My wife and I have not had sex in over 13 months... What would you do if you were me.. Now keep in mind she just had a baby almost 3 months ago.. I have done everything that i can think of to make life easier for her and make her feel sexy. I have surprised her with romantic dinners without the kids.. I work 3rd shift but i have traveled without sleep to meet her and take her out. I am always telling her how sexy she is. I cook, i clean, I take care of the house and the kids as often as i can.. What now? OH and yes i have talked to her and she said give her time.. HOW MUCH?
2006-07-11 19:49:49 · 15 answers · asked by Jedday 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Community Service
to answer one question.. 13 minus 3 for my child would be 10 months the actual peroid of time for a pregnacy is 40 weeks which comes out to 13 months.. give or take a week.. the kid is mine I know that.. 100% DNA verified
2006-07-11 20:12:55 · update #1
Wow.
This is a tough one.
Every woman is different, but most women feel differently about sex after becoming "Mom." Most don't view sex the same way they did before they got pregnant, while the guy feels the same. (Many men feel even MORE into the sexual part of the relationship AFTER becoming fathers!)
Stay patient. Don't press. Make sure she knows you love AND respect her.
Perhaps the link below will help.
2006-07-11 20:29:29 · answer #1 · answered by J C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Man! This is a tough one. We've also had a child recently, and it does make things very difficult for the woman. However, you seem to be doing all you can for her, and there are always two people in a marriage.
I can recommend that you talk openly about what you're feeling, but also that you try to stay patient for a while longer. Putting pressure on her or giving her an ultimatum will not fill her with romantic thoughts...
It is also a really good idea to get a book by Willard F. Harley Jr. called 'His Needs, Her Needs'. It is extremely insightful (although it works with generalisations), and it enables a husband and a wife to work through each other's most important relational needs (no. 1 is sex for men). It really helped me to understand my wife better, and vice versa.
Hang in there. Don't do anything you'll regret later.
[Just read the other posts. No, she isn't getting it elsewhere, and no, it's not a missing 'spark'. It's nobody's fault. It's just biology - hormones. Women sometimes can be encouraged to fall in love with their children at the expense of their husbands, particularly women who watch Oprah, so just keep talking about it, and get that book.]
2006-07-12 03:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by zeropluslessthan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is not a put on, you have to be very naive. If you haven't had sex in over 13 months, how did she have a baby almost 3 months ago? You don't need to waste your time trying to make her feel sexy--someone else is doing that .
How much time to give her? The rest of her life. DUMP HER NOW and find a woman who will appreciate being treated right.
2006-07-12 03:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
13 months without sex with your wife is very very long. Regular sex with your partner builds a sense of security in both parties that cannot be duplicated any other way. People telling you that she is cheating on you is insane. A boy speaking from a boy's perspective instead of trying to understand the profound intricacies of a woman during and after pregnancy. The hormones can play real havoc with some women. In some cases, depending on episiotomy scars healing or C-section scars healing, sex can be painful or scary. Other issues could be a whole shift in body image. Is she breast feeding? (Her breasts used to be a source of pleasure for you both.....now they serve another purpose.) Did she sustain alot of stretch marks or gain alot of baby weight? Was she afraid of possibly losing the baby and therefore was afraid to initiate sex during the pregnancy? Its a huge milestone in a woman's life. I would suggest the intervention of a gynecologist or counselor of some type to help you two find each other again. If she is having issues, she may also feel like all you want out of her is sex, so you both need help in relearning each other again without fear, stress, and anxiety. I know its hard as a man to understand your woman, but your love for her is evident. Seek a third party to ease you through this, all will be well. Good luck!
2006-07-13 12:19:03 · answer #4 · answered by expertloghomegal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how was ur sex life prior to her pregnancy? if you had a healthy sex life before with her, the it is kind of unusual that ur not having sex with her now. 13 months is a looong time, way too long. if she has given birth 3 months ago, then, by this time it's already okay to have sex. irregardless that she is breastfeeding. i suggest that you have a long talk with her. make it a romantic and cajoling talk. then maybe later, something might happen. Good luck!!
2006-07-12 03:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there
If i were you i would take here out for a night out at a exclusive restaurant then go dancing for the rest of the night , then of home an the rest should be history, an i wouldn't let this happen again
Yours Sincerely Mike
2006-07-12 03:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by goody2shoes8034 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 months after a child isnt all that long. it may be 13 months for you but her body has been through hell recently. plus She is probably exhausted from lack of sleep. My son didnt start sleeping through the night till he was 4/12 months old. he is 7 now. My husband worked 3rd shift for 15 years and I understand how tired you are too. Your body never gets rest and you cant ever adjust to your days off so your always tired. so you are both sleep deprived right now. So you need to think that this will get easier and she will want you again. its a hard time in your relationship. but keep in mind that she may be still feeling unsure about her body. any weight gain and stretched skin. it can make women selfconscious. I think you might also consider post partum depression. her hormones are fluctuating something aweful right now. with depression it sometimes doesnt show. its just there, under the surface. self doubt. one minute happy the next sad for no good reason. I would ask her tenderly whats bothering her. tell her its important that you talk about it. perhaps if you can get her to talk she will feel better and closer to you. you can reassure her of your love and acceptance of her as she is. if you get needy and angry about it it will just make it harder to get close later. you obviously love her and she loves you. I talking and listening without getting angry is the only way to help her. try not to judge her if you can. I know you have a right. but try to keep that loving attitude and know that it wont be forever. Its hard without sex. perhaps if she is uncomfortable with her body you can just touch eachother. not necessarily full on sex. just loving touch. If you can get her to talk to y ou about it and tell her it would help you to get through it if she was more intimate perhaps you can compromise. There is more than one way to skin a cat as they say.
It reminds me of a joke. a man and his wife are in bed and he rolls over to her and starts to get frisky. she says I cant have sex tonight. I have an appointment with my gynocologist in the morning... he stops and thinks then turns to her and says.... do you have an appointment with your dentist too?
The point is that if you can help her feel better. she will help you feel better. thats how it works. now if your child 1 or 2 years old I would say get counseling, and you may still want to. sometimes it helps to have someone as a go between to help you guys get through the rough spots. but with our without counseling, tell her that she is loved no matter what. take it slow and dont get pissed if she isnt ready. she will be eventually. check out this website on post partum depression. I dont know if she has any of the other symptoms but it might help you to know if this is what you are dealing with or not. Good luck.
2006-07-12 07:08:03 · answer #7 · answered by lady_effie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long is to long not to have sex with your wife?
It's been too long when you have to ask this question.
Just listen to her and give her time. Maybe she feels like it's not something that is so important right now. If you've talked to her, than she is aware of your needs. But you need to be aware of her needs. How much time do you need to give her? As much time as it takes for her to get over what's wrong.
2006-07-12 02:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by Ynot 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
24 years.
2006-07-12 02:53:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it's been that long, she is cheating on you. It's reality. Sorry. There is no woman alive that can go very long without sex. It's not possible. If she's not doing it with you, she is doing it with someone else. I am sorry.
2006-07-12 03:37:58 · answer #10 · answered by spudric13 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋