Hey everybody. I need jokes. You need 10 points. It's a win win sitution!?

Question

Thanks everyone! Really good one's too. One's i probably never heard b4!

Answer 1

The Parrot Boy

An old man is sitting on a bench in central park when a teenager with a rainbow hair-dyed mohawk spiked up like a punk rocker and a nose ring sits down next to him.

The man begins to stare at him for a long time in shock.

Then the teenager says, "What you looking at old man?"

The man replys, "Nothing, nothing."

Again the man begins to stare at him for a long time and the teen says, "What's your problem, old man, you never did anything crazy when you were a kid?"

The old man replies, "Yeah, the thing is when I was a teen I got real, real drunk and f_u_c_k_e_d a parrot, and I was thinking that you might be my son."

Answer 2

A small zoo in Alabama had a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem: the gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised Southern Baptist." Once again, the Keeper agreed.

4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me a couple of weeks to come up with the $500.00."

:)

Answer 3

A man is walking a tightrope across Niagra Falls, the largest waterfall in the world. Oddly, on the EXACT opposite side of the world, a man is getting blown by a 90 year old woman. The weird part is that both men had the exact same thought at the exact same time, which was don't look down.

Answer 4

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Answer 5

here's two jokes that yo probably never heard of before.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"**** me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

Answer 6

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says: "I make a good living

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours.

Answer 7

A man walks into a bar.
He orders the special.
the lady next to him asks him what it was.
He said that it makes him feel so good that he can fly!

She looks at him sceptically.
He laughs and downs the drink.

Then, he walks to the window, jumps out, flies around the building and lands back at the bar.
He, then sits down and orders another.

She is amazed and orders one for herself.
She downs it, walks to the window and jumps.
She falls 30 floors to her death.

The bartender looks at the man and says, " Jeez, Superman, you sure are nasty when you're drunk."

Answer 8

A mother calls her three children down for breakfast.

She asks her first child "what would you like for breakfast?" and her first child says "I'd like some ******* french toast."

Appalled, the mother smacks her child and sends him upstairs with no breakfast.

She then turns to her second child and asks "what would you like for breakfast?"

The second child answers "I would like some ******* french toast."

Again the mother smacks her child and sends him upstairs with no breakfast.

She then turns to her third child and asks "what would you like for breakfast?" There the child responds "I don't care, just as long as it's not the ******* french toast."

Answer 9

a blond was walking by a large field and as she walked by she noticed another blonde in the middle of the field, sitting in a row boat....rowing away and obviously not getting anywhere.

So the blond who was walking begins to yell.. "hey you!! you IDIOT, its blondes like you that are giving all blondes a bad name..... Ill tell you what....if I knew how to swim I would come out there and kick your a**"

Answer 10

dorothy got a job a a deli/bakery. she liked the name of the place
"somewhere over the rainbow".
what was her first duty at somewhere over the rainbow?
weigh a pie!