Can any other girls out there relate? I have a strange relationship with my dad.(Nothing freaky or anything like that) He has always been there for me, always helped me through the tough times, always been my rock, my protector, and my friend. At the same time, he always had a drinking problem when I was growing up, and though he never phsically abused us, he was always verbally abusive. As I got older, he got worse. When my husband got murdered, my dad was the first one there beside me, to hold my hand, a shoulder to cry on, lets face it, he is what held me together. Now my daughters and I live with him and my mom, and even though I know he loves us, and he does whatever he can for us, he is still extremely abusive to me, and often does it in front of my kids, which greatly upsets them. I know the ideal solution would be to move, but right now, we can't. How do I get him to understand that I love him so much my heart aches, but that at the same time, he is killing me inside? HELP!
2006-07-11 15:04:16 · 7 answers · asked by jensarquist 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know there is a lot I have left out, and I am not the perfect daughter, but why does it have to be so bad? He yells, threatens, and demeans, and I yell, argue, and try to hurt him back. To no avail of course, because when he hurts me, he knows it, but if I have ever hurt him in the heat of battle, he has never shown it. I'm sure I have hurt him at some point, but he would never give me the satisfaction. What can I do to make him see how much he is hurting me, but more importantly, how much he is doing to his 3 granddaughters, who by the way have no other man in their life. I have tried to tell him that he is eventually going to push them away because of his behavior, and I know he loves them with all his heart, and would be crushed by this, but I can't seem to get it through his thick skull, and trust me it's way thick. I am also concerned that because of him, they will grow up to feel that verbal abuse from a man is acceptable, OH HELL NO. I know this is long, BUT HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!
2006-07-11 15:11:00 · update #1
OK, CLEARLY SOME OF YOU DID NOT READ EVERYTHING, LIKE THE PART THAT SAYS MY DAD STOPPED DRINKING RIGHT AFTER MY OLDEST WAS BORN. HE HAS NOT HAD A DRINK SINCE. 11 YEARS SOBER
2006-07-12 17:52:48 · update #2
if only your father could read this...I think you have told us what he really should know and understand. I'd e-mail it to him...couldn't you accidently leave it on the computer..if he was the dad you said he was..reading you pooring your heart out like this..might wake him up to a good thing he has...Good luck girl!
2006-07-11 16:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by justwonderingwhatever 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the first thing you should do is check out Alanon. It's a support group for families of alcoholics. It would be good for you and your kids. I think they would be able to explain their grandfathers behavior better than you could because they would have an unbiased view as well as their own experiences to share. Your kids need you to be strong because they will be looking to you on how to deal with this. I know you said that moving is not possible right now but could you and the kids go somewhere when your father's drinking? Maybe to the movies or to the park? Good luck to all of you. I hope you can get some help for yourself and your kids.
2006-07-12 04:09:05 · answer #2 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There comes a point at which it is healthier to cut ties with a person. Though you love your father and he loves you, your situation sounds unhealthy both for your and your kids. I know you said you are unable to leave right now, but that may be the best thing for all of you. Trying to make your dad understand your feelings will likely end in a fight as people who are not ready to understand something will not understand despite your best efforts. I'm sure your Dad is a good man, it's clear by the way you speak of him that he is not all bad, but your kids are not as capable of you as seeing the good amidst the bad as you are, and they will learn from the example you are setting. I'm truly sorry for how difficult things have been for you but you sound like a woman who has her proverbial "stuff" together. Good luck to you.
2006-07-11 15:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by leslie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should seek out a psychologist that you feel comfortable with discussing your problem and get their advice and possibly get your father involved in counseling and eventually joint sessions. There are professionals that are there to help. You probably won't make much headway on a solution outside of professional help. You should see someone even if your father won't for advice and your benefit. Good luck!!
2006-07-11 15:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by Bill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love him so much my heart aches, but that at the same time, he is killing me inside
thats exactly what you should tell him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont be afraid that he wont understand.....
2006-07-11 15:10:11 · answer #5 · answered by luckylera 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to sit down with him when he is sober and talk it out or you could try counseling if you can get him to go
2006-07-11 15:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by harleythom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you probably can't .
2006-07-11 15:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by cheeky chic 379 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋