Should your childs first birthday be a huge party or a small get together of immediate family?

Question

My son first birthday is next month. His father can not be here (Army) and everyone is pressuring me to have a huge family get together. We are talking cousins uncles grandmothers, all of them. I know they mean well but my son is just not a social baby. He crys when around unfamiliar things. Should I give in and have a huge party or stick to my gut and do a small at home immediate family thing? Oh also if you have any suggestions for themes and what not I am open.........

Answer 1

small get together

Answer 2

I'd have a small get together of immediate family. Your son is only one, and he's going to have no idea what's going on. If he's not really social, like you say, having everyone and their brother there, and him being passed around to aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. that he hasn't seen in a long time (or has possibly never seen!) like a football is just going to make him miserable, and everyone else miserable because they're going to have to listen to a crying, unhappy baby. I'd stick with immediate family only...if the weather's nice, maybe go to a park and have a bbq, or stay home and order a few pizzas or whatnot.

As for the themes...I'd go plain. I'm sure at this point, your baby probably doesn't know who Blue, Thomas, or Bob the Builder are, so save your $$ and buy plain, solid color party plates, hats, napkins, etc. It'll still be colorful and festive, but at a fraction of the price!

Answer 3

my daughter is extremely outgoing & social. Has been since she was born practically. So we had a HUGE b-day at the park. But if she was a baby that didn't really like unfamiliar stuff & wasn't real social in those situations, then why waste the time & money so you can watch your child cry for a few hours & a bunch of people sit around tyring to talk to him which makes him hysterical , so you can hold him the whole time & no one gets to see him anyway. Guess what I'm saying is, have a small party, you know you want to & that's what your comfortable with. Just make up your mind, be firm & tell these people. Besides, we had a huge party, but our daughter will never remember it. That party was more for us just to have a big party, not her.

Answer 4

When is your first birthday that you even remember? It certainly wasn't when you turned one.

Don't let family pressure you to do things you don't want to. Tell them that's not what you've chosen to do, but thanks for the input. If you hear another word, just smile, look whover it is in the eye and say, "I'll be making my own decisions, but THANK YOU for the input."

You are obviously young (not immature, just new to this kind of family political stuff surrounding your motherhood). Family may mean well and big extended families can be wonderful, but if you have family that "pressures" you with "suggestions" that you don't want to follow, nip that in the bud NOW or it will last for the next 40 years on all kinds of topics.

People will recover from you being rude over time, but you will not enjoy that big family very much if you're the weakest link everyone else thinks they need to guide and help until you're elderly.

You're no dummy. This is not about a party; it's about you being licensed to make your own decisions when your guy is away. Set precidence on this one; make it loud and clear. Don't just not have a big party -- don't have any party and don't let anyone -- not a mother/sister-in-law, a cousin, grandmother or your own mother get a full sentence of complaint out of their mouths without cutting them off short. This will make you look like a bit of a jerk, but it will also insure that you're not dealing with stupid stuff like this for the rest of your life.

You are GROWN and with a child of your own. You don't get told what to do any more and the people that just don't think you're ready to be a mom are not your loving helpers, but those who disrespect you and your capabilities the most or they'd just assume any decision you made must be for a good reason. When people respect you, they presume the best; they assume you must know what you're doing so they don't try pushing you to do differently.

Look at the decision that you're contemplating -- something that your baby would be afraid of. You're being a good mom; you've thought about it, decided what's best for your baby and that's that. It's over. Will they be telling you what college to send him to? What you should let him wear? Making you look like an idiot in front of him when they publicly disagree with decisions you make concerning him? YOU are the mommy. Tell everyone else to kiss your mf *** and like it and if you lose some of them, you can be sure that you're also being an example for someone maybe younger in the same family dealing with the same junk.

YOU are the mommy and no one else. Do what is best as a mommy, not a daughter-in-law, daughter or cousin. Be the mommy. You are qualified.

Daniel Blasco
iPowerGRFX Website Designers
http://www.ipowergrfx.com
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http://www.publicadjuster.com

Answer 5

No, the large party is not necessary. This should be about the child, not the family. The big party should be saved for a birthday that the child will be old enough to enjoy himself. The only thing this party would be is an excuse for the adults to eat and trash your home and skip the clean up. Give that baby a small cake for him to dig in and a separate one for the immediate family.

Answer 6

No. Keep it small. It sounds like your family are using your son's birthday as an excuse to have a party and with adults comes alcohol and a particularly late night.

Lets be honest, your son will never remember his first party.

Invite your parents and maybe grandparents and keep it small but fun.

You don't need a theme for a one year old. Just make sure he enjoys the day, which I'm sure he will no matter how many people are there.

I know he may not have 'friends' at that age, but if you have girlfriends with young children then you could invite them.

Answer 7

Well Blond Mama - I would invite the people who have been around most often to see the baby, such as parents, your sisters, brothers .... the ones who've been there often enough the baby is used to them.

As for themes, did you use a special theme for the baby shower or birth announcement? It's okay to use that one for the first birthday.

Well before my sons 1st birthday, I started practising with a candle, to teach him to blow it out. I always felt uncomfortable with birthdays where the baby did not know what to do with the candle while the parents made silly faces at them and then no one was happy when the candle wasn't blown out. . . but that could just be one of my quirks. Also remember fire safety!

The gathering size is still your choice but I would keep it small and have finger food available before the cake for some socialising and then when the baby gets tired, it's a good excuse to reclaim the house. :-)

Answer 8

Just like you would follow your gut instinct when your son meets a stranger, on wither or not you would hand him over to them or not...you should feel comfortable in following your gut instinct with this as well.
If you know that your child is not okay with large gatherings, then I would suggest to keep it small, short and simple...
The rest of the family can stop by and visit another day, this is his day and should have fun and be comfortable.
With my oldest boy, we had a blues clues cake, candies, and gifts it was a small gathering...He had fun opening the gifts and he started going around the room and handing out candies so that everyone got some...it was cute.
I also did one birthday, where I had a photo of him put on the cake....pooh is good, also a car cake or some kind of toys that he is into....
believe me when I say this, my oldest first birthday, in the end he was more happy with the boxes and the wrappers then with any of the toys that he got...but he now to this day won't give them up for anything. lol

Answer 9

If your baby is not a social baby, don't feel pressured to put him (and yourself) into a situation you wouldn't be comfortable with. Family means well and only want to celebrate the joyous occasion of your son's birth, but they aren't there every day and don't have to deal with your son when he's upset or frightened. You know what is best for your son. Just let them know that you are saving a celebration for later, when your son can enjoy it more. Take lots of pictures and offer to share them with your family, either through cards or an email or website. You don't owe them a big party or an explaination, but you might offer to celebrate the milestones and occasions as one big party when your son's father returns from the Army.

Answer 10

Well I'm only 17, I don't have a child but if I did for my childs first b-day i would have a big get together with all off the family so they can all see the baby. Considering that your husband is in the army id say the family would like to have a get together anyways but i cant speak for your family:P hope this was a lil help

Answer 11

Having a big party is great but with that is time and money if u have time and money to do a big party then go a head and do it 1 st birthday partys are great if u have a big family! I have a big family and we had it outside but i had everything tables ,chairs,tents and so much more!! but then u have to think on food,chairs,tables,drinks,and the stuff u need for the big party. If u want to have a small party invite the people that mean the most to you your mom your dad grandma cousins and aunts and uncles. Do not invite people from work or nothing like that if you are going to have a small party if u have small then u can go due it at your house so u do not have to worrie about kids being bored but if u have a big party u have to think what are the kids going to do? the older ones? so yeah its hard but if u going to have a big party then plan it now!!!