I started to date a woman I met through work who I thought I knew well. I took her out last night, and afterwards we came home to my house, While we were in bed she tells me she is married and has been for eight years. Her husband knows what she gets up to and it's ok. But I have to understand we can never be together full time.Why do I keep attracting the users , is tehre any woman out there that will love me and only me .? In return they get a good lifestyle and a loving partner .
2006-07-11 22:58:41 · 19 answers · asked by nicksmithis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi, good to see you resolved the wife situation ! I answered one of your questions before ! ( you picked me as best answer thanks ) how long did you know this woman before you took her out and took her to bed ? if you worked together for any length of time and she never mentioned her husband it the fact she was unfaithful cant be blamed on you !
she may be telling the truth about him knowing and not minding . I know for personal experience there are some guys who get their kicks from letting the wife or girlfriend sleep around and then coming home and telling all about it . I was with a guy for little over a year and towards the end he wanted me to Be" with some of his friends I did it a couple of times for him but then it moved on to him wanting to watch in the end it turned way to strange even for me when he would ask me to do things then get jealous
perhaps this woman's husband is hopping to be a watcher at some point ?
you seem a nice guy who has had some bad luck
I think I would date you if we met ( bear in mind I am 19 )
good luck on the dating front
and do what ever you feel comfortable with
2006-07-11 23:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by jenny 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure if the problem is that you keep attracting these women. What I would say is if the case with your colleague is typical, you don't seem to get to know them well enough before getting intimately involved with them. If you had gotten to know your colleague better, you would have found out, before you went to bed with her, that she was married. Then you could have made a decision about continuing to see her based on that knowledge.
By the way, I would not accept her word that she has an open marriage. I am sure if you asked her husband, he would be as surprised as you are about this. Some women just want to have affairs and will say anything to get a guy into bed - just as some men will lie to women in order to bed them. If I were you, I would dump this woman and leave well alone and tell her why. If you had known she was married, you would not have touched her because it goes against your principles. And mean it. You are better than this and if you continue to see her, you are no better than your unfaithful wife...
As for your wife, I am assuming she wasn't always an alcoholic. You need to ask yourself why she became one. Maybe she drank to cope with the guilt of being unfaithful and maybe she was unfaithful because she was getting something from these blokes that she wasn't getting from you. I don't know the answer and it doesn't matter now, since you are no longer together...but it is worth reflecting on whether there was something about you that drove her behaviour.
If I were you, I would take a break from women for a while. Then when you start dating, get to know these women properly before you take your relationship to the next level. In the meantime, keep your eyes and ears open for signs that all is not as it seems. It is the only way you will be sure that you are not hooking up with another potential disaster on the mate front.
Good luck
2006-07-11 23:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by Hallber 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you're picking the rotten ones. Us women aren't all that bad - but there are a few numpties that ruin it for the rest of us and make us look bad.
You will find a nice lady who treats you right, but I think you need to dump the married lady (I'm sure I don't have to tell you not to get caught up in that sort of thing) and find someone else who's not into head-games. Why don't you try things like singles dinner nights - you go out with a group of singles to different restaurants every week or so, have a good chat, make some friends, and hey, if you fancy someone from the group, you can ask them out for a private dinner. At least you can get to know them before hand.
Good luck! I'm sure you'll find someone soon! Nil desperandum!
2006-07-11 23:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by Disgruntled Biscuit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. It is good your no longer with a woman who is unfaithful to you, but when you start to date other women look for the signs your ex wife gave you. Or go with your gut. Also, don't just rush right back into the whole dating scene because you are new at it again and might not notice little things that matter. Just wait it out and someone will come in time.
2006-07-11 23:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 49 y o male who is still with his alcaholic cheating wife after 5 long years were stil together and she doesn't drink anymore and guess what she really loves me. I knew the way she was when we got together so how could i change her if first i give up on her. I didn't and she saw that i was a man of my word and stood beside her. If you knew before then how can you judge her faults unless you are plain stupid and she played you like a fiddle and used you because you were too stupid to know the difference
2006-07-11 23:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy. Alanon. Self-Care. Self improvement.
Its not that you are broken, you have just developed some bad patterns in relationships and you are unaware of the root of it.
Anyone who has experienced being married to someone who is alcoholic and unfaithful has been traumatized. Therapy would be a great self-care structure to assist you in getting back to center and finding someone who appreciates the love you have to give.
I am sorry you have experienced these issues, but until you discover the part you play with these women, you are doomed to repeat it over and over.
2006-07-11 23:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by beach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well done on getting rid of the alcoholic wife. With women or any partner the best way is to get to know them outside work, hobbies, music etc. Spend time with them, at various times, call them and if they have something to hide it will show up sooner rather than later. Women can be very devious and secretive. but persistance can win. You will find a nice woman ;) i have faith in ya
2006-07-11 23:10:40 · answer #7 · answered by mad_mental_man2104 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, that sucks. that woman has a strange relationship with her husband....she at least owed it to you to tell you she was married before you took her home.
you've probably heard this before but it WILL happen! you'll find someone. men have a better chance of finding someone as they get older than women do. that's my opinion anyway b/c men are like a good wine, they get better with age where as women go down hill and get traded in every 10 years for a newer model. so the future looks good for you, but for us ladies on the other hand.......maybe not so good. ;)
2006-07-11 23:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by origchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe getting to know them a little better before you are stuck to your knees in ***. Spend some time talking and being together. Talk about your values - not too much about your devastating past though. Have a good time before getting so very involved. Nice women are out there.
2006-07-11 23:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by Tones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all where do you live & what is your preference when it come to woman? (what do you like) Maybe I'll consinder it after you answer my questions? There are good woman out who also think like, they attract all these trashy people, I wish you all the best in finding one that will appreciate you for who you are. Congratulations for getting your life in order, getting rid of your abusive!
2006-07-11 23:05:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋