How do you deal with a 17 yo son?

Question

Im a single dad of 4 my oldest is 17. He is allways getting into powerplays with me. I got him up and asked him to come with me to help me this morning. He came and we stopped some where. He then got out of the car and lit up a cig. He knows He cant smoke around me. He told me to wait untill he finishes his cig. I left him there. This was were his sisters are right now. How do I not take this crap from him but still show him the love and respect I expect from him?

Answer 1

If he does more than smokes cigarettes, then you have something to worry about, try telling him, you'll put him into J D C, = Juvenile Delinquent Center. But come on at 17 only thing he does is smoke around you. Get a life mister, this is your son, so what if he smokes, in time he'll learn that smoking is bad for him. ( smoking calms peoples nerves down) and will no longer want to do it. Maybe he does it due to you critisizing him all the time. Lighten up on him please, or you will have 3 more handfuls to worry about.

Answer 2

First of all, in my opinion, you need to decide who will be the boss. Not trying to disrespect you, but you're going to need to show him some tough love. If you don't, then all the other siblings will follow him in the same way. This is normal teenage rebellion, and you should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago. Anyway, he's going to have to learn to respect your wishes, as long as he lives at home with you. One way or another. If he don't like it, then he can always leave (this is mean, but if you don't do something quick, you'll have to give him that ultimatum). Never let him talk to you in a disrespectful manner, don't stand for it. Don't be intimidated by him either. If he decides to get physical with you, then give him an @$$ beating he won't soon forget. All teenagers sooner or later will try their parents, just to see how far they can get. Mine tried at 14, and learned very quickly that I was still the boss. He's 21 now, and still respects me. Think about this very carefully, and I wish you the best of luck........

Answer 3

My father used to say "You can tell a teenager.. you just cant tell him much", and Benjamin Franklin said" I left home when I was 18, and returned when I was 23. I was amazed at how much my father learned in 5 years".
Your son thinks he is an adult, so he is challenging you. He wants you to be frustrated, so its working. I suggest you sit down with your son and have a discussion. Let him know that you respect him, and that he will soon be an adult. Then tell him you will not offer him advice, unless he asks for it . That you will treat him with respect, and expect the same. Eventually, he will be an adult, and have more maturity. hopefully you'll live long enough to see it!
If his behavior is wrong, tell him why it disturbs you, and dont nag him. Tell him you expect him to treat with the same dignity he would show to his friends, and that you show to him.

Answer 4

Then dont make a large deal out of it. both considered one of my sons began masturbating on the age of 10.I envisioned this and became by no potential "shocked". it looks you've been shocked to do not ignore that the boy wasn't little anymore and has a sex existence now. That horse left the barn a lengthy time period in the past, Dad. the perfect reaction is to say "oops" and leave the room. do not purely walk in both, that isn't cool and also you should be pissed if he did that on you.

Answer 5

I would've jerked the cig out of the smarty's mouth and told him to get his rear in the vehicle! Who's the boss? You are this kid who thinks he's all that and a bag of chips.

Be a parent single dad. You're the one in charge...Don't take disrepect from this smarty...even if he's your kid...Tell him to either shape up or ship out!

Answer 6

I work with troubled teenagers. Everything I was going to suggest has already been provided to you. Just read your replies and take what works best for your situation and apply it.
Only precaution I offer is, once you draw that "line" you MUST be willing to back it up.
GOOD LUCK and let us know how everything works out.

Answer 7

i will just say, smoking maybe bad for him, he would beaware of that, but possible he has some self-esteem issues and by you getting angry at you he thrives on that...probably makes him self feel good about him self...its almost like a form of bullying! But would you rather him smoke infromt of you so adleast you could monitor what he is acctually smoking or would you rather him smoke where you couldnt see him and not no what other ppl are putting in the ciggerates because it is quiet possible!

i would count my blessing if i was you.... my mother had a handful when i was 14 my dad had just died, i started sleeping with guys run away from home, started smoking pot and ciggs and breaking in to her house when she wasn't home to steal food from her cupboards...which she could barely afford for herself! i understand that what i did was really quiet selfish and stupid now but back then i thought it was quiet funny i thrived on seeing her angry and screaming at me, until she finally gave up and walked away, they only thing that opened my eyes was seeing her being wheeled out of her house on a stretcher because she has over dosed, because she couldnt handle the tuants anymore! BUT PLEASE DONT GO OVER DOSE!

So over all i think if he is just smoking ciggerates, just be calm even if you want to rip his head of, just firmly tell him that you dont want him smoking ciggerates, or take him to the cancer ward at your local hospital!...im not sure where abouts you are but in Australia we now have pictures on our cig packers of rotten lungs and gangreen feet to show ppl the cause's of smoking!

Answer 8

Show him respect . . if you disapprove of something, tell him why, discuss it with him . . try and treat him as you would have liked to have been treated at his age . . it's tough to be 17 . . don't enter into power plays, show him that you are allies, on the same side and that you are proud of who he is . . not easy . . good luck . . .