whats the funniest joke you know?

Answer 1

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 2

Ok. Well I actually have a couple.
Read all of them!
I luv blonde jokes so here are a couple!
1:A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

2:Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.
i knew a blone who was soo dumb she.....

put m & ms in alphabetical order

starved in a grocery store

called me to get my phone number

was looking in the phone book for the number of 1-800-flowers

tried to drown a goldfish

when she heard that 90% of robberies occur around the home she moved

on her way to the airport she say a sign that said airport left so she turned around

she spent 20 min staring at a ketchup bottle becaues it said concentrate

she put lipstick on her forhead because she wanted to make up her mind

she sentme a fax with a stamp on it

she thought a quarter back was a refund

she tripped over a cordless phone

took a ruler 2 bed 2 see how long she slept

asked 4 a price check @ the dollar store

studied 4 a blood test

thought meow mix was a cd 4 cats

when she missed the 44 bus she took the 22 bus twice!
3:There are three women in front of a mirror. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. A man walks up to them and says that if they lie in front of the mirror, they will disappear(get zapped?). The brunette goes up to the mirror and says "I am a virgin." She disappears. The redhaed goes up to the mirror and says "I am a college graduate." She disapears. The blonde goes up to the mirror and says "I think.." She disapears.

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
4:Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up ... you're next!"

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground.
Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A blonde gets on a elevator and a man is standing there and she turned and smiled at him and said; "Hi.....T.G.I.F." " S.H.I.T. " replied the man "Excuse me...how rude T.G.I.F." responded the blonde "S.H.I.T." replied that man "Maybe you don't know what I am saying, T.G.I.F means Thank Goodness It's Friday!" " You didn't understand me, S.H.I.T ....."Sorry honey, it's Thursday

5: There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head on an island 30 miles away from shore. The red-head swam out 15 miles before she got tired and drowned. The brunette swam out 20 miles before she got tired and drowned. The blonde swam out 29 miles and then said"I'm tired." So she swam all the way back.

6:A blonde went into a store and asked the manager"How much is that television" the manager said "you can't have it" and the blonde said "why" the manager replied "because your a blonde" So she went and died her hair brown. The next day she went back and asked"How much is that television" the manager said "you can't have it" and the blonde(well now brunnette) said "why" the manager replied "because your a blonde" So she went and died her hair red. The next day she went back and asked "How much is that television" the manager said "you can't have it" and the blonde said "why" the manager replied "because your a blonde" So then she said to the manager"how do you know I'm blonde" And he replied "because that's not a television. It's a toaster oven"

Hope that will do it!

Answer 3

A tramp goes into a bar..
He asks the barman for a toothpick..
"What do you want a toothpick for" asks the barman
"I havent got time to eplain, just give me a toothpick" the tramp replies.
So the barman gives the tramp a toothpick and the tramp runs out..

2 seconds later another tramp enters the bar..
He asks the barman for a toothpick..
"What do you want a toothpick for" asks the barman
"I havent got time to eplain, just give me a toothpick" the tramp replies.
So the barman gives the tramp a toothpick and the tramp runs out..

2 seconds later a 3rd tramp enters
He asks the barman for a straw..

The Barman says "Wait a minute, two of your mates have just come in asking for toothpicks. What do you want a straw for?"
The tramp replies "someones been sick outside and all the big bits are gone".

Answer 4

I am an immigrant, and I like this joke about an immigrant who needed a help to fill out a form. The helper asked him questions:
Name? answer: Mile
Sirname? answer: Pachenko
Sex? answer: Two times a week
I mean, male or female? answer: Doesn't matter.

Answer 5

a child of about 4 walks into a store on the indepence day. he asked for a national flag getting into the mood for independence. when the shopkeeper gave him the american national flag, he glanced at it, took it in his hand and then childishly asked the shopkeeper," don't u have any other colour flag. orange would look good with these stars."

Answer 6

Hello

Answer 7

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?





Fadrizzle.

Answer 8

Yo momma is so poor she got married for the rice

Answer 9

um..ok my favorite joke is......


one day a lbonde was driving and she was swearving left to right then a cop plus her over and says mam why are you swearving she says I keep seeing tree's in my way the cop replies mam thats your air freshener

Answer 10

Yo momma so stupid she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone

Yo momma so stupid she tried to drown a fish