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2006-07-11 21:50:13 · 15 answers · asked by harmony 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
New Rules In Hell
A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.
The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".
The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".
He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"
"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.
"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"
"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.
"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.
The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".
The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".
The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.
He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.
"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"
The Devil smiles at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."
2006-07-12 19:13:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's some jokes that might offend someone.... or everyone.
Enjoy !
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no i! ntention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia a ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with.. "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethissh..! ..
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
2006-07-12 04:54:04 · answer #2 · answered by Primrose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man, his wife, their nine kids, and a blind guy all try to get on the bus. There was only enough room for the wife and her children. so the husband and the blind guy walk together on their way to their destination. After awhile the tapping of the blind guy's
stick gets to the husband and the husband replies" Couldn't you
put some rubber at the end of your stick to stop that noise?"
So the blind guy replies "Oh Shut up!! If you put rubber at the
end of your stick, we'd be riding the us by now!"
2006-07-12 05:00:45 · answer #3 · answered by bittykittietwinklepie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice, with picnic tables,
horseshoe pits, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring
back some fruit. When he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you come out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator!"
2006-07-12 07:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by litespeed2rw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Imagine Bin Laden and Saddam at a funfair.
2006-07-12 04:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by police 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the Philippines, the waiters do not know whether you are a boy or girl upon entering a restaurant because they greet you, "Maam, Sir".
2006-07-12 04:53:45 · answer #6 · answered by FRAGINAL, JTM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the funniest joke I heard recently.. its rude mind you...
Bill and Ben are in bed.
Bill says "flubbadubb adub aduubb"
Ben replies, "If you loved me you would swallow that"
HAhaha I just laughed and luaghed. sick or what.
2006-07-12 04:53:14 · answer #7 · answered by mike_ra_swanson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first
day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is
essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a
friend.
Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the
bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown
boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next."
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
2006-07-12 05:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a girl opened her lips , watch a boy and closed her lips.
you know why?
the boy stuck his man hood inside het lips
2006-07-12 05:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by OrangeApple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christopher Reeve Walks into a bar......
Need i say more?
2006-07-12 04:53:04 · answer #10 · answered by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋