I told my boyfriend today that I am feeling emotionally drained by our relationship. I spend all my time making him happy and comfortable and think about my wants and needs last if at all. I want to change our relationship so that I am more satisfied. I want to do some of the things I like to do instead of always doing things he likes (and I'm not talking about sex, just regular activities). He took this very badly. He thought I was trying to break up with him. I love him and don't want to leave him, but I want to change how we spend our time and how we divide up the housework. What is a good way to tell him this so he doesn't automatically think I want to leave him?
2006-07-12 03:16:34 · 16 answers · asked by Amaunette 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Put your foot down, tell him what's on your mind and tell him outright how you feel from both sides.
..... why not show him this Yahoo Question!!
If he's this selfish..... I'd send him packing!!
Hey dude, if you're reading this, you have a woman that loves you and does not want to leave you...... open your eyes and cut this lady some slack. She has a part in this relationship too....... if you don't give her the satisfaction of sharing with her what she wants to do, you WILL lose her in the end.
Wise up dude..... this is the 21st Century!
If you can't do that for her, I'd be glad to treat your ex-girlfriend like a Queen!...... and so will millions of other guys.
Hope this helps hon! Good Luck!
Drop me a line if he keeps this selfishness up!
2006-07-12 03:40:30 · answer #1 · answered by doctor_johnnie_jointroller 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a common problem in many relationships. But the solution isn't that tough. But you have to change your outlook a bit. DON'T "tell" him, discuss it with him. I think the way you worded the question tells us a lot about your relationship. I would guess that you "tell" him a lot of stuff and that isn't a true equal relationship. It makes you as sort of a mother role, and we all allow our mothers to take care of us, so that is what he is doing. In order to change this, you will have to change the entire basis of your relationship.
Sit him down and say exactly what you wrote here. Tell him you love him, but you are afraid that if you continue in this manner you will eventually resent him and your relationship. Then explain some of the regular things you would like to do. Make a list of chores that have to be done on a regular basis, then devide them equally. (Remember to include chores that he normally does, car maintenance, yardwork etc.) The most important thing is to make sure he knows you are trying to make the relationship better for you. And that you are feeling overloaded and that you need his help to make it through.
If all goes well, you will both have a more mature and equal relationship, if not it will be the end. Then you ill have to heal and move on. and try to create a better one next time.
Good Luck
2006-07-12 10:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by llywarch_dindaethwy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open and honest communication with a touch of emathy mixed with an ounce of sincerity.
Ask him to sit down with you.
Hold is hand and look in his eyes (he will feel less threatend when you touch him and he will have in undivided attention if you look at him directly).
Tell him that you love him and you don't want to leave him, but you need him to help you feel more happy in the relationship. Confide your hurts in an honest way and discuss what he thinks of what you are saying. Say that you do feel emotionally drained and that it is affecting the relationship in the sense of moving forward. Tell him you don't want to be in limbo land with the relationship and are willing to work through things together, whatever it takes, to make it move in a postive direction.
Be sincere and tell him at the end of the talk that you truly do love him (hearing this on an end of a serious talk is a good reassurance to him that you are sincere).
Oh well, that's theory now it's up to you to put it into practice. Good luck and I hope things pan out for you :)
2006-07-12 10:25:23 · answer #3 · answered by v_stroke_28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that things have got to change and let him know that you love him but it's not all about him you have to be satisfied also in order to have a good healthy relationship.
2006-07-12 10:21:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to him that you want to have things more on an even scale. Just the way he loves it when you do the things he wants, you want that in return. Explain to him that a relationship is about give-and-take. You love him, and you want him to experience the things you love.
2006-07-12 10:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by Sean/Guy Wiley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not control his thinking. You can only control what you say and how you say it. Start the conversation with the fact that you love him and have no intentions on leaving him and just tell him what you want and need from him.
2006-07-12 10:19:19 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he is in control he feels more secure. You told him straight up how you feel and he misunderstood it as a slam on him and he thought of his own selfishness. Show him what you wrote here and see what he says. He should be opened minded and see your point and if he really cared and understood he would change.
2006-07-12 10:25:07 · answer #7 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man can always sense when a woman is trying to get him to do more housework.
2006-07-12 10:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by Ron T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very important read this carefully.
You always let them think its their IDEA. if you can implement that in the rest of your relationships with men you will never wonder what else ya'll can do. because you just play with him and watch him.
examples are available.
2006-07-12 10:25:15 · answer #9 · answered by SECRET woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont have to tell him just change suprise him thats what i did after i broke up with my girl i didnt realize is just a feeling and i stop believen in it so now i got a new girl and she told me that she likes the new me because i changed the way i dress the way i talk and the way i treat her and she said she likes it so im gonna keep acting me so yea you gotz anymore questions holla at me at babyboychris32@yahoo.com iight duces
2006-07-12 10:32:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋