I have a family problem and I need help!!!!!???

Question

This is the problem...my mom is a alcholic and she wont get help. She is out of control when she is drunk..she calls me names...calls and harrasses me when I wont take her to the store...(4 more liquour)...she badmouthed me and my boyfriend after she barged in my apartment...and today she broke my window when I wouldnt answer my door. This has been going on for years and I'm tired of it..I at the point where I want to move out of the state. But that means leaving my little brother. So my question is what should I do? How can I deal with this? I do need advice on this...I'm ready to change my number to escape from this.:-( I dont want to hate my mother but my feelings are getting ready to get there.

Answer 1

I know this is really hurting you. i too had an alcoholic parent and it can destroy so many lives. You have to talk with your mother and let her know you love her, but you are not going to be an enabler for her anymore. You need to make it clear to her there will be no more trips to the liquour store for her and make it clear also that if she does anymore damage to your property you will contact the authorities. I know this may sound harsh, but one thing i have learned is alcoholics are big manipulators and they will run all over you if the are allowed to. Do not allow her to make you feel quilty about any of this. Let her know if she does not go and get the help she needs to become clean and sober, then you and her will have to keep your distances because it is causing too much stress and heartache for all involved. If she agrees to go for help by all means support her in her efforts, but do not back down when it comes to her drinking and disrupting others lives. The hardest thing to do is watch a parent destroy their lives, but it's even harder watching the innocent people around them also being desroyed. It's hard not to build up hateful feelings towards them because they can be so nasty and abusive when they are drunk, but remember alcoholism is an illness and no matter what don't allow hate to come in your heart for her. I found myself hating my father for a long time, then when i finally found the inner peace to be able to sit in the same room with him and have a decent conversation he was dead three weeks later and the guilt of hating him tore me up inside. Love her , but stand firm. She has to want to get the help and sober up. It is not your fault she has a problem, but you have the right to a peacful life. Make your stand today and stick with it. Make it clear it's because you love her that you aren't going to watch her destroy herself any longer. I will pray for all of you sweetie and my heart is with you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you are going through that. It is a very hard situation to be faced with, especially since you have been going through it for some time. It is so hard to persuade people to get the help they need. Sweetie, you are going to have to use "tough love" to help your mother. It will do you no good to leave her. Believe it or not, she needs you more than your little brother. Whenever she does anything illegal, such as breaking in your home, breaking your window, etc., it would be a good idea to call the cops. Now, I understand if you may be a little apprehensive, but this would be the first step in her recovery. Currently, she feels that she can get by with mistreating you and violating your property. You can't control what people do to you, but you can control how you respond. You do not deserve to live your life in fear of your mom. I know that you really love her and I admire your patience, but you cannot do this alone. God Bless You!

Answer 3

Simple
Tell her to stop doing what she is doing or face the consequences. By that i mean that there must be something u can do to kind of punish her back. For example, say she comes to you to buy booze and starts screaming, tell her that you only have the money to buy one bottle and ony if she stops screaming. If she stops, get her ONE bottle and no more. If she doesnt, dont. Whatever might happen, be obstinate and dont. If she breaks ur window, tell her calmly that if she does that again, ull call the police. If she does, CALL THE POLICE. When u say something, make sure u stick by it.

Be calm and composed, such a person is always in control and thinks clearly. Your word should be like ur stamp. What u say u do. Remember, u have money, u know more than her, and the person who has more information and money is always in a position to take control.

make her understand that ur actions depend on her behaviour. she's good ur good, she's bad, ur bad.

What u must not do is go back on ur word. Thats a complete no no. If u say i wont help u mom if u do that again, and she breaks ur glass so u go n buy her a drink is accepting failure.

its going to be tough cos she is used to controlling u thru her antics, but u gotta wait, stay firm and finally u'll break thru her and make her understand she can't bully u into buying her drinks.

Answer 4

Dealing with a alcoholic parent is very difficult as my father was one for all of my life but he unfortunately is still my father. My concern though is your brother. If he is under 18 you should take her to court for custody and maybe she will see what her drinking has done to her family. The worst part of this all is you can't seek help for a person like this because it becomes a reoccurring situation. Your mom would have to want to get help before anyone can help her. Here is a idea that I tried before, video tape a couple of her episodes and play it for her when she is sober and force her to see first hand what she has become and the behavior she displays. Once she see this and still don't decide to change then you take your brother and move and don't contact her, show her what tough love is all about because sometimes a person have to hit rock bottom before they can see the error of their ways. I wish you and your brother all the luck in the world but be strong and stand firm in what you decide.

Answer 5

Your mom needs help clearly. I wouldn't move outta the state to leave her. Your mom has been there for you since you were born. she unfortunately left her job (which is taking care of you) and focussed on her other job which is being an alcoholic. Yo have to understand that alcoholism is a disease! It's something she didn't choose ...and now she is sucked up into the negative drinking aspect of it. Is ther something that happenned to her years ago to make her become this way?

Your mom should not be breaking anything of yours whether it be a window or something as insignifigant as a piece of paper when she is sober or drunk.

You can get a court order to force her into rehab and I suggest you take documentation and/ or if she doesn't mind do a video cam and possibly show her how she acts when she is intoxicated......if you want to talk to me more about this ..i can definately help you.

Answer 6

do you want a wide family individuals? I by no potential needed a wide family individuals, I easily have 4 children and that i'm getting reactions from some human beings like i had 14! lol that's astonishing what some human beings evaluate "wide". How large is 'adequate'? for me...3 became adequate, yet one snuck in there...LOL he's attractive although so i imagine we are going to keep 'em. What ought to i call them? properly..they *are* named Kyle David, Brandon JonGuard, Delaney Josephine and Hayden Ronald. they're named for family individuals. purely idea i ought to upload...i swore i ought to by no potential force a mini van too, yet there is not any way that 4 children will fit in an SUV conveniently esp once you're coping with booster chairs. and besides, mini autos are a helluva lot safer than SUVs...my children safe practices is extra significant than my conceitedness. and that i fairly dislike the coverage charges on SUVs besides. I rock my minivan LOL (that's no longer undesirable searching both a 2004 Nissan Quest V6), unwell be upgrading in 2010 although :) both oldest are youngster and tween so momma receives her relaxing wheels in a three hundred and sixty 5 days.

Answer 7

No Never Hate your mother. She is the reason you are here..Love Her and call the cops when she goes off and tell them the problem..Tell them you wont to help her get some help for her drinking and instead of jail the judge should send her to rehab.Take care of your little brother till she gets well..

Answer 8

It does sound like she's out of control. At this point, since she's causing property damage, you may have to involve the police. You may not be able to MAKE her go to get help, but a judge can.

Answer 9

have you tired talking to her but like a serious talk about how u feel if that didnt work then you should get videos that talk about alcoholics and let her watch them so she could think about whats going to happened to her and if that doesnt work you really need to get her help before she does anything dangerous u can also go to he internet & look for rpograms that she can go in or talk to someone professional like a counselor..hope that helped a lil if not sorry but but i wish very much luck god bless u and ure brother and mother

Answer 10

try to get a job. then move to a new location and dont give her the address. then slowly take your brother to stay with you.also make a 'gd' against your mom in the police station. this means to take action against someone you are scared of. so if anything happens they will know the suspect. if you contact child support, they will take your brother away to a foster home.get a job and take care of him yourself.