Would it be wrong of me just to wash my hands clean of my family? My mom and I are always fighting, she has been a drug addict since I was young and she claims she's trying to get clean. My sister fakes injuries for attention (even going as far as making the injury very real and sometimes costly) and my dad hates my husband and has no respect for me. I mean I know other people don't have a relationship with their parents anymore, but it makes me feel guilty for feeling this way. When I was just starting out they helped me here and there with some cash and they keep rubbing that in my face when they need something. But, it would be nice to just be rid of their nonsense. What would you do? (taking in mind I have two small children that might one day want a relationship with their grandparents and aunt)
2006-07-11 19:16:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Walking away from your family is a very difficult thing to do. Especially when there are children involved. You seem to have alot of reasons for wanting to do this, and having an addict for a parent is a very good one. Have you talked with a councillor? You may feel that walking away would fix everything and in some cases it may be the only option, but as the saying goes, You can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself. Maybe the changes you could make are of the expectations you have for your family members. You can distance yourself, but not have them completely out of your life. maybe maintain minimal contact. There are options, but I would speak with a professional. Maybe the damage that they are doing to your self esteem is just not worth the relationship. What will keep you and your children healthy?
2006-07-11 19:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by eeyoreshunni 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Family, no matter how screwed up they are will always be there for you when no one else is, so I definitely wouldn't burn the bridge. You are an adult now and you have your own family to think about. There's nothing wrong with distancing your self a little. On Holidays, you can tell them that you and your family are starting your own traditions, etc. Keep your kids busy so that there's a legitimate reason they can;t spend the weekend at Grandma's. Bottom line you have to do what you feel is best for your family, even if that means cutting back (not cutting out) the time they spend with people who could be poor role models.
2006-07-12 02:30:50 · answer #2 · answered by mg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand how you feel. However, for the best intrest of your children, if your mom is a drug addict, it would be wise to keep your children away from them. Start now to explain why they can't go to granma and grandpa's house. It won't make sense, however, if you talk to them now, they'll understand later. And this will also be a good time to speak to them about drugs. Amd as far as them rubbing it in your face about the cash, did you pay them back? If you did, I would break all ties with them.
If you want to know my story, you can e-mail me @ darkamiyetlovelysongofsongs1_5@yahoo.com I will be glad to explain what my situation was.
Have a good day
2006-07-12 02:25:38 · answer #3 · answered by darkamiyetlovelysongofsongs1_5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some times it's necessary to just say enough is enough! I haven't seen or spoken to my parents in about 6 years. They drove me to the point where I wanted to kill myself. When I was pregnant not just with my first child, but the two following after that, my mom told me to abort, by the way I was married and hadn't lived at home since I was 17, had my first child at 18. Everything I did was wrong. I paid my own bills and never asked her for nothing.
I couldn't be happier! Yes, there are times I wish they were in my life and at times I feel guilty, they are my parents after all.It's a hard decision to make and I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-07-12 02:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't cause they are both dead. enjoy them now, they will not be around forever, and when they are gone you will wish you had done things differently.but if you hang in and kiss thier butts a little while longer, you may be rewarded after they are gone with an inheritence.if they don't already have some talk to them about life insurance for them.it will look like you care but it will pay off when they kick the bucket.by the way can i interest you in some very affordable insurance packages. just kidding.hope this helps
2006-07-12 02:30:12 · answer #5 · answered by curtismarsch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try just toning it down to minimal contact. See them just once/twice a month or restrict it purely to phone calls/emails. This should help you decide if you could handle not seeing them and show you how your life would be. Tell them what you are doing is because of the unnecessary stress they are putting on you and tell them that you don't want your children to grow up resenting them for their behavior. My grandfather is an alcoholic and i grew up hating him for what he put my family through. Even he moved away i realized that i loved him anyway and we have since built bridges and are close. Either way you love your family but you want to love them for them not out of obligation. I fully understand this. Good luck
2006-07-12 02:27:53 · answer #6 · answered by nkate14 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe keep a distance, but not totally "wash your hands clean of them". Family is still family, theres nothing stronger than bloodties. You can get yourslef better without totally cutting them out your life. Easier said than done, but if i were in your shoe i would feel guilty if i just left them behind and never look back.
2006-07-12 02:22:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I havent talked to my family in over a yr. I tried to reason with them for yrs and figure out why it was they acted as they do towards me. I was beat as a child and was also told I was unloved by my dad. I told all my family how I felt about them and them not being ( what I call family ) and they didnt seem to care. My mom helped me alittle a few times also but I have also done more for her in my life as far as favors and fixing things there shouldnt be any complaining on who did more for whom. But she seems to think I owe her for the little help she gave ( $$ ) and I never repaid her so she says. I say cut them lose and if the kids want to see thme in later yrs leave that up to you and your hubby. You know whats best for them and thats why your parents
2006-07-12 02:26:59 · answer #8 · answered by bill j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must decide if your relationship with them is hurting you more than it is beneficial. If so, you are better off without them.
2006-07-12 02:22:11 · answer #9 · answered by judy_r8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you might do well to look into some kind of counseling group. look up Codependents Anonymous in google.
2006-07-12 05:01:31 · answer #10 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋