Does anybody have some good clean jokes?

Question

i need some for my web site.
its c-bin.blogspot.com
most funny clean jokes gets 10 points!

Answer 1

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."
The first deacon countered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."


What do you call a 350 pound stripper?
Broke.


Little Johnny is in school one day and the teacher ased him to use the words "bitter end" in a sentence. Little Johnny thought for a moment and said "The dog chased the cat through the house and it bitter end."

Answer 2

Yeah, what goes up and never comes down? Your Age!

What do you get when you mix a group of winebibbers with hogs? Swines!

A banana played a mean joke on an orange: The banana asked the orange for some of his juice. The orange said, "Squeeze me just a little bit." The banana squeezed the orange and got some juice. The orange asked, "Now, what will you give me?" The banana replied, "Nothing." The orange chased the banana until the banana ran out of his skin. The orange picked up the banana's peel and said, "He was certainly SLICK."

Answer 3

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 4

An Irish man goes into a bar, at the same time everyday. He orders two shots, downs them and leaves.
After several weeks, the bartender asks, "I'm curious, why do you come in here, order two shots, and then leave?". The man says, "well, you see, I have a brother in Ireland. We each do 2 for good luck...1 for each of us. Since we cannot have a drink together, It is our way of having a toast together."
A few more weeks past, with the same ritual. However, one day, the man comes in and orders just 1 shot. The bartender, confused by the change, asks, "Excuse me sir, did something happen to your brother? Why only one shot today?"
The man replies, "No my brother is fine. I just gave up drinking for lent."

Answer 5

This blond walkes into a docter's office complaining that she is hurting all over. "Ouch," she says touching her forehead. "Ouch" touching her shoulder and "Auuwwie" touching her mid section.
Docter says "Let me examine you." After a thourough examination he says" You got a broken finger."

Answer 6

A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender" here?

;)

Answer 7

not me sorry.