My parents, try to tell me what to do!?

Question

Both my parents do not let me live my own life, they are always tryin to tell me where i can go or where i can and cannot stay.
I know they are only trying to look out for me, but i am not 19 years old nearly 20 and it is starting to really annoy me, i never got into alot of trouble when i was younger, nothin at all really, and i dont see there REAL reason behind it, i'm starting to want to move out of the house, cause it feel like i cant do anything, they tell me i can't go clubbin till all hours, or that i aint going out at all, i don't know how to exactly tell them to just shut up and let me live my life!

I don't do drugs... if that answers the crackhouse, and i have a fulltime job... its just them tryin to control my life!!!

Sorry i noticed in some peoples answer, you are tellin me to get a job, and cook, clean wash my clothes, Sorry i am what well brought up girl should be like, i do all that stuff myself, i dont expect my parents to pay for anything, I give my parents everything i can give them and as for respect, they could not ask for anymore of that off me, i give them respect, i believe it is more the fact they are tryin to stop me makin mistakes, instead of letting me learn from them!

dgrkar2002
I think you don't know me, lol, fair enough your kid called you before and after work, alot of people do that.

I have a conversation with my mum every nite tell her what i did and what i didn't do, And on the whole grow up issue, i grew up pretty quick as a kid, its called maturein too fast i believe.

I drive my parent's where they want to go, i do stuff around the house, i look after the younger kids for them i take my turn in everything, so i think i am givin my parents respect and not dissin them or anything like that, i love both my parents and they have brought me up very well, but its time for them to let me learn things on my own and not always protecting me, everyone has to learn from their own mistakes, if my parents was to decide everything i did, what would i do if they where not here tomorrow? kill myself?, cause that would be the only thing to do, as i would not know how to run my own life? thats my point, nothin to do with respect!

Answer 1

Hi this is dev i would like to suggesty u somthing if u follow this. Listen u are young enough and u think that u know what is right or wrong for you. Its quite ok but think a little ur parents must be doubble to ur age by now they have been expereneced lot of things their life and they are now ur enimy , They want to see u a happy child .. Just share with ur mother what u feel alike.. U want to make friends thats not a problem, the problem is with others who may cheat you.I can understand ur mantle status u want to be out , strolling out with friends and want make to lot of fun ..everyone think so ..Make ur career first..I am assure when u will complete ur graduation level u will see the things very clearly .Then u can do whatever u want to do. And by then ur parents would'nt mind any thing. Please do think deeply from ur heart. Its ok u want to enjoy bcause all ur friends must be enjoying their freedom, but ask ur soul does they are doing right things in life.. If u will think honestly u will find the true answer. Friend this age is realy wonderfull and it does not come again. But if u will do anything wrong in this stage u will have guilty all ur life after some time later. And ask from ur self why do u want freedom, just think if ur doing something right u need not to worry even from ur parents..Remamber one thing" if u r doing something that u can't tell ur parents , Something is going wrong and u will realize it soon. Just recall ur previous any event which u hav'nt tell ur mom and think now was it right at that time.
In brief i would suggest u be carefull u r precious to ur parents and ofcourse for urself also.. Let the dignity of urself and ur parents..They always love u . U will find a suitable friend in ur life but wait and choose ur right way. If anytime u will loose confidence of ur parents u will loose everything ,Remember Parents are not fool they have been young at their past ,, so they know the feelings fo ur age,, the difference is that they want to be safe by their means.. .
I am always here for ur help.. Don't think i am a rude Dad of anyone I am still single but iwill feel great if u can understand whatever i suggested u, U can contect me at [e-mail]
Thanx

Answer 2

I think that in a way you have answered your own question. You say your parents are protective. That means they are afraid for you to go out into the world, when you go out into the world, they are having to think, perhaps, about how they will be without you. You do sound like a young person who has taken family loyalty very seriously. Many would just do it anyway. How about just doing some compromising, in other words, teach your parents just how adult you are, an idea would be to compromise over a time in and be early! Don't be the worse for wear when you come in and build trust! Then go on from there! Your parents house rules are their own, they do have a right to them, and it may be for other reasons, safety, health, sleep needs, fear of the house being insecure etc. Keep in touch with them by text and phone. You sound like a brilliant and thoughtful young person, just needing to have a chance to learn to compromise. Is there another relative you can utilise to give you a bit of a boost with your parents? Sometimes when talking ends in a row, writing down how you feel first, practising it, and then saying it can help. Who do you admire? How would they deal with it? What would you advise a friend to do? Good luck, you are going to do well!

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but your not going to like what I say here but it is the truth any way you want to look at it. You are disrespecting the heck out of your parents right now. My own daughter lived with me until she was 22, never once did she act toward me the way you are acting toward your parents. She had a job and had your own car as well. She never "told" me what she was going to do either, she did not come and go as she pleased. She helped me out around the house doing the chores. She would ask me if she could go to town. She would call me once she got to work and when she got off work she would call and let me know that she was on her way home, or if she wanted to go some where after work before she got home, she would ask me if it was ok. She did not ever get mouthie with me either. You seem to not be grown up yet, you sure don't have any respect for your parents that is for sure. The way it was with my daughter, as long as you live in my house, you will follow the house rules. She was doing all this stuff before she turned 18, and even after she turned 18 untill the day she moved out at the age of 22, she done this all the time. And still to this day, even though she does not live with me, she still calls me all the time and letting me know that she is on her way to work and calls me when she goes on breaks and calls when she is leaving work on her way home and when she gets home.
The problem is simple, you just need to grow up, these people are your parents, and you need to treat them with respect!

Answer 4

If you are still living with your parents then you need to show them some RESPECT. How about thinking about them up worrying half the night if you are ok when you don't come home or you banging and stumbling at 3 am and waking them up when they have to to get up to go to work the next morning to put food in your stomach, clothes on you back and a roof over your head?

If you think you are all "grown up" and so responsible and able to make your own decisions and run your own life then DO IT and stop living with them.

Get off your ***, get a job, get an apartment, do your own grocery shopping and cooking and laundry and pay your own bills.

THAT'S when you get to run your own life....when you can be financially responsible for it.

If you were my kid I'd kick your *** out and teach you a lesson, you sound very ungrateful to me.

Answer 5

Their house, their rules. However, if you are being a big contributor by helping out like you say you are, then you need to show them your maturity by asking them for a sit down meeting and calmly explaining to them that you would like a little bit more leeway considering you are a legal adult, etc. It still comes down to though, you need to remember you are a role model to the younger kids, and your parents may want you to follow certain house rules such as chores and curfews to set a good example for the others. Just ask them for a compromise on the issues that are happening.

My parents set similar rules for me-I am 9 years older than my brother, 12 years older than my sister, and they expected me to come in at a decent hour so I was not waking up the whole family. It is about respecting those you live with.

Answer 6

The reason they don't want you to "go clubbin till all hours" is because they worry about you and just want a little consideration from you. Would it hurt to give them a quick phone call to let them know you're ok? If you want them to let you live your life then get your own life and move out. You have a full time job, you should be able to afford to move. But even then, you're parents will always worry about you. That's because they love you.

Answer 7

My mum only ever had one rule and that was "as long as you live under MY roof, you will do as I say". I moved out at 19 and then back home at 20 and i had to be home by 10pm! If i wante to stay out later (which i nearly always did) I would stay over my friends house or, later on, at my boyfriends. I think it was because she was trying to keep me safe but in the end i rebelled even further the other way and nearly got myself raped!!! I think you need to sit down and speak to your parents and come to a comromise. Tell them that you will still help out with the little ones and around the house but you need your own freedom. Tell them that you don't want to go out every night but at the weekends perhaps and tell them that you will keep them informed where you are going e.g. what pubs and clubs and make sure you keep your phone on so that they can contact you or you can contact them.

Answer 8

it sounds like maybe that do want u to move out but have decided not to go the normal route and say get out failure to launch ring any bells
and as a parent it is so hard to remember that u are an adult now. 4 the last 20 years u had to learn almost everything from them when , where & how to cut those apron strings is hard when u have kids u will c 4 u self
i am sure u have heard that before

Answer 9

You parents possible are being like this because they are dependent on you. By keeping tabs on your where abouts your parents control you.. and lets face it that is what they dont want to lose being able to control you, and they are going to keep doing it until you put a stop to it. It is always about the child respecting the parent. well i think it should go both ways. They need to give you space and freedom. and respect that your ALL grown up now.

Answer 10

Wow Shelly you sound like a one in a million that us parents all want, my eldest is 14 and much like you she has her chores around the house, yes she looks after her sister when I am at work in the holidays, but my goodness I let her have a social life of her own, mind you with her being 14 there is no smoking no drinking no hanging around the streets the usual at that age not to mention she still has a set time to be in and yes I am fussy with who she hangs around with, but when she reaches the age you are I would like to think if she is not in further education and she has a full time job and can look after herself as long as she has respect for the other people in our house by being quiet when she comes in at all hours then let them do it I say. At the end of the day I would much prefer to know where she was and when she would be home as no parent wants to let go and protect you for as long as possible but we still have to let you grow up. I would much rather mine come home at all hours than sleep anywhere else.
You sound mature enough to speak to your parents and try compromising with them, if not I can see them driving you away as although my eldest may look after my youngest from time to time I still have the attitude that I didn’t have a second child for the first one to look after, in the holidays if the eldest makes plans I will see to it that my youngest is looked after by someone else. I won’t put the full responsibility on her and it sounds as if the older you get the more your parents are putting on you, no disrespect to your parents as everyone is different.