Answer to my problem is going to be a big challenge.When you read details,you will find serious contradictions.
Our love we believe,is timeless..
We both want to keep this relationship for life.what should we do?How do we solve issues?
As i see:
We share every thought openly and honestly.
One more thing, i was going through a bad phase,a kind of depression, when we met 3yrs back.
Today i am strong and self confident.
Sometimes I think his love and guidance had brought me back from a hopeless state.
Whenever he tried to FADE away-I kind of slid back into depression .
I keep telling him that my marriage to someone else,will be tough on him.
last week, i offered to remain unmarried for life-to keep our relationship going,to avoid hurting him...
But on many occasions i have a very strong urge to get married...get beautiful status of happily married woman in society.
He has offered to marry me-wants to marry me next year,after providing good money for his family.
Pl dont say Quit, DUMP HIM
2006-07-11 20:42:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is in Blore,India.I am working in a hospital in Bombay.
He has a loving wife,great kids.His finances are a bit tight at the moment but in 6-8 months he would have more than enough money.
I meet him once in 20 days,spend the night.We have a great sex life.We speak for almost one hour a day, on phone.
He truly and madly loves me.He still wants me to find someone and get married by next year.
I also want to marry,partly cause i do not want his family life to get disturbed.
I think he hates it when i get to meet men with marriage on my mind.
Our age gap bothers me-what will friends and relatives say is the question.Cant take him to my parents,Cant have public display of emotions and hold his arm in public.
Once or twice i told him that...i might be using him.
I have strong sexual urges and needs.I want him to meet me and have sex atleast once in 15 days.
For last18 months or so i have an exclusive relationship with him.
Pl help us to find a way.we do not want to stop this relationship.
2006-07-11 20:45:52 · update #1
Get married. "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
2006-07-11 20:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by Joseph L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand you. I am 31 and my boyfriend is 58. We have met on the net. And I was having really hard time, I will always be thankful to him for his support. He proposed marriage more than 10 times. But my family didn't approve because of the age difference. We are having really good time when we are together. I love the way he looks at me and his touches. DON'T DUMP HIM. But talk with him. We had a good talk with my boyfriend and decided not to get marry, the most important thing is having each other and loving each other. Unfortunately there are not many happily married men or women. There is something in marriage which makes us to loose the meaning of love. We are both single....
2006-07-12 03:53:23 · answer #2 · answered by Pinar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three years ago I would have definitely said to quit.
If this is serious as it sounds, then you and he have to make a decision one way or the other. It's not fair to his wife and children. Either way, no one will win out continuing the way it is now.
What about remaining friends and finding yourself some other guy?
It isn't exactly right for him to keep you around and keep hiding this from his family. Either he ends it with you or he ends it with them. You have to be strong enough to get him to the decision, even if the decision turns out to be one you don't personally want to have happen.
I also have a hard time believing that you are as strong and self-confident as you say. You may be stronger than you were, that much is true. But you are asking for help out here? And you're unwilling to hear us say "dump him"? That doesn't sound like total strength and self-confidence to me, sounds like you are still dependent on him to some degree -- especially since you are somewhat unwilling to end it and you say you went into a depression when the two of you were apart.
If you were TOTALLY strong and self-confident, you wouldn't need outside advice, and you could deal with or have or handle any outcome to the situation.
Age makes no difference if you both truly love each other. But please have some consideration for his wife and kids.
One other thing to consider -- if he's cheating on his wife and kids with you, then how will he treat you if you are the wife???
Sorry -- don't mean to rain on your parade, but that's the truth.
Any decision is better than no decision at all or waiting for life to make the decision for you. Right now you are both stuck in a "no decision". Life is about making choices, not waiting around -- even if those choices, frankly, really suck.
Make a choice.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-12 03:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by kevrob8008 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not entirely sure what your question is and where the complexity comes in. I think you're making this more difficult than it needs to be.
You said you want to be married, he offered to marry you. What's the problem?
Do you think that he only stays with you so that you don't slip back into a depression? If that's how you perceive things, and if your relationship is as open as you say, then you should have no problem discussing it with him.
The notion of remaining unmarried to continue a relationship is really a childish, overly romantic proposition and not realistic and I suspect that he knows this.
2006-07-12 03:51:59 · answer #4 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats very complicated.
Try to look at your situation in a reverse manner. Think as if you are the wife of this man. What will you feel if you find out that the man who made promise to the Great One to love you is loving another person, what will you feel?
Put your feet on the shoes of his children, what will you fell if you found out that theres a woman breaking your family? If that would happen to you're own family? what will you do?
If you love him try to love his family. Consider his children... Don't be selfish.
Love is always right. now ask yourself, is your relationship with this man is right? is your love for each other right? If not.. then thats not love. You deserve someone who can marry you.. Be happy by not making other peoples lives miserable. Think. Always think of the consequences of your actions.
If you can't dump him... well its not my problem..
stay with him and go to heLL!!!!
Just a piece of advice friend....
2006-07-12 03:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by len 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can try and wait for him and the offer of marrying you if you really love him. Even though you are very much in love with him, you should also contol yourself from being very dependent on him emotionally. I mean, you should also find ways to make yourself happy and don't just let him make you happy. Like for example, go shopping or buy something you've been wanting all the time. Just don't think that he is the only reason for your happiness.
May God bless you in whatever decision you make.:-)
2006-07-12 03:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by Aimee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life can not depend on him, however, since you believe it does, communication paves the way to all roads. Ask him what it he loves about you, figure out what you love about him, and make it work from there. Get a sense of humor, it works great in bad situations. If he has a commitment to accomplish beofre he marries you, then good for him, it shows that he doesnt quit in the middle of things. No matter what situation your in, theres always a bright side
2006-07-12 03:48:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is not a married person and suits your type take this opportunity and pray to God and ask for His guidence to marry him.
to live a few years happily with the right person in life is the greate achievement to every one.
but at the same time girl at your age may caught up in infatuation and share only the soft and beautiest part of life togather you wont fight, you wont argue and you wont do any stuff that hurts each other now
but it starts after marriage and you can't give up your self things fot the sake of loving him and living for him and vice versa
so think and do the things
age is not a big thing if you donot like him for sex only and if sex is not the prime thing in your life but love him from all corners of him please go ahead only if he is not married.
God bless you
2006-07-12 03:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is nothing, and if he is afraid of the difference make him understand it doesn't matter to you. He is probley thinking about 10 years from now how he will be and you will be and afraid that you will go searching elsewhere.
If he is married, then go your own way, you don't want to be the other person who destroys a family. And in doing that I don't think you both would ever be truly happy. Divorce comes with alot of baggage and it never gets lighter....
2006-07-12 03:49:21 · answer #9 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well so he wants to get married and you want to get married? what's the problem with that?.... your saying FADE-away.. as in he's trying to get away from you? if so, don't force him or make him feel sorry for you to gain affection. Force a feeling on somebody it's not gonna work out, that's sentimental manipulation and definitely not something that will last. Sometimes when a person helps you feel better about yourself you gain appreciation for this person, but appreciation and greatfulnes does not equal to love, don't confuse these feelings. It's like people who think they fall in love with their therapist. If he want's to pull away from you let him be.
On the other hand... if he wants to get married and you want to get married go for it. I've seen people that are married with that age difference and it's going great for them so don't make your age difference a big factor.
2006-07-12 03:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by G-gnomegrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are seriously in Love with him. But you also mentioned you are married to someone else. Does this someone else know about this Love affair? lf not then you should tell him you need to be open and honest in your marriage. lf you can't be open and honest in your marriage you shouldn't be married in the first place.You decide whether or not you still Love the man you are married to. If you decide you are not in Love with him divorce is your only solution. But it was not right to begin this affair for 3 years while you are still married to another man.Think about you marriage vow, for better or for worse, rich or for poor.A vow you both took before God.
After reading your additional details , you mentioned he is married but he wants you to find someone else.lt sound to me like he's playing a game with you behind his wifes back. lf he wants you to marry someone else he does not really Love you.He's playing a game.lt is not real Love, don't let him use you like this anymore.
2006-07-12 04:00:49 · answer #11 · answered by catsclaw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋