I am 23 but people think I look 17 or 18, I get dirty looks?

Question

when they find out I am married or that I plan to get pregnant next year. I just say, "No, I am a grown adult, thanks."

How do I respond?

They assume I am a teen and pass judgements on me.

I am a grown woman with a house, career and a college education! I am MARRIED and planning a baby at 24 and people look at me like I am a child.

Does anyone get this attitude? When you became pregnant or got married did you get judged?

Answer 1

Is it their problem, or is it your problem?

Answer 2

I was 26 and married when I was pregnant. I was a tiny little thing with this HUGE belly. And I looked 16/17 if that at the time.

I was in the movie theater. It was packed so we had to sit in front of people, which I hate to do. I turned around and graciously said "Don't worry, I'm not tall...just wide!"

I got the dirtiest look ever from this woman and she said "You are WAY too young to be having a baby". I told her I was 26 and married. Then she said "Well, that's okay".

I wasn't strong enough as a person to tell her that it really wasn't any of her business. But I know the looks I got from older people when I would take my child (and then children) around. They assumed I was a teen with 3 kids.

I'm 35 now and still look 20-25. It makes me feel bad. But it made me more aware of the problems and obstacles that teen moms face. Rather than an understanding or sympathetic look, I got horrific looks.

I wanted to get a shirt made that said "I'm 26, married and have excellent health insurance", but then that would just fuel the fire AGAINST those who dont have those things.

Answer 3

I get dirty looks all the time because I'm young, I look young and I have 2 children. I'm 20 with a 1 year old and a 2 year old and when I go to the store I have to take both of them. I don't like being a burden by asking my mother in law to keep them and their dad works 3rd shift so I don't want to leave them with him when he should be sleeping. People judge everyone. Yea I was young when I got pregnant both times, but I wasn't single, had both kids with the same man, and I have never been on welfare. I don't have a house or a college degree yet, but my fiance and I are in the process of getting a house and I'm going back to school to be a registered nurse next year. A lot of people also act like I trapped my fiance, not our family members but a lot of his mothers "church" friends. I was on birth control when I get pregnant and honestly, is it really someone's fault that they have a high fertility rate? I was told it was high from my doctor. I think everyone needs to quit judging not just married moms, but teen moms too. Not all are losers.

Answer 4

I know how it feels. I'm a small 20 year old that is assumed 18 all the time. Just give it a while. The more people see you, particularly with a child, the less those comments will come up. Just smile and say "oh, I get that a lot". They say the age of your child adds to you. With a 3 year old behind you, you wont look 18.

Answer 5

I still get that attitude from people. I'm 37 and people tell me that I look like I'm in my 20s all of the time! They are always shocked to hear that my children are 13 and 8! Many have assumed that I had my children at an extremely young age.

When someone questions your age, just give them your biggest smile and tell them 'Thanks! Will you be my new best friend? Thank you for the compliment! I wish I were still that age!'

That usually takes away the judgemental attitude and gets them laughing. Sometimes people open their mouths before they think.

Answer 6

My aunt is married and having her 5th child and is going to have 2 more after that one but anyways people do her the same way too they stare at her and want to date her and dont believe that she done had that many kids and that she cant be married and they tell her she looks about 18 and 19 and she is 27 i think or 28 im really not sure we dont talk much so, I wouldnt listen to their crap.

Answer 7

I'm 21 married with 2 kids and I look like I'm 12. Imagine the looks I get. I once overheard an old woman tell her husband "oh that poor girl. pregnant and already has a child." Screw you lady this aint the 50's.

Answer 8

when i got pregnant at 20, i got all sorts of dirty looks and ppl saying i was too young because i looked too young, i passed for a 15-16 yr old, most ppl thought i was still in school or something, i just ignored them if they wanted to judge someone by looks, than they were the ones with the problem, i know my age and i don't need anyones acceptance to have a baby or to do anything, that's the way you need to think of it

Answer 9

I get the same thing. I'm 31 and look like I'm 20. People get surprised when they see my wedding ring or my son with me.

When I have gotten dirty looks in the past, I would get defensive but nothing good ever came of this . . . I just wound up upset. Best thing to do is to just expect strange comments or looks and roll with it. People have their opinions and they are entitled to them.

Especially for a woman, looking younger than your age is something that people around you will be envious of for years to come, so look forward to that.

Answer 10

I'm going trought the exact thing right now except i look like im 15!
(it runs in the family, my mother is 52 and still looks 28 and has men asking her out that are young enough to be her sons)
i'm married and i have a house and im 36 weeks pregnant, i get dirty looks and scowls all the time! People are just retarded! they all assume that you're this teenager who got herself pregnant and has "ruined her life" as one little old lady told me in a supermarket...
Just hold your head up high and tell them that you probably more happier with your life than they will ever be in their life time..(thats if they are rude to you...lol)...thats what i say
good luck!

Answer 11

Yup. And I was 19, married a year, and preggy with my second child. Sorry, but its normal. At least its a way to find out the people you want around you. Those that honestly like you won't act like that. I still get blinks when people realize my age and the age of my eldest. All I gotta say is, at least they are all my husband's and he's my only sexual partner ever.