I'm just kidding.... Can you guys tell me some jokes? I'm really bored right now.
2006-07-12 05:46:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
On a flight to Singapore, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
The flight attendant noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.
"The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your balls are in the bucket under the bed "
2006-07-23 18:43:20 · answer #1 · answered by giko 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well; they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
2006-07-23 18:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by # one 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Florida couple, both in their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks,"What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good-bye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after seven or eight weeks of this, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare!"
2006-07-23 07:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by Angela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Making Love to a Woman
MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.
HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.
PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.
WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.
BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.
BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.
GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
2006-07-23 00:40:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man goes to a lawyer and asks how much does he charge... the lawyer says "2000 dollars for 3 questions"... the man asks... "dont you think its too expensive?", the lawyer says "no... and whats your third question?"
2006-07-12 05:53:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahaha thats actually a disputable point. um okay, what do you get when u cross a vietnameese person and a black person?
vinegar....got that off a friend jus so you know. i thought it was hilarious!
2006-07-12 05:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by supergenius 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL!!! You scared the jeepers outta me!! I was really freaked out. OMG, that was a good one. You certainly broke my boredom!!!!!
2006-07-24 03:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by Lois 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WILL YOU GIVE ME 100 PTS
ANWSER ME BACK
A MAN ESCAPED FROM JAIL BY DIGGING HOLES
HE WENT TO A PRESCHOOL AND SAID'I'M FREE I'M FREE
A LITTLE GIRL WALKED BY AND SAID
SO WHAT,I AM FOUR
GET IT?
2006-07-12 06:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥princess♥♥ 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
CONFUCIAS ONCE SAY MAN WHO STICK PEN!S IN PEANUT JAR IS FUCCEN NUTS
2006-07-12 06:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only if you father is actually your bother.
2006-07-12 06:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋