i'm 18 and have a 2 month old i was 17 when i got pregnant.. i am finishing high school in aug.. does this make me someone bad? i love my baby boy to death and wouldn't change him for the world but my friends all have suddenly disapered when i needed them the most.. i guess you know who your friends are when you get in a place where you need help and there not ther for you..
2006-07-12 04:52:13 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No it does not make you bad. You kept the baby and are finishing high school so good for you.
It's not surprising about your friends though. Most 18 year olds want to party and date and have fun, and having a baby changes that. At least it should if you're a good mother. Just keep on with school so you can get a good job to support your baby.
2006-07-12 04:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kudos to you for taking an adult decision on this - says a lot about you. I had a 15 year old foster child who came to us with a 2 month old baby. While they were with us things were so-so as she had us to babysit. They stayed with us until she was 18 and aged out of the system. Then things changed. Her friends were still her friends but they couldn't possibly understand her needs and her need for help because they haven't raised a child. They were still in high school mode - not parent mode. She too struggled with feeling like she'd lost all her friends. Unfortunately, she made the decision to join her friends doing what normal 18 year olds do and has now lost her son. So, again, I applaud you that it appears you are determined to do what's best for your child - putting your wants aside and putting his needs first. Have you tried inviting a friend over for an overnight so they can see what it is to raise a child 24/7? We had our foster child do that and one of her friends and that friends mom became very useful resources after the daughter saw the committment it takes and often would plan outings for all of them or the other mom volunteered to babysit sometimes. Try to stay involved in what high school activities you can but within reason. We made an agreement with our foster child that she had every other weekend that we'd babysit and she was free to go and the weekend she had him she could go places but it had to be with him and home at his bedtime. That worked well during school. You're friends will come around - especially when your baby gets older and is walking etc. Just keep up the good work and always remember your babies needs come before your wants. I think you're going to do just fine. Oh, one more thing! :) Graduating in August will have a natural effect on relationships too - and I'm sure you will meet other young moms at day care, play groups, library fun days, etc. that you will become involved with and they'll be most helpful too. Seek those kind of activities out in your community for support. Best of luck to you.
2006-07-12 12:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by lucee03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not bad at all! But you have to realize that you have suddenly moved to a different place in life through having your son, and have experiences that your friends can't relate to at all yet. They might even be scared to hang around with you because you need to be responsible in ways they don't want to be at this time. I hope you can get involved with groups of other teen or young moms or find resources that will bring you into contact with others who share some of your experiences. These are people who you can build real friendships with.
2006-07-12 11:59:13 · answer #3 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing a great job. Your friends are probably moving into different areas of their lives. You guys are on two different roads now. They probably don't do it intentionally. It must be hard for you. I encourage you to meet other moms with little ones. Maybe there are mom and baby groups in your area. Keep up the good work though with your school. My sister also had a baby at seventeen. She dropped out of school for a year and had some rough times. My niece is now 13 and my sister has a Degree in Science and nursing and is going back for her masters. You can do anything, and you can provide a good life for your little one. God Bless
2006-07-12 11:59:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great that you are finishing high school while raising your son. That is no easy task!
When people don't know how to approach what they perceive as a sticky situation, they may find it easier to avoid that situation. I think they just don't realize that avoiding you is hurting you. I've been through a similar situation twice: When my son was began showing symptoms of autism and was finally diagnosed with this disorder, every friend disappeared. This was because either they didn't know what to say (although I didn't think they had to say anything!) or because they couldn't understand why I was no longer attending social gatherings (kids with autism demand a lot of time and attention) and took it as me snubbing them. The second time was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Again, people were afraid of saying the "wrong thing", so they stayed away. Those were really tough times for me and I could have really used a friend while trying to find help for my son and while undergoing cancer treatment.
I have to say that I do regret not just confronting a couple of friends whom I knew were good people, but just unsure of what they should and should not do or say. I wish I had told them that I miss them and that they shouldn't worry about what they say or do because nothing they could possibly say or do would hurt me as much as just being dumped by them during such difficult times.
Your friends may think you are too busy with your baby to have time for them. Tell them that you know they may be thinking that and you just want to let them know that you aren't too busy for them and that you'd like to maintain your friendships.
Your friends may also think that, now that you are a mom, you no longer have much in common. Yes, you have a baby and a lot of responsibility that your friends may not relate to, but I'm sure you still like doing many of the same things you used to do and that you still do have lots in common. Remind them of that.
And remember, one good, close, trustworthy friend is better than dozens of so-called friends that you can't trust or depend upon.
Best wishes to you and your son!
PS: Have you consider joining some sort of group of young moms? Maybe something that includes activities the moms do together with their babies? That might be something to look into to find other young moms who are experiencing the same thing you are, plus you'll be creating a social circle of playmates for your son.
2006-07-12 12:09:30 · answer #5 · answered by Miss_M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are not a bad person because you had a child when you are still a teenager. However, you are now at a different place in your life. You have a child who is your first priority. Your life has a different focus (as it should). Your friends don't have the same priorities and focus in their lives because they aren't parents yet. I had my children well into my twenties but I also noticed a gap develop between me and my friends that don't have children. We simply don't have as much in common anymore. As my children have aged, I still notice the difference between me and my friends that don't have kids. They have a different perception and focus in their lives. They do things that don't involve children and are interested in things that I am unable to participate in because I have to care for my children. I would suggest you find some other friends who have children and can better relate to you and your life and who you'll have more in common. I don't think you should look to blame anyone here (you or your friends). You have all just moved forward in different directions.
2006-07-12 12:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, CONRGATULATIONS on being a responsible parent and taking care of your child and finishing school!! A lot of moms your age drop out and I think that they regret that later in life. You have taken on a huge responsibility with your son and the fact that you are standing up and taking it like an adult is fantastic. I am proud of you!
As for your friends, you now know who really were your friends. They are the ones that helped you through the hard times. Unfort. a lot of people your age are not ready for the responsibility you have taken on. Stand up and be proud of yourself! You are not at all a bad person. Things happen and the fact that you have taken the responsibilty for it makes you a better person then you were before!!
Congratulations!!!
2006-07-12 12:00:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, younger people don't know how to deal with such things. It's not that you're bad. You're doing everything possible to better yourself and stay on track. The problem is, your friends aren't sure how to connect with you anymore. After the "new" wears off of this situation, some of them will be back around, but some of them won't. This has forced you to grow up all of a sudden and it's hard to maintain relationships with people who are not on your level. Give it time and don't take it personally. Keep your goals in mind and be open should they show up. Good luck.
2006-07-12 11:59:52 · answer #8 · answered by dark_storm73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your whole world changes when you have a baby. Time with childless friends becomes less and less because they dont understand what we go thru on a daily basis as a parent. Try to find support groups in your area or join online single parent groups... and see if you can find ones with teenage parents.
Congratulations on finishing school... it shows your mature enough to put your baby before you to provide him or her a better future. Dont stress about your other friends ditching you. You can do much better. Just smile. You've got a beautiful baby!
2006-07-12 13:04:13 · answer #9 · answered by camoprincess32 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't a bad person. Your friends dumped you because people with babies aren't "fun" to be with. Your son is now the most important person in your life. You have had to grow up really fast, and your "friends" still get to be immature kids. It is great that you are doing the right thing and finishing school. You sound like you are a really good mom. Good luck.
2006-07-12 12:01:50 · answer #10 · answered by lj1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋