I have a two year old who throws tantrums. I have been told to let him cry, spank him, etc. any suggestions?

Question

answers from anyone with real expericence would help. his dad is gone, so i am having a hard time with this, his just screams over nothing. any new advice on getting him to stop screaming?

Answer 1

A lot of moms will tell you to ingnore the tantrum.I did that for a while but it
seemed like they were only getting worse. Maya would actually hurt herself.
Soooo, I came up with my own solution.

When she starts throwing a fit I squat down to her level and get right in her
face and say, very calmly in a low even voice. "Calm down, calm down, calm
down". I Will pause to do deep breaths, or to say "Look at Mommy's eyes, time to
be calm, breath". It seems monatonouse, and at first they can't even hear you,
but that is what makes them stop crying.

It's like they are thinking "What the heck is mommy doing?" My friend
actually called me last night in tears because her little girl had been throwing
a fit for 20 minutes. She did this on the phone with me and it took about 60
seconds for her to stop crying.

Also, when you are doing this, don't say things like "No, you can't have the
toy, or mommy doesn't like it when...." When your child is this worked up, they
have no idea why, they are just upset and getting more and more upset. This
calms them down and talking about why they are throwing a fit will just put them
into another one, reminding them why they were mad.

This gives them the skills they need to calm themselves down when they are
mad. You are training them to stop, and breath. They also see that you are in
control and remaining calm, you know what to do and you care about how they are
feeling enough to drop everything and help them for a minute. This makes them
more secure and more likely to follow your lead.

Once they calm down, say "good job being calm, now what are we going to do?"
Give them an activity to work on. It took me about a week or so to break Maya of
fits this way. Now she may start to throw a tantrum every now and then but I
just tell her to go to her room and work it out, since I know she has learned
how. She always stops crying and just looks at me.

Answer 2

He is missing something in his life. Possibly his dad if he remembers him. Try to calm him down by picking him up and setting him a corner until he calms down. Tell him once he is good he can get up. If he doesn't listen than don't give in to him if he wants a cookie or dessert after supper. Tell him that because of his tantrums than no dessert. Just let him know you are in charge. Do not give into him. Don't let him get away with this behavior. If you let him now than he will think he can do it later on in life and that isn't the best behavior. I have nothing against spanking but after a while they ignore it. Putting them in a corner hurts there feeling more. Put him in the corner how ever old he is. Since he is 2 put him in it for 2 minutes but don't start the time until he calms down. When his time out is done tell him what he did wrong and let him know that you love him but that behavior isn't going to work. While doing this stay in a firm but calm voice. Don't yell it makes matters worse. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts generally displayed by children between the ages of 1 and 4. They are considered a normal, healthy part of child development.

During a temper tantrum, children may engage in behaviors such as screaming, shouting, hitting and kicking.

Some children have temper tantrums regularly, whereas others rarely experience them. The frequency of tantrums is related to the individual temperament of the child. Temper tantrums affect boys and girls equally.

Many people mistakenly believe that temper tantrums are caused by poor parenting skills. However, they typically stem from a combination of factors, including immediate circumstances, the child’s age, communication skills, temperament and developmentally healthy behavior.

Parents and caregivers can handle temper tantrums by distracting the child, removing the child from the situation, ignoring the child or holding the child.

In some cases, temper tantrums may be prevented or minimized. This may be achieved by setting realistic limits, helping children adhere to a regular schedule and offering children legitimate choices

Answer 4

A really good trick my sister n'law used was when her son threw tantrums, she would sit him on her lap cross his arms in front of him, and make him sit there. Just watch out for head butting. OR Just let the kid throw the tantrum, and ignore it. Eventrually he will stop because you are not acknowledging the tantrum, and it will not gain him anything. When he is calmed down ignore the fact he just threw a tantrum, and redirect his attention, for instance ask him if he would like to go read a book or do some other calming activity.

Answer 5

Hi sweetie, well I am a mom of 3 grown kids and 8 grandkids -- maybe I have "real" experience. haha

I KNOW how hard it is to deal with the tantrums on your own, but do know that it is normal and he will outgrow this, it will just take time. Yes, ignoring will work the best - it is a way to get your attention, and if you ignore him, he will quickly learn that it doesn't work! The "terrible twos" can go on for a couple of years, so hang in there!!

Another thing that I found that worked is WHISPERING, I know it sounds wierd, but when you yell, he will yell louder. He wants to hear what you are saying and if you whisper, he will have to be quiet to hear you. Then and only then reward him - story, playtime, go to the park, etc.

Good luck and God Bless. You can always e-mail me if you want to talk.

Answer 6

My younger one got into that habit. I asked my moms about it and she dutifully informed me of what she did about me and my tantrums at that age. The trick is attention. That's why they do it. Good attention or bad attention, it's all the same to a 4yr old. What you gotta do is ignore the tantrum. leave the room put the child to bed what ever. Just don't give the attention when they are throwing the tantrum. It'll be hard and annoying, but eventually the kid will realize that he's not gonna catch flies with mustard.

Answer 7

I know what u r going through. If you get violent with him it will only get worse. Yelling will do the same thing. Sit him in his room for a time out. Sometimes this may not work, so the next thing you do is ignore him. He is only throwing a tantrum because he wants attention. Let him do it, and show him tantrums dont get him attention, only good behavior will. Good luck, I know its stress full

Answer 8

Be firm and consistent.

Immediately put him in a safe place and ignore him. He will get over it, but not until you let him know who is boss.

Screaming is unacceptable and you are to teach him by reinforcing positive behavior, don't react to his negative behavior.

If it happens in public, get him to a private place (yes, even take him out of the grocery store) for example if it's at home use his bedroom, in a park get to a wide grassy area and have a seat.

Parties and holidays are NO exception to the rule: scream and you will be in time out. Period. A good rule of thumb is after the child quiets down add one minute of 'seated time out' for every year of the childs age. Two minutes of sitting quietly should be your goal after getting past the tantrum.

It will work.

Answer 9

After you've estabished that there is nothing wrong with him/that' he's not in pain, etc.:

He does it to:
-express frustration (during a calm time, teach him to punch a pillow, etc.)

-get your attention-that's when you ignore him. Give him a lot of positive attention when he's being good and then when he's not-ignore him. He'll soon make the connection that the only time he's going to get 'mommy love' is when his behavior is appropriate.

-and never spank. You'll end up with much worse problems than you have now if you teach him that it's okay to hit.

:)

Answer 10

Could he be reacting to the fact his dad is gone? If not make him have a time out, or remove a toy, refuse to take him out to play etc. until he stops. He needs consistent handling and consequences for his behavior. I know its easier to give in but if you do this will never get better. Hitting does not work it only reinforces the behavior, he wants attention even if it is negative attention, does he get enough time with you?