2006-07-12 06:30:11 · 12 answers · asked by emeraldisle2222 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
......NEWS REPORT.....A LIGHT AIRCRAFT HAS CRASHED ON A CEMETERY IN IRELAND.......IRISH SEARCH AND RESCUE SAY THAT SO-FAR THEY HAVE RECOVERED 360 BODIES......
2006-07-12 11:41:09 · answer #1 · answered by THINKER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An Englishman working in Dublin rents a house. Within a week a shelf falls down and he has to repair it. So he goes into town and looks for a DIY shop to buy the stuff he needs. After several hours searching he stops a local and asks if there is a B&Q in Dublin. Paddy scratches his head and thinks for a moment. Then 'Don't know about a B or Q in Dublin' he says, 'But there's 2 LLs in Killarney'
2006-07-12 13:55:21 · answer #2 · answered by Only Asking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK this an ildie but a goodie
Man walks into a bar and sees a large bucket of money
what's that for he asks
Bartendere says if you can go out back and make that horse laugh it's yours.
Man goes out back and the bar hears the horse just lose it laughing
He comes back in takes the bucket and leaves
6 monthes later man comes back and sees another bucket full of money
What's that for he askes
Bartender says that's if you can make the horse cry
Man walks outback and a few seconds later the horse is sobbing
He comes back in and takes the money and trys to walk out the door
Bartender say's hey you can't leave till you tell me what you did to make thehorse laugh and cry
Man say's all I did was tell him first that I was "bigger" than him and then i showed him.
2006-07-12 13:39:54 · answer #3 · answered by dogsrwork 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my favourites is about 3 priests having a get together and they all had a problem with bats in the belfry.
The first one said he tried to kill them with a shotgun but missed and ended up with a big repair bill.
The second priest looked a bit shocked and said his solution was more humane as he trapped them in a net, drove 25 miles into the country and released them. Unfortunately they arrived back at the church before him.
The last priest looked very smug and said he had trapped his bats in a net too, but then he baptised and christened each one and he hadn't seen them since.
2006-07-12 13:51:07 · answer #4 · answered by felineroche 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do Mexican firemen call their hoses?
Jose and Hose B
Hear about the Irishman who thought Sugar Diabetes was a Welsh boxer?
2006-07-12 16:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by David R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up
2006-07-12 14:38:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.
"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.
"magic apples", the old man replied.
"Prove it", said the young man.
"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.
"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.
The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.
The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.
The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.
The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.
"I like to eat *****." he snapped.
The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.
He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like ****".
The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."
2006-07-12 13:51:03 · answer #7 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the irish man do everything twice?
To be sure, to be sure!
Hardy har har!
2006-07-12 17:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by Delgado 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HERE'S ONE THAT WILL GO DOWN WELL AT THE MOMENT...
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAD DOG ON THE ROAD AND A DEAD ENGLISH SOCCER FAN ON THE ROAD ?
THERE'S SKID MARKS IN FRONT OF THE DOG !
2006-07-14 06:51:42 · answer #9 · answered by DUSTY FOR KING 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policeman's truncheon??
One's for cunning stunts.............
2006-07-12 13:34:16 · answer #10 · answered by karlos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I live in Tallaght.
To chat up the ladies just say
'you have approximately 267 bones in your body, want to make that 268?'
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
2006-07-12 14:38:54 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋