A friend is getting married and he asked me to write his wedding vows. How did I do?

Question

I promise to always listen.
I promise to always care.
I will share your laughter.
I will share your tears.

I had no life before you, and I would have no life without you.

You are always in my thoughts, always in my heart.

All I ask is to hear your voice, feel your arms around me and let me hold you close.

All I need is to know are that you believe in me.

Trust me, for I will never betray that trust.

Love me, for I will never betray that love.

Let us grow old together.

I promise to always listen.
I promise to always care.
I will share your laughter.
I will share your tears.

Today, tomorrow, forever.
Jeff

I tried to write a framework that he will add the personal details to . If he tried to write all of it himself, he wouldn't get past "Let's Party!"

Answer 1

Okay, personally, I think they are nice... I would maybe not repeat at the end and come up with MORE to put there... tell your friend to make it a little more personal when you give it to him and that "All I ask..." line kind of sounds like you're trying to get a girl back... it's a good thought, just the word "ask" is... odd.

You're doing good... put a little more umph into it and you'll be golden.

I wish I had a friend like you to write my vows!

Answer 2

Following is an excerpt from Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, by Judith Martin (Atheneum Press).

It is never too soon to plan your wedding, especially if you have already met someone you like. But if you plan your wedding to be spontaneous, original, honest and open, a dramatic presentation of your own personal love story, beliefs, and aspirations, Miss Manners will not attend. Miss Manners see enough bad plays as it is. Love is no excuse for inviting people to a popular pageant and treating them, instead, to amateur poetry.

OK, enough of Miss Manners, this is Yours Truly speaking. I think your poem is well written, much superior to the usual. But I also think many people will be disappointed to NOT hear the traditional "to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, forsaking all others, ... etc" vows. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a little light editing, such as getting rid of the "obey" or "give away" parts, or of references to the Deity, if these are objectionable. Perhaps you somehow weave the promises you have constructed in together with the familiar "'til death do us part" stuff?

Answer 3

I think maybe he should be writing his own vows. Does his future wife know your writing them for him. I know if I was marrying him and found that out...the wedding would be off for sure. Also, I don't really think they are that great considering they arent very personal. writing your own vows should include something personal in them. stop wasting your time writing someone elses vows.

Answer 4

I think it would be more meaningful if HE wrote the vows since he is the one getting married.

Answer 5

people are suppose to write their own wedding vows. i would be one pissed off bride if i knew that someone else wrote my hubby's vows!

Answer 6

Sounds good.