should i let a disrespectful 24 yr. old move back home?

Question

after me having to kick my 24 yr old son out for cursing & disrespecting me, refusing 2 work, not helping around the house, he's spent a few months living with others. now that time with the others is spent, and he is feeling the heat really bad, and is about to be homeless. of course he wants to come back--i'm not allowing it---my mom is making me feel guilty for not allowing him back. we have been thru this several times, and this is always the end result. i refuse to feel guilty for not letting myself be abused (verbally) by my own child. am i wrong?

Answer 1

NO - STAND YOUR GROUND. I have one older than your son by a couple years - heroin addict. He's not verbal -- he's very very loving but steals anything and everything and has ruined us financially. You HAVE to have tough love. He wants to come back to you because they dont' want him there -- you must know that. His friends are only going to carry him so long. Let him live on the streets. Mine had to. He found a way to con people though and move in with people over and over and ya know what? He wasn't raised that way but who am I (even though I'm his mom) to tell him how to live his life? He won't listen anyway. He will do anything and everything to AVOID WORK. Even if your son isn't an addict of any kind, remember, you can still be enabling him letting him back. I'm proud of you. Stand your ground. He HAS to grow up and NOW before it's too late for him to do so. My 17 year old works harder than my 26 year old EVER DID. Tell him - he made his bed - he can lay in it. I'm sure he didn't see you like that while he was growing up.....

Answer 2

kick him out!!maybe the reality of being homeless will set in and he can start being a MAN!! or if the tough-love thing doesn't work 4 you, give him some options:

** find a job-if he can help financially (even if it's just the phone bill) towards the home, it's a start!

**. should you let him back in the house, make it 100% clear that any kind of disrespect WILL NOT be tolerated at all. One foul word and he's OUT!

** I would think long and hard about letting him back in. If you've done this several times before with the same final result, it's time to let go and let him figure this one on his own. Let him know that you'll be there for moral or spiritual support, but you DO NOT have to financially support any 24 YEAR OLD MAN!

I know, easier said than done, but you've got to do this for not so much for your son, but yourself-GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

No, if this has happened many times you are not doing him any favors by bailing him out. I would get contacts for local charities that work with young, homeless men and give him that. Maybe, if he is being respectful, you could meet him for a meal once a week out, you can even treat. This way you can see he is okay and find out if he is making the changes he needs to make. If he does not learn to live on his own at 24 and you continue to help him what will happen when he is 65 and unable to take care of himself and you are gone or living in a home and can't help him? If you love him, make him take care of this. That doesn't mean don't let him know you love him and want to see him.

Answer 4

Letting him move back in with you now will obviously not solve his issues and problems with being disrespectful and lazy. I know he is your son, and this might be really hard to do but it's better to be tough now that is still young (24) than later on in life when there isn't much he can do with his life.
If your mother is making you feel guilty than tell her to take your son in. I am sure he'll probably cause her the same problems as he caused living with you. You can tell your mother respectfully that you are his mother and you know what's best for him just like she knew what was best for you when you lived with her. Ask her how she would feel if her mother in law tried to intervene in the way she raised you!?!?! That should keep her quiet!
I'd would also set some guidelines for your son if he does wish to return home. Tell him if he wants to move back he needs to have a full time job, rent deposit and be willing to pay rent monthly. You can put the money away in savings for him (just don't tell him) and as long as he does well, you give him the money back at the end of his probationary period. My sister is having to do this with her daughter. She was being horrible about going out and partying with her friends, not paying her cell phone bill...cutting school. She kicked my niece out of her house last year and she came back in March of this year. She can live there now as long as pays $250.00 in rent, is enrolled with a c or better grade in at least three college classes every semester and responsible for her own car insurance. It's been 4 months now and it's working really well. My sister has been saving the "rent" she is receiving for her daughter so that when she is done with junior college she will have money to start her life away from home!!!
Good luck!

Answer 5

" i refuse to feel guilty for not letting myself be abused (verbally) by my own child. am i wrong?"

how sad that you have raised your child to be such a mess! if you are 'wrong' at all, i'd say it's your parenting from the very begining. too bad you didn't have enough sense to create a happy, loving RESPECTFUL relationship with a child over which you had total control once. imagine how beautiful your relationship with your child could have been if only you had taken the trouble to get some education/information and/or whatever it takes to cultivate a good, loving relationship with your very own offspring.

i think he's better off away from you as far as possible - unless you happen to want to repair the damages you've done and make a good relationship with your child. it's possible but you'd have to get serious and want to try.

Answer 6

He's an adult. Let him make some adult mistakes and if being homeless for a time is what it takes, so be it. There is no reason you have to put up with crap from children, especially after they hit the age of 18.

If you keep giving in to him, he will continue to be a disrespectful ***. Don't feel guilty about anything.

Answer 7

absolutely not. He's got to learn one way or another. homeless or not, he will have to face being an adult. If he wants to be at home, tell him he can't stay unless he has a job and pays half of the utilities. If he doesn't do that, then you can kick him to the curb, with a sleeping bag and a shopping cart for departing gifts. He will never respect you as long as you continue to allow him to be disrespectful. But most of all, tell him that you love him and it's for his own good.

Answer 8

You need to let your son work it out on his own. He is 24 not 12. He will eventually find his own way and he is better to do it now then in ten years. My parents wrote me off when I was 19 and a single parent. I struggled and lived in my car for awhile, but 9 years later, I own my own house and make a lot of money and am married now with 3 kids. If you live in the next couple of months, it will be hard, but trust me he will thank you in about 5 years for letting him grow up. Tell him he is a grown adult and needs to make the best decision for himself of what to do and it doesn't involve moving home. When he hits true rock bottom, he will pick himself up and do what he has to do if he knows mom is not going to bail him out this time. When he knows you will bail him out, he can throw his tantrum and expect you to be the one saying sorry. Stand your ground and let him fight his own battles for once. You will be healthier and may worry, but you did make the right decision. He can't live of mom for the rest of his life and needs to be able to one day support his own family and won't be able to if you are there to always pick him up. Good luck!! Stay Strong!!

Answer 9

You should think about yourself and how you were able to control your son. Do you really think things have changed? Maybe you should tell him as soon as he has a job then he can stay with you. But don't let him cuss at you! I know how it feels having a child verbally abuse you. I was going through that with one of my teens and they have not been home since. I can still hear those words and it makes me sick. Can you take your son around to look for work? I mean, before he comes home.

Answer 10

Don't let him move back in. It would not be helpful to you or to him. He needs to learn how to be responsible. I would say something like this, "I love you son but it's time for you to be a man. If you think that you are coming back here then you are sadly mistaken. You see, I've been there and done that! You might not understand why I am doing this right now but if you have children in the future, you will see. I wish you nothing but the best. Keep in touch!"

Ask your mother why won't she let him live with her!