What do you think of my sonnet?

Question

I've seen a lot of people ask for a critique of their poems on Yahoo! answers, so here is mine. Please be honest.

Woe my weary, shackled eyes cannot rest
On anything but this villainous page.
Knowing the realm of sweet dreams would be best,
Homework, intangible bars of my cage,
My concentration, at best, is choppy.
Discombobulated mind on my bed.
My penmanship has become quite sloppy,
Sad, sullen lines on which I rest my head.
Homework strikes like a vampire in the night
The frustration that sucks life from my soul.
Pleading for the chance to turn off the light.
A moment’s sleep the unreachable goal.
Oh, patient pillow please wait for me there
I will escape my prison if I dare.

Answer 1

I think it has some very good qualities, it s fun and engaging, it s half serious and half light hearted and i like this contrast and shift in tone. Also, your structure is remarkably well done. On the other hand, not much emotion involved or depth. So whether it s a really good one depends on your goal and intention with it, If you were shooting for fun and light herartedness, by all means, I like it a lot.

Answer 2

I laughed . i cried. Beauty incarnate!! Lovely poem. It should be yahoo answers theme song...seriously.

Answer 3

Very creative and clever. See how smart doing your homework makes you? ;-)