I had a baby 10 months ago and me and my boyfriend are fighting all the time HELP?

Question

WE have been togeather for 2 and a half years now we had a baby 10 months ago and just moved from Texas to Colorado 3 months ago and are relationship has taken a turn for the worse..We fight every other day and are not getting along at all. Is this something that a couple goes thru when u have the stress of a new baby and a new move or should I get out now??? I dont want to leave cuz we do have a family but I CANT handle any more fighting. I have wrote him e mails and wrote letters and had talks with him that we have to make a change and now but nothen seem to be working HELP

Answer 1

As you recognise already a new baby means lots of new responsibility for the parents. It's critical that you reset your priorities and realise that the baby comes first and you both come second; it's part of being parents. Rather than fight and argue you should both find common ground in that you're both being asked to do a lot more than before. It's focusing on this common ground that will give you a catalyst to reconnect.

Answer 2

It could be the stress of the baby, but we just had one 9 months ago, and I feel like things are much easier with our son now than they were 6 months ago, when things were still new and uncomfortable. The move could be responsible, moving that far could put a damper on any relationship. Was the move here a mutual decision or did you move here for him? One of the things that you need to think about, is maybe you are horboring bad feelings towards him because he dragged you and your baby out here. I'm not sure but it's just a suggestion, I have no idea about the background of your relationship. The one thing you need to remember is this: You have to do what's right for you AND your baby. If the relationship isn't working, even after trying to work things out and communicate you need to decide if you want your son raised in that environment. All the people that tell you to just stay together no matter what, have obviously never been in a bad relationship with kids, or grew up in one. I did both, and I actually left my husband for a while. Being away from me and our son, and seeing that I was strong enough to do it alone changed his mind about a lot of things, and me seeing how hard and lonely single mother hood is changed my mind about a lot of things, and now we are very happy. I hope this helps, I know there isn't really much that can be said when you feel so helpless. We live in Colorado too, so if you want to e-mail sometime because you just need someone to talk to, that would be great. Good luck to you and your man!

Answer 3

I am pretty sure the dime store psychiatry you get herein will not have all the answers you seek, but hopefully collectively 'we' can give you some insights.

The choice to have children will put a new set of strains on a relationship. The lack of sleep and the fact that it seems like you as the mom are always with the child will start to cause resentment towards the father.

The fact that you just moved does not help either.

Basically you have two choices: you can stay and try to work it out; or you can leave.

There are a battery of reasons on both sides and I will not go into them here. YOU have to decide what really is best for you and your 10 month old.

Your family is young enough that the child will not feel the emotional trauma of having dad leave when it is 12.

I am a firm believer in living right. Right means a lot of things, but mostly it means being happy. Are you happy?

TFTP

Answer 4

Ok ... so you moved and you have a new baby. Major changes in life. How was your relationship before the move? Was it rocky? If so then the move just added more stress.
The thing is that it is 50/50 when it comes to a relationship. So you can say oh its him or oh its me. Sit down at night and write a journal. Talk about all the things that happened in the day.. Look at it from your view and his view. Ask your self was there anything today that I could have done to change the out come of the bickering that went on today.. although you may feel he may of started it or provoked something could you have done something to prevent it. I know its a hard thing to swallow cause believe me I always want to be right and Its all your fault I do no wrong... blah blah blah... Ive been there. I had to swallow it... I had a relationship that failed cause there was no communication and I didnt take a step back and look at myself.
Like I was saying. Write everything down and dont let him know. Write your feelings... things you could have done things your felt he could have done even and in a few days or so always go back and re read. Then you will get a clear mind and understanding about things and it will make it easier to face the upcoming bickerments, pittly arguments and the all blown out of porportion fights. Is there alot of yelling going on... try to breathe ok I know that sound stupid but breathe... cause all you are doing when you yell is provoking your own anger to try to make you feel better and it never works.
Im not a genius but some of these methods I found on my own and so far they work for me. Every one is different but if you always look at the situation before it gets esculated then you will be fine. Keep faith in your relationship or it will quickly die.

Answer 5

Having a baby in addition to a move all at once can be overwhelming to say the least. You both have a lot of stress and responsibility..Do you love each other?

In any relationship there will be fights..it's normal, but not every other day. Are you having financial problems? You really need to sit down and talk things out..Get to the root of the trouble..e-mails and letters? Are you sure you live in the same home?

Answer 6

It could be the stress. Family will do that. But after 10 months things should start to get better. Maybe you guys cant get use to the changes you've had to make. It could be alot of things. What causes the fights? What are you fighting about? You are thinking right about getting out before it gets worse. Never stay in a relationship were you fight all the time. Its not good for you guys and its not good for the baby. Congrats on the baby. I really hope everything works out for you guys.

Answer 7

It could be the baby, the move, the stress. You need to try and sit down and work it out. Each of you make a list of issues, it is easier to have it in writing so you don't forget any while discussing it. Sit down take turns go over the list and see what can be done to change things. Try counseling. Do it for the baby, it is really hard on kids to have a weekend parent. They are def. worth it.


dp

Answer 8

Sometimes you go through stages like that. It is part of life and you just have to deal with it sometimes. You might want to try getting some family counseling. It really helps to have someone else there who can help you understand each other. If that's out of the question, I'd try doing something for him. A lot of times when people aren't getting along it's because one or both of them feels neglected. With the move and the new baby, he might feel like you're not there for him like you used to be. I'd trying showing him that you're still there for him and that you still care, and then, after he's feeling better about things, talk to him about what he can do to help you feel the same.

Answer 9

You both are under a lot of stress. Moving and having a new baby are almost as stressful as death or divorce, maybe more so. It's normal. What you didn't tell us was what you are fighting about. If the fighting is about normal stuff (home, baby, jobs, money) then you need to get help to keep your family together. If it is something like abuse, alcoholism or infidelity, then yes you need to get out. Good luck. Remember though, if he is a good father, that you will never have him completely out of your life. You will have to communicate (maybe even more) if you divorce with a young child.

Answer 10

Hey Gal,
Hate to say this, but, you had best get out before things get worse..
From what you are saying, sounds like there is another person involved..
Get out now.. Make sure that you have his SS # Date of Birth Etc and head for happier pastures.. If you stay, your child will suffer.
When you get where you are going, Go file for Child Support and Seperate maintenance. Also, Contact the Parents without Partners and they will help you to find a Good Atty.
Take Care ...
If you need a shoulder to cry on try me... [e-mail]
I'm an old 73 year old daddy.