House guest who has overstayed his time!?

Question

My dad has been living with me free of charge since last year. He was a dead beat father until I turned 18. He has overstayed his welcome and I want him out of my house! I have asked him not to but he is sleeping in my living room sweating, burping,farting and eating up everthing in sight (he's diabetic). When I tell him he needs to leave he always rationalizes his situation. What can I do annoying or speed up his leaving my house. I have let my kids jump on the furniture, be loud and make noises and he still sleeps through it all. Every day he watches young and the restless and act like they are real people while I try to study. I am a single parent who works part time being eaten out of house and home.. ...HELP! (Real suggestions please, please no dumb stuff)

Answer 1

I know people (including my own mother) who have been in similar situations, with parents, siblings, and assorted other relations, and from what they have told me and I have witnessed, it's a really miserable experience.

Unfortunately, there is no nice way to do this. You just have to be tough and stick to your guns, and whatever you do, DO NOT BACK DOWN!

It sounds like if he was a deadbeat while you were a child, when you most needed financial support from him, he's grown accustomed to not being responsible for anything in his life. People like that tend to get away with it because they are manipulative and selfish, and they can always find a way to justify their actions, even if it's only to themselves.

Sit down and have a talk with him, or rather talk at him. Talking with someone implies a two-way discussion, and it's gone past the point for that. Set a firm date for him to leave, as someone before me suggested, then stick to that. Set it close enough in the future that you can get relief pretty quickly, but far enough away that he can, if he is so inclined, make some arrangements; the suggestion of 30 days is an excellent one. Explain to him very clearly what the reasons are for him having to leave, but don't allow him wiggle room, such as telling him it will be okay if he gets a job, unless you really mean it. Also, please realize that even if he does get a job, it may only be to pacify you for a short while, and that he will most likely return to his present behavior.

Tell him that this is a non-negotiable situation: it's your house, and you make the rules, including who can stay, and who has to go. Give him notice, and tell him you suggest he start making preparations for other living arrangements. You are likely to hear all sorts of rationalizations and excuses and even accusations, including that he cannot leave because he has no place to go, he has diabetes, he has no money, and even that you are cruel and heartless because you are disobeying the commandment from the Bible about honoring one's parents. Don't let him play you! Because that's what he will be doing if he resorts to any of that. Also tell him very clearly that if he does not remove himself from your home by the stated date, you will resort to getting help from the police and through legal channels.

Mark the date of departure on a calendar, and remind him frequently, every day, if necessary, that there are only X number of days until he has to leave. If he continues to sit on his bum and watch soaps, so be it. It isn't your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to yourself and your children.

If it comes down to being within one week of D-Day, and he still hasn't done anything, get some boxes or large garbage bags and start packing his stuff up. And you don't have to be neat about it, either. Just toss stuff in there willy nilly. Again, if stuff gets broken, that's his problem, not yours.

If the sad day comes when he has to leave, and he still hasn't done anything, put all his possessions outside your home, and call the police. Explain the situation to them, and explain that you want him out of your house, and that everything you have done so far has resulted in no action on his part. They may tell you that they cannot do anything about it because he hasn't actually committed a crime (this kind of stuff varies, at least in the US, from state to state), in which case you need to ask if you can file charges for trespassing. If they refuse to do that as well, ask them what your legal recourses are. You may need to start an actual legal eviction process. (As I think about it, it might be a good idea to find out about laws in your area governing this sooner, rather than later. That way, if you have to resort to eviction, the ball will already be rolling on it, resulting in less of a wait for results.)

If you are stuck with filing an eviction notice, I really suggest you take even more drastic measures, as it can take quite a while to evict someone legally. Get him to go outside, and lock the door on him, and don't let him back in. I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes it's the only way. I know your resources are probably quite strained, but you will need to have the locks changed if he either owns or has access to keys to your home. Simply lock him out. At that point, he will either go away, or he will call the police. If he goes away, put his things outside. If he calls the police, explain the situation to them, and let one of them accompany him inside to remove his belongings. (If things get to this stage, the police will most likely be more kindly disposed to helping you out, as you will simply be barring an individual from entering your home.)

Unfortunately, you may have some legal difficulties. I know there are states in the US that recognize squatters rights as legal rights after a certain amount of time. I am afraid I don't know which states they are, but I do know that the basic premise is that if they are in occupancy somewhere and the owner knows about it and doesn't take immediate action to have them removed, then they get certain rights which make their legal footing more sound. I first found out about it in an article I read several years ago. Some people moved into a house that was vacant and for sale. The owner maintained that he had no knowledge of them taking up residency in his house, but they were able to convince the court that he must have, since he had had people come out to work on the outside of the house, as well as to work on the yard, and surely someone must have noticed there were people living there. The owner did eventually manage to get them out of the house, but it took him a lot longer than it would for an owner whose renters simply stopped paying their rent.

Also, please realize that this may very well ruin any relationship that you currently have with your father. If this is the result, try to be at peace about it. He will make it clear that it is all your fault, and that you have "driven" him to it, but the fact is that is just another way for him to evade responsibility. As I noted before, your responsibilities are for yourself and your children, not for a freeloader.

If you would like to contact me, either to find out about my mother's experience, or just simply to have someone to talk to, please fee free to do so through this site. You've got a very difficult time coming up, and I would be happy to offer what support I can, even if it's just in the form of emails :)

Best of luck, and I will be thinking of you, and hoping for the best and quickest resolution possible.

Answer 2

Perhaps you can suggest that he can stay in the "home" so that he has someone to take care of him as his health condition needs monitoring. Too bad he is your dad and your choices seems limited. Try to open up and talk to him about your situation being a single mother and could hardly make ends meet. He is an extra burden to you and it is not that you are irresponsible daughter. You are sad that you have to talk to him in this manner but it is the fact that you are facing these problems and hope that he can help you to ease the problem that have been driving you nuts. Perhaps a white lie will be good, just tell him you are moving out of this house by end of the month and he has to find himself a place to go.....

Answer 3

Every household should have rules, and if rules aren't applied then nothing gets done. If your father doesn't contribute to anything like clean up after himself or look after your kids then you have to have a talk with him. You tell him that there's going to be three strikes and then he's out. If he doesn't obey your rules then he las to leave or else you might have to get the cops involved, and if your father thinks you're bluffing then he doesn't respect you. Then I would just get the cops there and put out a restraining order against him. Hope that helps you out. But I hope the cop thing doesn't come into effect.

Answer 4

This is a sticky situation. Bottom line is-- you and your children need your space. Being that he's lived there for a year--I think that you have to legally give him 30 days to vacate the premises--then you can call the police and have him escorted from the house. But you gotta give him 30 days, though. Give him heads up and tell him that it is unfair for him to impose on your childrens' environment. I imagine he feels entitled to live with you rent-free since he's your father, but he's taking food out of your childrens' mouths. Does he have any siblings or other family members that are willing to deal with him? You need to tell him what you've told us.
1. He's overstayed his welcome
2. You want him out of your house
3. He's been asked not to sleep in the living room . but he does anyway.
4. He runs up your electric bill by watching stories all day.
5. You work part time and are in school and don't need him as another source of stress.
6. Enough is enough. Company in your house can be like fish after it's been a couple of days it starts to stink!!!
Good luck to you and your family. I hope things work out and you can maintain a relationship with your father.

Answer 5

you probably won't be able to do it yourself..why in the world would he leave now..I had the same situation with my brother and his girlfriend and her kid..I went through drastic measures...I actually told them I had to move..I acted as if I were..I packed up the house...my kids..everything...they had to do the same.
aking a long story short..it worked...all because I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings...Another time..I had a different brother doing the same thing..I found out he was being mean to my little kids..I had my husband throw him out while I was at work. It's too hard for blood..get someone else to do it.

Answer 6

i think you should get this guy out, tell him that your mom is coming to visit or your boyfriend is coming to stay for a while. tell him that one of your aunts is coming to visit and you need him to go somewherwe until they leave, when he leaves change the locks and dont let him back in, when he does catch you at home, say dad irt is time for you to go i have to put the kids to sleep i will see you tomorrow.talk fast and dont let him have a chance to talk.he will be surprised to hear you say that but pretty much push him out of the house and help him load the car or whatever he drives, make himthink you will not be hiome tomorrow because you have things to do and will see him around...............good luck.

Answer 7

OK, I know it's tough, but if he was a deadbeat Dad to you until you turned 18, at which point, how much do you need him for now anyway, then what could you possibly owe HIM. I would simply let him know, look, I know you're having a tough time right now, but I have to raise my kids, something you clearly know nothing about, and you are making it very difficult for me to do that properly right now, so I'm sorry, but you need to leave. Give him a deadline of when he has to be out by, and stick with it. If he doesn't take you seriously, go to your town hall, or local police, and request they serve him an order to vacate the premises. This will show him you are not screwing around. Like I said, it may be tough, but what responsibility do you have to take care of him when he was not there for you? NONE. Get rid of him, and take care of your kids like you are supposed to. Trust me, house guests who live rent free and comfortably have no reason, or intention of leaving a good thing, so you just have to put him OUT!

Answer 8

You're just going to have to stand firm and kick him out. You need to put your children's and your own needs first. If you have to, call the police, change your locks and your phone number. Don't let him guilt you into letting him stay. You owe him nothing! It's nice that you're trying to help him but he's just looking for a free ride.

Answer 9

Tell him to either get a job or get out. You have to be tough about this. If he won't listen you may have to put his things out on the curb. If that doesn't work, you may have to involve the police to help you get him out. Be prepared for the relationship to end though.

Answer 10

if you really think that he is that bad call the police. he obviously is flopping. talk to your landlord(if you have one )i am sure they will call even if they dotn have a problem with him living there.

Answer 11

I agree. you have to get tough and if that doesn't work than call the police.