Mother In Law?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 10 years since high school. We each had a few relationships before, but nothing serious. I have always had the impression that my mother-in-law didnt like me. She makes back-handed compliments and I just pretend to not get what she is saying. I am just polite and nice.

A few weeks ago, we were all over there for a BBQ and in front of everyone my MIL told my husband that she found a box of something that he may want. He asked what it was and she told him it was a box of old letter. He said " Oh from (my name)?" She said "No they are from girls you dated before. I think the ones from (my name) were thrown out a while ago."

My husband and his sister went into the room and started reading them. A while later, my mother in law went in there, and brought out pix of my husband and his ex's. I gave my husband the "I'm ready to leave look" and he told me we should leave.

He told me I could throw out the letters and pix if I wanted to. I told him that they didnt belong to me, so I wasnt touching them.

Im not jealous. Im married, 2 kids, why would I be jealous of a date he had over 10 years ago? It just annoys me because I felt dumb.

My mom took prom pix of me and others guys down once I was married. I just dont feel this was right.

I guess it wouldnt have been so bad if letters from me were in there, but if she took it upon herself to toss ones from me- His Wife- why keep ones from people we dont talk to?

Answer 1

well if you love your husband and he loves you it does not matter what his mother do. Just ignore her. Also you can talk to your husband about that, by saying that: your mother can destroy our relationship and you should talk to her, because it is you not her living with him and having sex.
If she does not like you she should to learn how to respect you and her son marriage.
All mother are the same and specially if it is theirs son we are talking about. They kind of jealous and think about theirs son like they best in the world and they have to have perfect woman. But it is not. They blind with mothers love.
Just except her, some day you are going to be in her position.

Answer 2

Your MIL is just not nice or she is really really clueless. You can "take it from where it comes" and know she is mean spirited and let it go or you can say something and she will prob ignore your feelings anyhow. It really sucks when families don't get along. I dislike a few of my husbands relatives and yes his mom. She is also clueless...and I am thankful she lives far away.

About the letters etc...let him make the decision if he wants to keep or kill them. My husband has a box of old photos and letters etc from many exes... You are a secure person...see what he wants to do. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Wow. She sounds over bearing. And the fact the your hubby played into this is nothing less than disrespectful to you. Your MIL needs to accept that YOU are the woman in your husband's life and you hubby needs to set that straight with her. By playing into her hands and going into the room and reading them, I would be furious. Not because of the past relationships, but simply the lack of respect.

Answer 4

You've touched on a problem that is actually quite common. The perspective I have is that some old photos and letters mark a part of life that should not be erased. Case in point, I would not want to erase fond memories of my high school prom just because my date was not the woman I eventually married. It was still MY prom, and the picture is a momento of that occassion.

The trick here is to not have double standards. My wife did marry her high school sweetheart before divorcing and marrying me, and because of the ill feelings, discarded photos and such. She was looking for me to follow her lead, but I explained to her I did not have this bad falling out and my prom memories are still fond ones. Did that mean I desire to rekindle that old romance and throw our marriage away? Of course not. And had she decided to keep her prom photos, I would have not objected because that would be hypocritical of myself.

Incidentally, my wife and I both have children from a previous marriage. My wife ran into old wedding photos of myself with my previous wife and when she questioned the sanity of this, I explained that while I no longer look to those days with any degree of fondness, it is still a photo of my son's parents on their wedding day and may be a momento he would like to have. I can and have changed who I choose to be married to but the fact that my ex and I parented a child together cannot be changed.

Your particular case is a bit different because of a lack of acceptance by your MIL. If she refuses to accept you, look at this as HER problem, not yours, and ultimately you have been able to find acceptance from your husband despite his mother. Find some sort of satisfaction that you were able to overcome her influence, which speaks volumes to how he must feel about you!

Finally, tell HIM he needs to step in and talk to his mom about her attitude towards you. You shouldn't have to step in. It is his mother and he should want to step in out of respect for you and tell her that her attitude is unacceptable.

My 1.5 cents (accounting for inflation)!

Answer 5

Unfortunately you're probably gonna have to have it out with her. I had a few arguments with my mother in law before we were able to get along. She had no right to bring out pics and letters at a BBQ. Your husband should have handed them back to her and told her to throw them away.

He also needs to tell her to give it a rest because you are the one he married. That's not going to change after 10 years just because she wants it to.

Answer 6

Your mother in law in my opinion was WAY out of line by doing what she did. I think you answered you own question about her liking you. That was horrible. My mother in law would never do what she did. That is the past and it should be left there. I hope that your husband has a talk with his mom and lets her know that she is being childish and that it's hurting you in the process.

Answer 7

I don't know that I'd say she doesn't like you, but she has no respect for you. Neither does your husband if he took the time to go in there, go through them and read them. He should have said he just wasn't interested. There are those that will say there's no harm done, he's just reminiscing on the past, but that bull crap. The past is the past and needs to stay in the past. I would suggest you talk with your husband and explain to him how you feel.

Answer 8

Well i have a bbbbbbbbb for a mother in law and yes they do stupit stuff just to make you make. They try to make it out so they dont look bad. Sorry to hear that you are haveing problems with her

Answer 9

Kudos to your husband! He did exactly what a normal, loving husband would do.
As for M-I-L, you know she has a nasty attitude and it sounds like your husband knows it as well. Just keep killing her with kindness...it's the higher road and I suspect your husband appreciates it;)

Answer 10

What a B**ch!! Obviously, your husband was uncomfortable with the situation. She is his mother and it is up to him to tell his mom to back off. If she refuses to accept you, it is her loss.