I am 19 and I have A daughter and I need advice?

Question

I am 19 years old and I have a ten month old daughter named faith and she is so mean, she straches and bites and pulls my hair. But that I could be less worried about ya see I have 2 face piercing and I feel as if ppl look at me as if I am A bad mother to my daughter, But I do everything by the book with my Daughter. If you see me would you think I was A bad mother Just by 1st Glance?

Answer 1

Looks have nothing NOTHING to do with parenting skills. I'm a teacher, and some of the best parents have tattoos and green hair...If someone judges you by the way you look, it is because of their own prejudices, not because of you. With that said, you have to realize that your appearance is an expression of yourself, and it will create a hurdle that you will have to jump over. Having facial piercings is "different", and most people ARE going to have some prejudices about that. If the piercings are worth the trouble you are going through, then keep them. If not, then do yourself a favor and get rid of them. They don't make you who you are, and life is hard enough without bringing more stress upon yourself. As for your daughter, there is a phase that kids go through with that kind of behavior. every time she does something, calmly tell her 'no" and put her in time out. Tell her WHY she is going to time out, and how long she has to sit there. Time out is when you put a chair in a very boring place in the house and you make the child sit in it- one minute for every year of age, so your child would sit in the chair for about 1 minute. sit there next to her and don't let her get up. It's going to be hell the first few times, but she will get used to it. Take this time to talk with her about proper behavior. Tell her that if she sits calmly, she will get a reward. When time out is over, congratulate her, hugs, make it a positive thing, tell her you're proud even if you're not. Give her a tiny treat. EVERY SINGLE TIME she does something like that, you HAVE to put her in time out. CONSISTENCY is the name of the game for toddlers. For the biting, rub your finger lightly across the top of a Tobasco sauce bottle. put JUST A TEENY TEENY TEENY BIT on her tongue when she bites you next time, then rinse her mouth IMMEDIATELY. talk to her about it while you're rinsing her mouth. I promise she won;t do it again.

Answer 2

I would suggest that piercing does not make anyone a good or bad person, mother, worker etc. However, the practicalities are that the way you look sends a message to those you encounter. Why did you pierce your face? What message do you want to communicate by your appearance? It's obviously become a concern for you. Why don't you take out the peircings? You are at a different stage in your life now that you have a daughter and have to act as a role model and an authority figure. See how you feel about yourself and how people inter-act with you. You can always replace the peircing later if you choose. Try on a different face and see how you like it.

Answer 3

Vettleo needs to get out of hear if he is going to be mean.

You are not a bad mother. If you were you would not be concerned by asking for advice. Your baby does not know what she is doing. She does not understand right form wrong. When she does things like that just say "no" firmly and pop her hand. Not hard, but lightly so she knows you mean it. I have a 10-month old 2, but he is as sweet as he can be. Every child is different, Just give her the love and attention she needs and she will be fine. Good luck.

Also do not worry about what other people think. If you are a good mother then that is all that matters.

Answer 4

You can't always judge someone by the way they look. You may LOOK like a bad mom to some people, but they are the ones who would look at you the same way even if you didn't have a child. There are some people who always look proper and presentable and perfect, who I'm sure aren't necessarily the best parents in the world. Appearance has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are. I always worry because I don't look my age, that people will think I'm just one of those "kids having kids." But that's not the case, and they don't know that just by looking at me.

As for your daughter's behavior, she's not being mean intentionally, she doesn't know what she is doing yet or that she is hurting you. It's probably a case where she's doing something, and you make a big deal out of it, so she thinks it's cool to keep doing it just to get a reaction. But she doesn't know enough yet to do it purposely to be mean to you.

Answer 5

Yes, you're a bad mother. As a 23 year old father of two, you should be able to control your child. She's not even 1 yet. And where do you think she learned how to scratch, bite, and pull hair. You obviously are not showing this kid enough love and attention, yet let this little she devil get away with anything she wants and she knows she can get away with it by acting out. You need to figure out how to discipline your child (time outs or spanking) and not caving. I know it hurts to see your child cry, but you have to be stern.. AND BE CONSISTANT! as for the piercing.. i wouldn't judge you based on that.

Answer 6

When no words come out, breathe. Take a very big deap breath, hold it for 1 sec and let it out fast, it relaxes you. When I was 19 I didn't want to talk to my dad about sex or how to choose a boyfriend. So on that note, you may want to start by taking her aside for alone time with you. Whether it be cookies and milk in the kitched when your other 2 daughters are at a friends or going to a restuarant or just going to marble slab creamery for ice cream. Just take her aside and tell her you want to have a serious conversation with her about sex and advice about choosing a boyfriend but you don't want to make her uncomfortable. Than ask her if she would rather hear this information from you in a letter, e-mail or via instant message. It will make things easier on you to know what will make her feel more comfortable. As far as finance. That is an easy topic to talk to your dad about. My dad gave me that talk before I left the nest. After you find out how she wants to hear the sex and bf talk, you can jump right into the finance talk (unless she would rather just talk to you about the sex and bf than talk about that first and than go into the finance talk). It's nerve racking being a single dad. I'm sure she will understand.

Answer 7

Don't worry about those people that you think are judging you by your appearance, they are not worth your time. You have enough to focus on with your daughter! As far as her temperament, it may just be her personality. Keep loving her for who she is, but try to discourage the behavior by ignoring it as much as possible. Don't let her injure you, but don't give her any more attention for the mean behavior than you possibly have to. Another possible cause of this meanness could be stress...is there anything going on in the home that could be stressful for her...arguments, yelling, etc? Babies are very susceptible to stressful situations like this, even if they don't understand what is being said. Good Luck to you, and again, don't worry about those that might judge your appearance. Be yourself, and be happy!

Answer 8

no because Ppl are always going to judge other Ppl so in my opinion as long as you feel that your doing a good job as a mother and as long as Faith remains healthy and there are no problems then in my opinion you shouldn't care about what other ppl say because you should live for you and your daughter only screw what every body else has to say and this is coming from a mother to be that's 19 with tattoos and piercings

Answer 9

How you carry and present yourself to others is how you get respect...if you do not respect yourself people will make judgments (albeit unfair) about you. I can tell you that I would think you were a bad mother if I saw the baby in shabby, dirty clothing, or you conducting yourself in a manner that was not befitting of a good mother.....(IE: smoking, drinking, using profane language, inappropriate dress...) I never did quite get the whole face piercing thing, but it is a personal choice. Your personal choices affect the image you present. Understand what I am getting at here?

Answer 10

i wouldn't necessarily say to myself "there goes a bad mom"
i might wonder if you were really ready to have a baby, though and this is only b/c of my own experiences with growing up and maturing in life.

as for her scratching you etc...well, first keep her nails cut!!! second, when she does that correct her. kids are never too young for discipline. so, say "no, no, that hurts mommy. be gentle." and the use her hand to rub softly on your face or pet your hair. you will have to do this ALOT for the point to get across, but she'll get it eventually. consistency is your best tool when teaching your kids.

and.....i just want you to know that if you feel you are a good mom, then that's all that matters. everyone parents their kids differently, so there is never going to be a criteria for the "good mom".
take care and i'm sure you're doing a fine job with your daughter.