My mom always tries to influence what I think about other people, even though I am 23. She has done this all my life and is making me crazy. She never liked any of my friends or dates and she filled my head with sooooo much garbage about them, that I finally ended up breaking up with them. Please, I could use some advice!
2006-07-11 21:57:59 · 16 answers · asked by bird in the sky 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for answering. It's not that my friends are actually garbage (they're not junkies or anything like that), it's just that they are not GOOD ENOUGH. I know she has my best interest at heart, but she is trying to make decisions for me and I don't seem to get her to stop, altough I had some endless talks with her about it. I personally think she's scared of losing me (or the influence she has on me), but that's no reason to mess up my entire life. And she is always using some emotional blackmail to keep me by her side, which is killing me softly...
2006-07-11 22:11:23 · update #1
Try this, it might help…don’t disagree with her on everything she says right away. That will surely fuel the heated conversation even more. Tell her that you do respect and take her advises to heart. Let her know that she and your dad have raised you well, and taught you everything you know, which is sufficient when it comes to judging people and becoming friends with them. If she uses emotional blackmail on you, it is the last resource she has to hold onto. Be decisive and firm on your decision making and sticking to it. That will reassure your mom that you do have a mind of your own and that you’re not declaring your independence from her as her child completely. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
2006-07-11 23:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Smile 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If all her input has been negative, then she's a control freak (something I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, you have to know this already).
There is a great book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Read that, it will help you stand up to your mom and be able to have and maintain your own opinions. You're 23, if she still isn't giving you that space, you are going to have to take it.
BTW, this advice is out the window if you've been rebellious against your family in your relationships. If you've been bringing home nothing but trash, what do you expect? If you are hanging with the wrong crowd, even if your mom's delivery is all wrong, her message is all right.
You already have the judgement to know which of these scenarios is true. Good luck either way.
2006-07-11 22:07:05 · answer #2 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she deserve your respect as you deserve her! So talk to her.
If this doesn't work, if you can move , then move. If you cant; then I suggested that when you have talk to her about how you feel, that you are a woman of 23 years and you deserve to make your own decision, that is time to her to let you grow, yes maybe I will make mistake but I will learn of them. And tell her how ugly it is to be talking bad of your friends and more is they aren't present, If you like I will tell my friends what you think of them, so we can understand each other better, if I have make a bad choice I will learn also, and all this experience will let me go through live because I wont have you all the time!
Remember parents usually worried for you, and they are always trying the best for you!
Hope this little thing helps you!
Good Luck!
2006-07-11 22:12:56 · answer #3 · answered by ogloriad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End of the day your mom only wants what's best for you regardless of who is right in this situation. introduce them to your mom so that she can get a chance to know them like you do and this will improve her opinion of your friends. However maybe she sees something in these people that you may be too infatuated to see yourself, keep an open mind about things and don't blame your mom for your own actions, if you break off with people it's your own decision. Finally stop being so antagonistic with your mom, she may interpret this as the influence of your peers.
2006-07-11 22:08:30 · answer #4 · answered by Steve B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you live with her you need to move out for starters and if you don't or even if you stay you need to tell her to stay out of your person business. Let her know you respect her opinion but you will make your own choices and that your not a kid anymore. And don't let her hold stuff over your head. So just stand up to her. What I'm trying to say is grow some balls.
2006-07-11 22:01:32 · answer #5 · answered by jliljay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom (and sometimes even dad) do that too sometimes..she never liked any of my friends or best friends and filled my head with so much garbage as well until i picked fights with some of them. :( but the right thing to do as a friend/date would be to trust in yr friend/date.
hmm with dates, always be careful. if u really like someone, no one shd stop u from pursuing it..unless you are completely oblivious to the fact that its really not right.
especially trust yr friends, if they are being genuine to you. because it isn't yr mom or dad hanging out with yr friends, its you. only you know if they're good company or not. try to stick with your friends no matter what others say about them :) its what true friends do :)
but remember that whatever she says, yr mom has yr best interests at heart so don't take it out on her or wtvr. she's yr mom after all and she loves u. :)
2006-07-11 22:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by sparklene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. You're an adult now and you can just tell her to stop talking about your friends because you're old enough to make your own decisions. Seems harsh, but you have to put your foot down because if you allow this, it will have a negative effect on your life.
2006-07-11 22:07:16 · answer #7 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are who you are. If your mother thinks your friends are garbage then what exactly are you doing wrong or right. One day its going to have to be your decision who you like or associate with but at 23 you are leaving things a bit late aren't you?
2006-07-11 22:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by Damein A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to butt out, get all pissy with her, then don't talk to her for at least a week. You have to let her know that you aren't a kid anymore and that the relationship between you needs to change.
2006-07-11 22:00:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't forget she could be right at times you know. Parents have more experience in life than we do. Ofcourse they are not ALWAYS right.But take your mom's advice ito consideration
2006-07-11 22:03:17 · answer #10 · answered by arnous81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋