my oldest is direspectful to me and my 4 year old he gets punished by my husband but it just makes it worse when he is not around, i am ready to pull his head off!!!!!
2006-07-12 01:06:04 · 14 answers · asked by Becky E 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your 16-year-old gets a sense of power by being disrespectful to you and his young sibling. Even just making you mad gives him a sense of power. So the key here is to get the power back and at the same time appeal to his desire to be in control of his life. He needs to learn the lesson that his actions, good or bad, have consequences. He also needs to learn to take responsibility for controlling his own actions. I recommend a contract, as described on the links below. This will set the guidelines for what you expect from him, regardless of which parent he is with, and what he can expect from you. It should include a meaningful incentive (reward) if he carries out the terms of the contract as well as a consequence (instead of a punishment) if he fails to meet the expected behavior standards. The idea here is to show your teenager that his real power derives from self-control, not from picking on a small sibling or disrespecting his mother. It is important that you and your husband be united and consistent. When infractions occur, do not yell or argue, just quietly inform your son that he has incurred a consequence per the terms of the contract. But you do have to make sure to "catch" him whenever he is doing something right as well. If he plays catch nicely with the little one for half an hour, thank him. If he does a chore without being reminded him, praise him for being so responsible. It is possible to totally turn around this situation if you can change the dynamics of the family relationships.
2006-07-12 01:36:45 · answer #1 · answered by just♪wondering 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say his punishment needs adjusted - I have yet to meet a child that with the right discipline didn't learn improvement.
spankings will not help unless you explain why they are being spanked in a calm manner. being upset and beating them will result in a rebellious response. Grounding is a stupid meaningless punishment that will show no good results. Taking away something they enjoy will only make matters worse and he will only blame those who are weaker around him.
Good your husband is involved but he has to work the chain of command into his system. By sitting your son down and saying. when he is not around your the boss and if he messes up he will get double punishment because respect for his wife and your mother will not be tolerated.
at 16 if it were I, I would place him in an environment that was like boot camp. I wake him up before dawn and exercise - shower - dress - and stand at attention until breakfast allow him a certain amount of time to eat - etc... until he learn discipline.
2006-07-12 01:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do it, you need to stand up to him and make sure he knows that your the adult and he will respect you. Stop bringing everything to the father. He sees the father is the disciplinary and your just the informant. Also make sure you treat them equally, I know the 4 yro needs more attention but make sure you give the 16 yro some as well. I'm not a doctor, but he picks on him because he is jealous. He may also be getting picked on in school and needs someone to take the aggression out on and the young one is the only one he feels he can do that with. The main thing is that you take control and let him know your the boos and he will respect you and that child!
2006-07-12 01:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by Jessie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So does this 16 yr. old have a room? And entertainment? Simple, Mom...just clean out his room and take away his "currency" (those things that he loves to have). Leave him with basics, a bed and a lamp. When he proves he can respect his family and himself, he can have the other stuff back. No prividleges at all for him! And, Mama, if you think you have problems now with is disrespect when his Dad isn't home, wait till you have to visit him in prison. Get his Dad involved. Tell Dad to take him for a drive one day and lay down the law. Keep the 4 yr. old out of his way before he/she gets hurt. Don't tolerate the testostrone-aggression. If you back down, he wins.
2006-07-12 01:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should get him some help or talk him there's probably something bothering him u n i mean u not just his father should start punishing him more when he does wrong don't go easy on him even if it's not really a big deal because he'll think what the hell didn't get punished for the last time and he just gets more n more out of control
2006-07-12 01:33:08 · answer #5 · answered by angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
needs more punishing
stop giving him money or brand name clothes or anything else he likes and wants that costs money
ground him longer
don't let him get a license or car and don't pay for them
it should be pretty easy to punish a 16 year old
there are lots of things they want, and feel like they need, but they don't actually need, and you can deprive them of those things til they change, it's just that most parents are too easy on their kids.
But you definitely should do whatever is necessary to protect your younger child who absolutely should not be mistreated like that. If your eldest is physically or sexually abusing the younger child, you should contact the police.
2006-07-12 01:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he needs a mental health evaluation. A 16 yr old picking on a 4 yr old??? Sorry I think you have one sick puppy there. Get him some help before he does something REALLY STUPID. If he gets totally out of control..call the cops
2006-07-12 01:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably gets jealous because in his mind you pay more attention to the 4 year old. Try and give him more attention. Talk to him, ask him why he does the things that he does. If it all fails you can send him to boot camp. They'll straighten him out!
2006-07-12 01:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in truth, that's a larger abomination to provide short shrift to the English language. fortuitously there is an request for forgiveness you are able to make, a dua in case you'll. you ought to write one hundred situations, "in route of Excellence in English." Lest you imagine that is common, you ought to write it upon the waters of the red Sea with a magic marker. solid success.
2016-10-14 09:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by hudrick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does he like? well whatever it is take it away sit down as a family and tell him the consequence of his mean action is the suspension of that which he likes. but honestly at 16 it is a little late you should have started earlier
2006-07-12 01:12:58 · answer #10 · answered by worldstiti 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋