should i let him?

Question

I have a four year old son that i have with this man who doesn't really do anything except pay child support for him he used to see him up until recently when i found out i was pregnant with our second child together. now he says he will only be a father to my four year old and not the baby because he didn't want the baby and it is my fault and i'm being selfish because now the baby has to suffer. So since i didnt kill the baby like he wanted he wants nothing to do with it. My question is should i let him see the four year old now or just stop it all together so there is no confusion when the baby comes. Because i won't let him take one and not the other they are a package deal they are both his.

Answer 1

no you shouldnt how would u explain to the new baby when he/she got older why daddy didnt wanna see her just the other sibling could you imagine having to explain that you sound like an independent woman with a clear head on her shoulders who was doing fine until (I dont mean to be rude or anything) a jackass of a man didnt have the guts to claim his own kid Im sorry but thats wrong you were doin fine so take your kids and live your life to the fullest with your two blessings that god gave you dont let that man ruin your or your kids's lives Good luck I hope you make the right decision\

Answer 2

You have to consider 2 aspects-
1. If you dont let him see the 4 yr old, the 4yr old may end up not having such a good relationship with you and blaming youfor the distance between him and his father.
2. If you do, you may hurt the younger child, as he/she may feel unwanted and left out leading to low self esteem.

He may however, learn to appreciate both once the baby comes into the picture.

Let him know that he is the father anyhow and he made the choice when he had sex with you.

The baby on the other hand should not be made to suffer for his decision now... not to want it. He is ruining the baby's life and not you. You are giving it life something very precious. If he cannot take the responsibility than let it be for now. In time to come, he will see, make sure your 4 yr old has a good and loving r'ship with the baby so he can get his father involved as well.

Take care.

Answer 3

He sounds like an ***. My advice is to stop sleeping with him first off. Secondly I'm not sure that you can legally say no unless you can prove him an unfit parent (and when I say unfit I mean BAD), However he sounds as if he may just let it go. I would be sure he is the parent of record on both kids and force him to pay for both kids. It is possible he will not choose to see either child.

If he doesn't want to take the baby, don't make him. What a horrible day for the baby. You also wouldn't want anything to happen to the new one so don't force him into a situation where the father resents the baby and is angry.

Document everything, keep notes, e-mails, and voice messages as this may (if he has been nasty about either child) back up any claims you have later.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I would agree that both kids are one package, but to answer your question you should talk to a lawyer...This may even need to go in front of a judge...
I don't understand how a parent can pick one over the other...its just wrong. The second child would only be hurt by this only because the father refuses to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and that is sad.
I don't allow that in my family...if you pay attention to one you pay attention to the other..one is no better or worse then the other child...
If I were you I would stop having relations with that man...
good luck

Answer 5

He sounds like he is being an ***, your four year old should still be aloud to see his son and honestly I think that once the baby is here he will grow up....... but in the mean time what goes on between you and him shouldn't affect his relationship with the child....i know that's not the answer you were probably hoping for but it is the best interest in the child

Answer 6

well unfortuanately you can't make him want the other child....BUT, when he does come to see the oldest child, he will in turn see the younger child in time, so he may change his mind......And remind him that he was there making the baby too, so its not all your fault.....It takes 2 right?......... Don't worry yourself over this, i know its hard though..... But someday your going to find someone else who respects you and your children, and who will help you with them. But you don't need a man to have a baby now-a-days, make him pay child support for both of those kids too....Take it to the courts if he fights you over it. Its his child too, just because he doesn't want another child doesn't mean the child should suffer for his dumbass way of thinking.....

Answer 7

i agree that it is a package deal both or none, i would consider talking to a lawyer. I would tell him no on seeing the 4 yrs old and if he wants to take it to court then the judge will tell him he has 2 obligations not just one...and go from there.. but good luck with the new baby and your 4 yr old

Answer 8

This is the kind of thing that happens when women choose
these "losers" to make babies with. I don't think you can
keep him from seeing the four year old (according to the
law) and especially if he's paying child support. This is one
of those lose, lose situations.

Answer 9

Sorry to sound rude, but this is why you shouldn't have children unless you are in a committed relationship where BOTH parents know how to SHARE responsibilities. Obviously he didn't want to be much of a father to your 4 year old, why even risk having a second child with him?

Answer 10

God bless you and your Babies!!!! I hate hearing about all these babies with sorry fathers. It makes me sick. If they do not want kids then they need to get fixed or stop having sex. I would tell him he could not see either one unless he gets them both. How will that baby feel later on in life when he finds out he was not good enough for his father. I would just worry about taking care of you and your kids and in the end he will get what he deserves. I hope it works out.