Single parents, something to think about. .?

Question

I think it's a tad backwards that as a single mom, if I were irresponsible, addicted to drugs, and a complete failure, my family would not hesitate to take custody of my son. Yet as a responsible drug/disease free, tentative mom, I can barely get them to babysit for a few hours so that I can get a break. Not to justify it, but could this be what leads so many young moms to make the terrible decision to harm themselve and/or their children? Between work, school, and playing with the kids, frustration can build up if Moms don't get a break. Why doesn't anyone care until it's too late? Couldn't we decrease the amount of child abuse and murder cases if we as a community, not necessarily the government, showed some support to the many single moms out there?

I have NEVER thought of harming my child. However, as a volunteer child advocate, I know that there are many girls out there who don't have the patience and maturity that motherhood requires, and the community seems to turn their back on them. Currently I'm trying to set up a network for moms who need help - kind of like a group of single moms who help each other out with babysitting, talking, etc. . .

Answer 1

Sweetie, it's not just single moms. I'm married and I have 4 boys. I live several hundreds of miles away from my mom. When i talk to her on the phone, she talks about how she wishes she could keep the kids for a while, but when I come to town. I ask her will she watch them while my husband and I go out and she's like "Y'all ain't gonna be leaving here with these kids all day". So I feel you're pain. We haven't had a real date since before we had kids.

Answer 2

AS a single mom for the last 10 years, I know what you are trying to say. You are not saying that you are going to throw it all in and become a bad mom, just that it is frustrating how difficult it can be sometimes, and no one really seems to care.

I know this sounds terrible, but another family member is a single FATHER. Everyone in the family pitches in to "help the poor guy" all the time! And those of us that are single moms are expected to work, keep house, take care of the kids, and keep on going like we are superheros. Never once has anyone in the family stepped in or used the words, "let's help the poor girl". It isn't fair at times.

Answer 3

I'm a single parent of a 3 year old. I currently live with my parents. Since my mother babysits my son while I work a full time job, I feel guilty if I ask her to keep him any other time. So if I'm not a work, my son is with me. I love being a mom, I wouldn't want any other life; but I would love to have an hour of "me time" every once in a while without feeling like I'm being a bad mom. My sons dad is not very involved in his life so I try to make up for that and be both mom and dad. So, Yes I know how you feel.

Answer 4

Good point, however, we just need to educate ourselves. If as single parents, our family will not help, then we must look elsewhere for help with babysitting. Have you tried your local church? They usually have responsible teenagers to come babysit for you. Try looking at your local high school as well, there may be a bulletin board with advertisements from responsible teens to babysit who are looking for some income. I have found that there are many communities out there who offer a lot of help and support for single parents, but you as the single parent need to ask for it. It is not offered, especially if the community knows you have family, unless you speak up, the communities will think you have things under control. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY HERE!!!!!!!!!!! So, yes you brought up some good points, but at the same token if you don't ask for help, then no you will not get help. Do you see what I'm getting at here? I hope so. Anyhow, for yourself, to please look into the above mentioned ideas for a break for your own sanity. You can make this work, there are many of us out there that have. Just believe in yourself and treasure your child. Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't know your situation so it's hard for me to comment. Are you divorced? Where is the father? Are you a single mom because you got pregnant by accident and the guy is not around anymore?

Being a parent is hard work, and if you chose to do it alone, you sort of have to deal with it. There were other options. Not for nothing, but although it would be nice to get free babysitting, it's isnt your parents responsibility. Maybe they do not approve of the choices you made.

Why not set up playdates where your son goes to another childs house?

Answer 6

I agree... however, while it is nice when family will babysit for us, it is not their job. We are the mothers. And if we were abusing our children, of course they would take custody, but that is a far cry from baby sitting. Our families want what is best for us and our children. If a woman is unfit to be a mother, then someone should step in and protect the child. However, if a woman expects her family to be an on call baby sitting service, she should really remember that it is her job, not her families, to care for the child.

Answer 7

I agree totally, i have three kids and sometimes i want to just rip my hair out, i have put my daughter in daycare two days a week and i dont even work, so i have at least two days a week to myself, my two older kids are at school but if it werent for those two days i would have gone insane, family is of no help and neither are husbands, i really dont blame mothers who go off the deep end sometimes it really is a huge time and mind consuming job being a mum, its about time there was some kind of support group for mothers,i feel your pain sister i wish i could help :(

Answer 8

I am a single mother and I could not disagree more.
It is my responsibilty for my daughter, yes I could use a break but this was my choice to have my child.
There is support out there, you just need to look for it.
Connecy with other moms in your area, use the internet,ask around.
If you are not mature enough to have a child, you shouldn't-bottom line,
Being frustrated is no excuse for child abuse-drugs, etc.

Answer 9

If you need a babysitter go to craigslist.org and many people advertise under childcare in your area. I have an 11 year old daughter and never once thought of hurting my child or myself. If you are feeling that way, you need to seek a help group. They do have groups for single mothers that meet in your area. Contact your local social services office for information. You will bond with other women in your situation and find peace.

Answer 10

try to find other single moms and take turns babysitting there should be support groups if not start one up i am sure there is other moms who feel that way. Start with maybe your church see if some one there can help.