was spending time with her until she came back sexually molested by Jessica's stepdad now my bro has fullcustody of Abbie but he is so bad with her yells screams its like he only want his 'new' family not her My famiy thinks that she should come live w/my husband and i cause we can provide emotionally & financially for her. I am positive he will let her come to my house Should I but in or just let it go? Please give me your opinion I am really upset and don't know what to do I am sorry it was such a long story. What should I do?

Ok, I have a total understanding what I need to do. Now, how do I talk to him about it? I mean I am telling him he is a bad parent and I want his daughter out of there. Not going to turn out well. What if he gets really mad and won't let me see her anymore. That would kill us!

Answer 1

OMG, If you and your husband are okay with helping this girl, PLEASE DO IT!!! There is nothing better for a girl in such a dysfunctional situation than famlily who will care for her and love her. Please take her in, raise her, and love her as your own. She is family; you owe it to her.

Answer 2

I agree with the others that you should butt in.

I temporarily switched families when I was in college and even then it was really hard. The new family was much better but there were so many different values that it was hard for me. And I felt alone since I wasn't close to these new people. In the end, it was extremely beneficial. I could not be the person that I am today.

There are studies of foster care children that show that no matter how bad the situation, they always want to be with their parents, because the bond is so strong. Therefore, you would definitely want to arrange for some visitation rights for the biological father.

Because she will have mixed feelings about leaving her home, I think it is a good idea to cheer her up with small things such as a trip to dairy queen, a horseback ride, a new build-a-bear for her new room, lessons of some sort etc.

While I realized that my parents had to care for me, I knew it was optional for my relatives so I tried very hard not to inconvenience them. I kept my own food in a drawer and always stayed in my room! I didn't want to betray my family and discuss the abusive behavior at home although it did need to be discussed. Although my relatives were very welcoming, I felt like an outsider and so my behavior was more like it would be at school rather than at home.

Answer 3

Ok, so you know you want to take the little girl, but you don't want to tick your brother off in the process? Try this. This is what I do with my sister's 4 kids, and it will give you and your husband a chance to experience what it will be like having her before you actually jump into full time parenting.

Start with an offer to "Watch" her for him when he's really frustrated with her. Tell him it will give him time to cool off for a few days and that when he's ready, you can bring her back home. After that take her back to him. If he calls for her, take her home. Don't do anything with her that he doesn't want you too.. Yet. After a few weeks, start asking if you can have her longer - plan an activity with her that you can only do the day After he wants her back. Birthday parties with your neighbors, play groups/dates, trips to the museum, stuff like that. Begin conversations with him about the things she does at your house that are different at his house- but don't make it sound like they are your accomplishments (even if they are).

Invite your brother over sometimes when you have her. Let him see how she responds to you, and the ways you provide for her. If she is such an unwanted thing in his life, he may come to the decison to let you keep her full time on his own.

In the meanwhile, take her time with you to allow you and your husband to take in the gravity of being parental figures in her life. You can't feel sorry about her past and try to "make up for it" by spoiling her. You can be a firm Aunt and Uncle as well as loving. If you find that full time just isn't going to work for you, keep the visits as they are. Take her when he needs you too, but give her back when he's ready. That way you get your breaks too (if you need them).

For the little girl, always make Daddy's visits a happy time, so she doesn't learn to resent him. If it works out, it will allow daddy to take part in her life without feeling burdened by her. She will have a good home, and a good relationship with her dad. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think youshould definitely step in. talk to your brother about his behavior towards his daughter. remind him that that is his first born and his DAUGHTER, fatherr and daughters should have special relationships! Let him know that you will gladly take her if he is unable or not willing to deal with his repsonsibilty. Please don't just ignore it because alot of times the yealling and screaming can turn into a lot worse and imagine how'd you feel then knowing you could have and should have done somethign to help this little girl, your niece, your blood! If you can provide her with a loving and nurturing environment try anything you can to pursuade your brother it is for the best and that he will always be her father and able to spend time with her, but she needs a stabel environment!

Answer 5

Family is the most important. I think your little niece didn't choose to be born in such a bad situation that she is in. In her young life she has been bounced around, sexually abused, and unwanted by her mother. Please take that little angel, its not her fault. You surely will be blessed for doing it. If you can give her the security and love, then do so. If you and your husband are in aggreement then you don't need any other approval. You go for it!!!!!

Answer 6

ok i am going to likely get distinct thumbs down for this so go ahead, convey it on, yet i imagine you're being too troublesome on her. I said one individual advise that you're making poultry nuggets at living house and purchase extra valuable high quality warm canines and that i imagine it really is a good theory. If she'll devour pizza or spaghetti you could puree vegetables and sneak it into the sauce. be particular she takes a multi-diet. maximum little ones, even the pickiest eaters like fruit smoothies- you could cause them to with yogurt, frozen fruit and wheat germ. you could also upload powdered milk for further calcium. She in common words has 2 extra months with you and she or he's been by ability of a lot. I purely sense like a extra delicate attitude (sneaking food in her rather of the consistent war), should be extra powerful and extra effortless on everybody in touch in the issue. If it were purely your effortless youngster performing spoiled then i'd be giving diverse suggestion yet this youngster has had distinct disruption in her life that she did not ask for and that i imagine you should take that into interest- poor element. =[ i imagine you sound like a good Aunt and she or he's fortunate to have you ever yet i'd go a touch extra effortless on her even as it is composed of the food because there are different procedures to attend to it- you in common words should be inventive. per chance you should even try having her help you practice the food, that ought to perk her interest. good success! =]

Answer 7

Absolutely. But do your best to get a guardianship of the girl. It's cheap and that gives her legal protection in your household. If you don't have much money most Legal Aid agencies will do it for free in your situation. If not most lawyers will do it for little money. That allows her to legally attend school in your city with no hassles, get under your medical insurance, etc. It also allows you to protect her with restraining orders if needed.

Protect the child. Your instincts are correct here.

Answer 8

You are this little girls chance for a real future. Dont be selfish by waiting a second longer. There are many couples who wish to have such a little life in their lives. Count your blessings, and jump at this chance to save a life.

Besides, she is your blood! YOU MUST DO THIS

Answer 9

All you need to be concerned with is "the best interest of the child". Screw everything and everyone else. If you can provide financially, but most importantly, emotionally for the child, then the question answers itself.

Answer 10

I think you should do what ever is best for the child.....I couldn't tell you how to approach your brother to ask him this but i'm sure you could think of something that won't offend him.......If I were you I would try to get custody.......just be wise and don'y let the situation get out of hand!