Would you put your mom or dad in a nursing home. What other options have you thought about?

Question

I work in a hospital and I am always amazed at what kids will do to keep their parents out of a nursing home. Do most people realize you don't live in the hospital? We don't keep people their because they are elderly, we treat acute illness and then send mom and dad or grandpa on to live with the kids or to a nursing home or some other pre arranged home. I think some kids will go to any extent to keep the money their parents saved. Kids want it for themselves. They see it as their inhearitance and will go to any extreme to keep them out of anything that cost money they saved for their old age. What is your plan for your parents?

Sometimes on my off days I fill in at a nursing home part time. Its a wonderful place. I think people do not realize how difficult it is to take care of an elderly person. They have trouble with their bodily functions. They sometimes cannot walk to the bathroom. They often are not able to eat and have to be fed. Sometimes they opt not to eat at all and families have to decide whether to let them go naturally or feed them thru a peg tube which will lead to my next questions.

Most people also are not willing to spend or dont have the large amount of money for home care. When a family finds out how much it cost, they flip out. Agencies cost more than $40 bucks and hour, and private home care is about $15 per hr. You figure in 24 or even 10 hours a day and no one wants to spend it or has it in the bank.

Answer 1

It is very difficult to place a parent in a nursing home.It was necessary to place my dad in a home and it was very difficult.He had many complicated health issues that required in a nursing home.If you could name a complication from diabetes he had it.( loss of vision, neuropathy in hands and feet, amputation , etc.)It was very hard for him to lose his independence but he tried to stay positive.My mother went to live with my sister. My parents died within 10 days of each other., my dad from diabetes problems (almost expected,but not easier)and my mother was a total shock.It was hell. It is easier now (almost 3 years) but I still miss them.

Answer 2

I just had to face this very thing myself this last March. The decision was not that hard to make at all. I gave up my good pay job of 5 years, my house and all my friends and came home to my parents to take care of them. I will not put them in no nursing home period!! I am not doing it for the money either!! I am doing it cause they raised me their selves for 18+ years and they didn't put me in no home for someone else to take care of me, they did it their self. Now it is my turn to take care of them. They both have had strokes and dad is going down slowly with each and every passing day. I would feel very guilty if I turned my parents over for someone else to do MY JOB!! I want to enjoy my parents while they live their last years of life. They both went down fast after the lose of my brother. He passed away unexpectedly Jan.2,2005. Mom had 2 strokes the day of his funeral and was in the hospital for over a month and then upon her coming home dad had one. They both have had more since I have been here caring for them.

Answer 3

I would if they needed the help and I was unable to care for them.I worked in a nursing home as a CNA and they are treated very well thier and have group play time and social interaction something they probably would not get if they were left at home alone.

Answer 4

My mother was put into a nursing home. My mother had MS for almost 20 years. Her doctor explained that she could no longer swallow on her own and needed assistance to eat. She was bedridden and could no longer control her own bodily functions. So she had to be put into a nursing home b/c no one in the family could stay home and give her the adequate care she needed. I hated to decision! Even to this day I regret that she had to be in there. But since her mother made herself the executor she was in charge of her well being. I on many occasions asked why she was in there since her mother no longer worked and owned a house. She could easily have hired a nurse and assistant to help care for her. But my grandmother wanted her life. Since I had just had a baby myself it was already hard since my hubby and I had to room for her. It broke my heart to see her in there and I hated the place. Yes it was nice but I dont trust anyone especially nursing homes. Needless to say my mother was in there for 4-5 years. She passed away last year and I still wish that she could have passed away with her family in her mother's home, not in a hospital. But she is no longer in pain and that was my best wish for her. My opinion if you have the space and money to take care of a person don't put them in a home.

Answer 5

I would do anything I possibly could to keep my parents out of a nursing home. Money has no bearing on that decision. I worked in two nursing homes over the course of about 4yrs. Too much crap goes on in a nursing home. I know of one nurses aid that I worked with that drug a woman to the bathroom in a head lock and said "were ever her head goes her *** follows". He was not reprimanded at all for his actions. The incident left a bruise across the woman's upper chest and was only noted as an "improper transfer". The man still works in the medical field. At the other nursing home there was a young aid that took food from one of our residents , ate it in front of her, poured her water pitcher over her head and said "now you have your shower you stinking bi*tch!". I almost knocked the crap out of the girl. They spoke to her and told her it was inappropriate and nothing further was done. These are only a couple incidents that I witnessed. Outside of the obvious neglect I saw from the shifts before me. Depends and beds soaked with urine or feces. Impressions on people who had not been turned all day in their beds. One guy used mouthwash to do peri care (genital cleaning) on a woman because he said she stunk and he thought it would work better than soap. There was one man who I admit was a pain to deal with and very demanding. I caught the shift before me intentionally putting his call button out of reach so they would not be bothered with him. What if he had a serious medical issue. He could not have called for help. The list goes on and on and on. Oh and don't be fooled by the fact that state inspections matter. You should see the chaos to get things cleaned up for inspections. They are usually announced. I am sure some are not if it is for reports or complaints on a particular facility. However, we always knew when state was coming and people would work their butts off. I am not saying all homes are bad but I don't want to take that chance. Especially if my parents are unable to communicate with me. I will go through hell and high water to not put them in a home. I would rather have them here with me and I will care for them myself. If for any reason I can not (such as medical treatments I can not administer) and they must be put in a home I will be as involved as I possibly can be in their care.

ADVICE FOR ANYONE THAT HAS TO PUT THEIR PARENTS IN A HOME: VISIT OFTEN AND UNANNOUNCED. LOOK FOR SIGNS OF ABUSE OR NEGLECT NOT ONLY WITH YOUR LOVED ONE BUT THE OTHERS AROUND YOU. LISTEN IF YOUR PARENT MAKES COMPLAINTS AND TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. BE AS INVOLVED AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE IN THEIR CARE.

Answer 6

Get home care for them. Thats what my mom did for her parents.... she and her brothers and sisters promised not to put either of them in a nursing home, so they got home care for them. It was kind of a pain in the butt because one of my aunts or uncles or mother always had to stay with them at night because we have to let those nurses go home SOME time.

I plan to do the same thing with my parents. I think it shows more love than putting them in a nursing home (unless they specifically ask to go to a nursin home). It shows them that you love them and you would take care of them the same way they took care of you.

And trust me... it gets a little bit expenisve to do home care

Answer 7

I'm a nurse, if my parents ever need care, i'll quit my job and look after them personally. No nursing home is getting its hands on their money, that's my inheritance.

Answer 8

I AM NOT SURE IF THEIR PURPOSE IS ABOUT "MONEY" ..SOME PEOPLE MIGHT BE AFTER MONEY.

SOME PEOPLE DO IT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE THERE WITH THEIR PARENTS

IT IS A CHOICE SO LET THEM DECIDE.

IF THEY WANT TO BE SELFISH THEN THE PARENTS CAN CHANGE THEIR WILL!!! IT IS UP TO THEIR PARENTS WHILE THEY HAVE SOUND MIND TO DECIDE... SOME PARENTS MIGHT WANT TO BE WITH THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY ARE DYING . YOU DON"T KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES UNTIL YOU WALK ON THEIR SHOES.

THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF PROTECTION NOW WITH OLDER PEOPLE AND THEIR KIDS WANTING MONEY .....THAT IS WHY YOU MAKE A WILL!!

I MIGHT HAVE TO PUT MY MOTHER IN A NURSING HOME BECAUSE SHE MIGHT NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME ..AND I WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY!!! MY MOM WILL DECIDE FOR HERSELF WHAT SHE WANTS..

Answer 9

well I'm not a money hungry person if my parents need any special treatment they will get it I'm sure my sisters think differently

Answer 10

I have no plan. Hopefully they'll be like all of my grandparents have been and be fine even in old age.