she is in a "hitting" mold where she wants to hit her mom and is now whining for things. I try to discipline by telling her NO and holding her hands down. I know this just may be a passing phase, but is worrying me as older sister who is 11 years old treats mother badly and maybe the 2 year old sees that. Any help or suggestions?
2006-07-11 17:03:55 · 37 answers · asked by mnbernier@sbcglobal.net 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
That's why it's called the terrible two's
2006-07-11 17:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by The Hit Man 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You need to reprase your question. You say your daughter is 2 years old but your elder sister is 11 years old. So are you about 8 and what are you doing with a baby?
I will answer the question, but wanted you to see the frame of it.
AAAh the wonderful years of two's have sent many parents to the wonderful funny farm and given more than an occasional person a gray hair or two.
I love children from birth (except fot the nasty diapers) to 5 years old (when they really find out how to tell mommy where to go).
She is hitting mom becuase she see's it done. Remeber the old saying 'monkey see, monkey do'. They learn a lot by watching. You got to remember these years are the years that her whole life will be a foundation for.
In order to nip her problem in the bud the other problem must be stopped too. A sibbling can't affectively stop it, but mommy can crack the whip and make it stop. At 11 it will be harder than the 2 year old and you may need cousiling at this age. You asked about the two year old so here goes.
Only the mommy can crack the whip and only in a way that the message becomes clear and mommy does not become the abuser. As a sister you can let her see how much it hurts you and if you are the mommy you can do the same thing. Words at 2 are not enough, actions speak.
When my children whinned, I stoped what I was doing and I whined with them. It would get so bad with each of us trying to whine the loudest my husband would go out for a walk. It became a contest between us.
A week went by and when they would pucker I would start to pucker and then they would act indigant and leave the room. Most of the time in a huff. Two weeks went by and my son came to me and said, "Mommy I don't like you whine."
"Why, I asked."
He shrugged and that was the end of that.
Yea, your thinking that childish. But aren't you dealing with a child? You expect the child to understand adult words that they have no idea what the meaning is. THIS IS A child, they think like a child and they act like a child - because they are a CHILD!
As far as hitting goes, they hit me and I would tap them with my two middle fingers back and they were startled. Eventually it ended.
Children will see what they can and can't get away with. You are the testing ground. You don't need to be abusive, no need to be the bully or become the frightful parent that they are scared to death of.
Love conquers all and if that is not enough that a bit of competion may be in order. May the best parent win and by means the child must never win their way in any behavorial problem!
2006-07-11 17:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by north_westner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those that say to ignore the 2-year-old's hitting and work on disciplining the 11-year old are absolutely correct. Ignore means ignore - turn around, walk away, don't respond. I don't mean for a long time - just a few moments. She is only 2, after all.
Spanking? What on earth is the point of saying "Don't hit!" accompanied by hitting? It is totally illogical. Children learn by modeling (as your 2 year old might be modeling the 11 year old), and hitting only teaches a child that it's OK to hit... but only if you're bigger and stronger than the person you're hitting! Not what we want to teach our kids, is it?
As for the 11 year old, make sure she knows what's acceptable behavior and what's not, and make sure she knows the consequences of unacceptable behavior, and take away privileges/give extra chores when she behaves badly. Do little nice things for her when she's good.
BTW I'm not so sure the little one is modeling the older one's behavior; she sounds like a pretty normal 2-year-old!
2006-07-11 17:38:33 · answer #3 · answered by B D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can engage your 11 year old to help (which just may help her as well) Ask 11 year old if she would mind in helping you teach baby sister not to hit..Remind her that other children her age may hit her harder and hurt her...........Holding down her hands will not help. It will make it worse....Tell her no. Then do the count to three syndrome, then if that doesn't work slap her hand(lightly) but say firmly I SAID NO.......Look her in the eye and tell he why she can't do whatever it is at the time...It will just be a daily thing over and over..Have 11 year old help and distract her to do something else..over time she will know what NO means
You can'
t let 11 year old get the best of you either....A tough age in growing up, very rebelous, know it all (she can't help it) hormones are starting to take over. She'll be moody a lot.
With her you may want t do one-on-one things with her. And always praise her if you ask her do do something with please and thank you, etc. ...Patience is a virtue. And if you are able to , try playing card games, or let her do your hair. do dishes together.You'll be surprised how much talking you two will do.Take a walk together after supper each night if you can
2006-07-11 17:14:58 · answer #4 · answered by mom of a boy and girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first the 11 year old start taking things away from her, if she likes video games take the controllers and tell her she can earn them back with respect toward mom, if she likes the PC take the mouse, if music hide the speakers, I think you will get my point..
the 2 year old is not too old for a time out by a small chair and pick a corner when she acts up place her in the chair 1 minute per age and then crouch down to her leave and tell her why you put her there and ask for her to say sorry, if she gets up then you put her back there until she sits for 2 minutes straight it will be a struggle but she will get the point that you mean business
The 11 year old needs one on one time with mom as well I would suggest 1 day a week time to be set aside just for her I saw on nanny 911 you can get her a box for her to write down her feelings and take time to talk it out with her but the box will work if she is given freedom to express her feelings without punishment
2006-07-11 17:30:32 · answer #5 · answered by twistedsingle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never hit back is Number One; This is just re-enforcing negative behavior. Two, make your daughter use her words to tell you what she wants; whether it's "juice" or "cracker." Be calm, get to her eye level and talk to her as you would another adult, but with short, concise sentances. It's hard and seems silly, but can work. If she still insists on hitting, tell your daughter that by her hitting you, she's hurting your feelings and her behavior is unacceptable and put her into a time-out that is not in her bedroom for about two minutes or until she's calm. Be consistent and stay as calm as possible throughout the "tantrum."
She can definitely feel the bad vibes going between you and your pre-teen. Problems with this age too can be very difficult. If you and your older daughter need to "discuss" or better yet, "fight" about something, make sure that you move it into another room where your youngest cannot see or hear you. Good luck and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. No one is a perfect mother as hard as we all may try and everyone has different parenting problems in different areas.
2006-07-11 17:19:38 · answer #6 · answered by superrix83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could just be a phase for the 2 year old. Many children do this...and they do it to mom because they know she loves them no matter what they do. She's testing her.
My daughter did this...but at a much younger age. When she would hit me...I would put her down and walk away. She got the point.
OH...we tried the same things you are trying and that didn't work....it just reinforced it because she was receiving attention.
The 11 year old is another story. You need to deal with that and put a stop to it. Why would you let your child treat you badly?
2006-07-11 17:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, not enouph respect in the household.The 11 year old is at the age to where she thinks she is all that and better than everybody.The two year old is making her own habit now off of her sises habit.Bad deal!!!
You may say you correct your kids but there is not enouph of that.Limit there freedom of things they like the best.EVERYTHING!!!!!You must be very strict, mainly on the 11 year old. Nothing should be tolirated, dont let her answer back to you, be sassy, or answer in grown-up conversations.A good hard slap would do the trick and severe punishment.Like a month long.This you must keep going steady.It can be a day off that punishment and if she does one tiny thing wrong go through the whole routine again.The smaller one does not need all this because please remember she is only two.When she is about 5 start the same routine with her.God has given them to you for you to raise him under his name.Study the prophecies of the bible and the endtimes.Life will only get harder these days.Your kid's life is at risk.If they do not learn respect the will always look up to others for things they need to work for when they are grown up.They will always walk over you.teach them about god, your too light stricted on your kids.read the bible and see how strict things should be.Most strict on girls and women.pray to god he can help you to.Trust my advice,get a relationship with god for your children.If you ever have any other questions about any thing,i am here, dont hesitate, but email me with your questions at codyjoe1992@yahoo.com!!! (TELL people about me.) I promise to give good advise. (FOR GOD'S KINGDOM IS AT HAND!)
2006-07-11 18:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by Cody Joe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my experience with 2 yr olds is that this is a phase she is going through and she will outgrow it. But you still need to let her know that what she is doing is wrong, by maybe giving her a time out, or taking a special toy from her for a small period of time. And it sounds to me like the 11 yr old needs alittle more discipline as well.
2006-07-11 17:17:49 · answer #9 · answered by sassy_girl200501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, get the 11 year old under control. You are exactly right, the 2 year old is learning from big sis, and she is learning that mom has no authority. While she may try with the 2 year old, until she controls the other, she will always fight a losing battle.
2006-07-11 17:07:43 · answer #10 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to control your 11 year old. She is not too old for time outs. As for the little one, try giving her a time out for 1min 30 seconds. Use a playpen if possible to keep her contained. Let her know, if you hit, you will have time out. As for the whining, tell her that is not how she asks for things. Tell her you will give it to her when she asks you right. You can even tell her what to say, since her language is still developing. For my son, it is something like "drink please". When my son starts whining, I just say, how do we ask for it? If he seems stuck for words, I give some help. Eventually, you will have no more whining.
2006-07-11 17:25:18 · answer #11 · answered by seatonrsp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋